Gazing in the Mirror

April 13 - Spiritual Daydreaming

In learning you will teach, and
in teaching you will learn.
~ Phil Collins

Every man has to interpret
the universe in terms of his
own thinking and personal
relationships, and that in
order to do it, he has to have
faith and confidence in
his own interpretation.
~ Ernest Holmes

I was once reminded by the chance comment of an acquaintance of a daydream which I entertained some time ago and so I thought I'd explore my thoughts and feelings around that particular daydream in my essay today. Perhaps the time will come that I will look back upon this moment and feel awe that it has unfolded. Or perhaps my yearnings will have changed and I will see clearly that it is no longer relevant and actually best for me that it did not happen. My desire to have children with my husband was like that. I had this yearning early in our marriage but that was not where he was in heart or mind. So I just let it go (it helped that I was already the mother of a grown daughter). It passed from my awareness until one day his own yearning caught up with me and I was ready with a willingness to meet him there. That is how I feel about this daydream, the one that I will share with you now.

When I was a child I wanted to be a doctor and my parents were supportive of me and bought me a microscope as a gift for one of my birthdays. As I reached my teenage years I had a yearning to attend an all-women's nursing college out of town. My family could not afford to educate me but my maternal grandmother could. However, she always had conditions regarding her generosity (not so much financial conditions but "controlling" ones) and so she insisted that I should attend university there in my hometown. It is a co-ed university with a historical focus on mining and engineering. I ended up getting married instead of pursuing a higher education. I confidently faked my way into a bookkeeping job (and learned how to do the work by studying the books left behind by the bookkeeper before me along with some great support from the firm's CPA). That work caused me to become interested in accounting and so I took community college courses at night towards a possible goal of becoming a CPA. I was a natural at it but that work has never been where my heart is.

When I became a member of an online social networking community I developed a "friendship" with a man from India. I still think of him as no more significant than that – my friend Eli. The truth about him was that in his country he was more than just another man on the street. He was a spiritually realized teacher and is known by some as Swami Shraddhananda. He has passed from physical embodiment now. I have had "conversations" with him in my mind more than once but I'm not really inclined towards having conversations with non-physical entities. I consider the practice somewhat risky and feel that it is unnecessary for me to participate in such exploits while embodied. My feelings about this are not to be interpreted as a judgment of those persons who hold precious their own such private communications with guides, angels, etc. I bring up my friend because he believed me to be a healer and taught me a technique of his own. His spiritual life was very much more "in person". My spiritual life is more often visible in virtual reality. His technique was energy transfer from hands to object. Mine is a mental connection that is omnipresent.

I do realize that I am – a healer. People come to me for certain kinds of quality of life assistance. I am not paid for such work at this time in my life. It is a free-will love offering from me that I am willing to assist those who seek me out. Mostly these requests for assistance come to me via email. I once helped my daughter with a problem regarding her sibling via cell phone. When I went to my first (and thus far only) spiritual conference I was surprised to realize that I felt so much in common with the "celebrity" presenters there that I consider them my peers. One of my favorite presenters, the Rev Michael Bernard Beckwith, addressed me as "Sis" and I hold that thought fondly in my heart's mind. Elizabeth Lesser noted in signing my book – "To Deborah – A Kindred Spirit !" Others that I met such as Neale Donald Walsch with his wife EmClaire and Bruce Lipton all felt as though they were "friends" of mine. I was not in awe of any of them, none felt upon a pedestal to me.

Realizing that I might one day inherit responsibility for my parent's large beach front residence at a lake in New Mexico, I sometimes daydreamed of having retreats there (they have since died and the house was sold and that was the right decision when the time came). I shared these dreams with some friends and with my mom. I thought I wanted to keep their house for the use of my own family's descendants, just as my husband kept his deceased parent's log cabin for our family's use.  But before my mom died, I saw it was not a good idea - thankfully. It would have been a huge and costly responsibility.  My daughter's experience in real estate helped me market and sell the house.  So glad I had her to depend upon during that difficult responsibility in my own life. At another time, I was strongly attracted to a little church that sat in a small and little piece of real estate nested in a circular ramp to a controlled access highway in the larger town to the north of us. It never was a yearning I was prepared to act upon and yet I would constantly notice it. Now it is gone and a Rural King farm supply sits to the northwest of where it once stood.

More recently, I have gently considered that I might not need to go so far away and yet fulfill these longings in my heart to be of spiritual assistance to others. Truly such a thought that I could be of such assistance to any other person often feels quite arrogant to me. However the inclination remains so firmly embedded in me that it would take a serious effort to root it out entirely. Not knowing what to do with it I simply sit gently with such thoughts. In truth I have already functioned as a spiritual "advisor" to some without seeking that role for myself. Through my interactions with other people in the virtual internet realm, I am able to touch many, many lives with encouraging support and stories that convey whatever wisdom is embedded in them. My "teaching" style is mostly a simply sharing of my own journey for whatever that is worth. Certainly what I can share may not be helpful to many who might still read my words. Whether I find myself in-person one-on-one and face to face or simply sitting in satsang talking from my stream of consciousness and answering questions, such thoughts are an aspect of daydreaming forward the expression of the spiritual being that I am. In person activities are not part of my current physical life. I leave that door open in case it is meant to be and am ready and willing to walk through it, if Spirit moves me there. I feel that "forcing it" might achieve some less desirable outcome that I'm not actually seeking. It is enough to simply notice the mild yearnings within me. No action required.

~ perspective

Being a teacher is really teaching
our selves by sharing concepts
"out loud" with another person.
It is not possible to teach wisdom
which is personal understanding
that cannot be communicated but
is lived, applied and used in order
to be in harmony with all that is.
Learning occurs when one recognizes
the deeper meanings hiding in plain
sight that are recognitions of truth
which have been allowed to arise
from within the self.
Everyone learns best by living life
with alert awareness and reflecting
upon the meaning of their experiences.
I know how to learn and how to unlearn
what I've previously learned, to
suddenly go in a different direction
when necessary and even give my
heartfelt desires up for lost and
start all over again when there is
no other choice left available to me –
all of this is learning and my sharing
of these experiences is teaching.

#acceptance #advising #change #counseling #dreams #education #family #goals #healing #teaching