Promise? [c.h]

58.1

-Ally's P.O.V-

It was a very uncomfortable dinner.

Dad tried to make me spill the beans, he tried to make me tell them me and Cal kissed but I wasn't talking the whole time, I had no right to talk.

Mom was being so jolly the whole time even though everyone, even she knew she shouldn't be jolly, not at all.

I was mute the whole time, except when Aunt Joy asked me if the food was alright, I answered with a simple "Yes," and that's about it.

I didn't expect any of this to happen, I thought we were only having a nice dinner with the Hood's just like last time, but no. I had to be stupid and I had to ruin everything, again. 

I didn't mean to kiss Cal, really. I don't feel sorry for what I did either, in fact, I enjoyed it, a lot. But I guess Cal didn't, I don't know. But I do know that what I did was wrong and I feel terrible because of it. I told him it meant nothing to me but to be honest, that kiss meant everything. 

At first I kept telling myself that it didn't mean a thing, I forced myself to believe that. But after seeing Cal's face after I told him that, everything changed.

I reminded myself that it's extremely hard to show your feelings to others but it's extremely easy to believe in it. I fell for Cal, I totally did. I shouldn't be ashamed of it, if he doesn't feel the same then I fell in love with the wrong guy.

One minute I keep telling myself that I shouldn't fall for Cal, but after a few seconds I tell myself that I love him. I just don't understand myself anymore.

I'm so lost.

"Hey Al?" I heard Patty say softly, I ignored her though, I was just not feeling the vibe.

She closed the door and sat beside me on my bed, she kept on poking me but all I did was shrug it off, I was not feeling okay, I'm tired of my feelings, it's just so complicated.

"Look, we have to talk about this, we're worried." She sincerely said.

"I'm fine." I replied, with no emotion at all.

"Nonsense, come on. Let's talk about it?" She said but I knew that I had no choice but to talk about it, even if me and Patty insult each other and stuff, she's the only one who understands me when it comes to things like this, not even my mom understands me, only her.

"I kissed him," I whispered.

"I know that, stupid." She said which made me slightly chuckle.

"What else happened?" She asked me.

"I accidentally told him it meant nothing when, in fact, in meant everything to me." I said all at once and heard her gasp.

"You're so stupid!" She gushed and laughed at me.

"That isn't helping Patty," I groaned, still feeling terrible about what I did.

"Go talk to him." She told me.

"Are you kidding me? I can't even look at him." I chuckled.

"You have to, unless you don't want him in your life." She said.

"I don't want that," I mumbled and heard her chuckle.

"Then do it! Talk to him." She said and skipped towards the door, leaving me with all my thoughts.

Should I?

This is exactly what happened the other day and it turned out good.

What if this one ends up bad?

Oh fvck it, yolo.

You don't just yolo this.

fvck you. 

I got my phone, searched for his name and got ready.

Me: cal im so sorry for what i did please let me explain? 

And just like how I expected it, *seen 9:07 pm*

Great, just great. This is exactly why I didn't want to contact him in the first place, I knew he would just ignore me immediately.

But there's no turning back now, Ally is the name, yolo-ing things is the game.