Back In Time (Going Under Editing/Revising)

Chapter: 78 Utter Confusion

Chapter: 78

Rosemary's POV:

This isn't right. He knows. He goddamn knows, but I couldn't slap him. Couldn't stop him and I just let it happened. What kind of girlfriend am I to Connor? Actually, Connor might have look at it like Benjamin had taken advantage of me because of what had happened to me. The sun was up and I was sitting by Connor in the same room while waiting for him to wake up. Benjamin was out doing errands and avoiding me entirely. Only saying a few words before disappearing again. Everything was complicated and all I could think about was him. The way he had look at me and had kissed me in the process of it all. 

Why didn't I realize this sooner? Why would he wait this long to tell me or make a move? Why didn't he do it before? Everything about Benjamin's actions and the way that he had done them was because he likes me. He was always with us and always looking out for me. I should have seen the way that he looks at me as well, but my eyes were focused on Connor. Another issue is that, should I tell Connor or no? With a heavy sigh, I lay my head on the bed close to Connor's arm. Feeling ashame and greatly confused. A lot has happened and none of it is going to get easier at all. 

Benjamin had told me that he had killed his father and that he'll never forget his words. That he was a bigger failure than his mother. It haunts him. I wonder if some part of him aches to have an actual father that he didn't have to killed and that his father could have been supported by his son. No matter what. It was painful to see that he had no family left at all and that he was the only one left like Connor. My heart was beating a steady rhythm and I close my eyes briefly. Wondering when Connor will wake up.

I know how it feels when he was next to my side and waiting for me to wake up as well. He shielded me from the bullet. He had taken the bullet for me and now Benjamin had kissed me. I felt absolutely numb and not really there at all. It was utterly quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The silence was getting to me and making me think of my family and how close it was for me to leave here. All of it makes me sad and knowing that I can't change my fate. 

*)*

A soft sigh escape from my lips as a couple of days have passed already. Benjamin and I work in silence as we got two horses ready. Connor's arm was in a swing and he couldn't use it at all. He was grumpy, but his eyes were shining with utter devotion to me. It made me feel guilty and all I wanted was for him to be happy. So, for now, I will keep it a secret. I have to focus on finishing this with Connor. Then it won't matter at all. I will be sent back home to my time era. 

It didn't matter anymore. It was gone and Connor is in no condition to do anything. All he needed was to rest and heal. He had spooked me more because of the different events that took place here. What if I change this world? It was only a fragment of time. Wasn't it? Time is a very confusing subject. It has no limitations at all. There are many times that are moving all at once or says the people who believe in that stuff. It only took us a little bit longer to get on the horse. Connor was sitting behind me as he slung his good arm around my waist. Oh, how I miss being this close to him. I had missed him terribly that it hurts to know that he got injured because of me.

Benjamin shook his head and got onto his horse. Clutching the reins tightly and I saw that his jaw was set. His muscle strain as he looks over at me with an unreadable expression on his face. He began the long trek back to the manor. I lean back against Connor as I felt safe against him. His lips found my neck and kiss me softly there. A soft sigh escapes from both of us before he whispered in my ear, "I am sorry that I have worried you, my love." His love?

My cheeks burn from his endearment, but a warm feeling spread through. I was pleased to him say that and it made me happy. "Connor..." I began, but he shushes me.

He spoke again, "Don't say it. You were in trouble. I couldn't let anything happen to you, Rose."

The sun was warm against my skin as the air was starting to grow really warm, but it wasn't overbearing. It was pleasant. I ended up speaking while turning my head to look at him as much as I can, "Connor, I was scared."

He chuckled before whispering in my ear as his hand slid up my stomach to the edge of my chest. He stopped at the breastbone, "Now, you know how I feel when you're injured or had disappeared on me."

My cheeks were warming up greatly from his lips against my ear. His hand sliding up my stomach and making me feel uncomfortable but in a good way. He was everything to me and I don't want to lose him at all. I took a deep shuddering breath and knowing that I have to tell him, "Connor, I have something that I need to tell you."

He whispered again, "It can wait. All I want is to touch you and feel you here with me. To know that I too, almost lost you to that man."

Connor was scared. Just like me. I felt guilty and lean back as far as I can to look Connor in the eye while twisting myself around a little, but still riding the horse accurately. He was gazing at me with a fond expression. There was love in his eyes and he leans down to kiss me deeply as it made me hum in delight. Our lips kept moving over and over again. His free hand going up and cupping her cheek in his hand. Both of us pulled away from each other and ended up smiling at one another. 

I spoke quietly, "I love you, Connor."

Connor smiles warmly at me while speaking, "I love you too, Rose."

He guided the horse onto the proper trail and I turn around again to properly sit on the saddle. A soft sigh escapes from my lips as he presses another kiss to my neck. "We have much to talk about when we arrive back at the manor." 

"Do we now?" I asked while chuckling quietly. 

He faintly chuckles as well before answering, "Yes, we do." 

I chuckled quietly again, "About what?"

"For you to find out." He whispered against my ear.

This was a strange for him to be talking like this. Was he still not himself? I mentally shook my head, but maybe it was the separation between us. I don't know, but I am glad that he is okay. That is safe and that he is back with me. That's all I care about. That's all I want. It was peaceful as we travel along the dirt path. Heading back to the manor and I felt Connor's weight against me. He was starting to fall asleep as he continued to get heavier against me, but that was all right. He needed his sleep anyway. My eyes look over to him to see that it was true. His eyelids were shut and he was sleeping peacefully. We did have a lot to discuss when we get back, but it made me nervous to think about it. 

I didn't think to much about it as Benjamin was up ahead a little and he hadn't glance back. Not even once. It made me think of what he had said to me outside and what he had done as well, but it also made me wonder why. Why did he wait until now? It didn't make much sense, but I wasn't going to let him get to me. Not when I have Connor back. There were much bigger things to worried about then some damn kiss. I can't even make up my mind if I want to tell Connor about where I truly came from and if he would even believe me, but I don't know. Honestly, I don't know when I would be going back. I don't even know if I have a choice in staying or going home and if I do which one do I choose? 

There was so much to think about and so little time left for us. It made my heart ache knowing that I would be years away from him. That it will become a fragment of my memories and then possibly turn into a dream.

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