'Until Death Do Us Apart' (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Chapter 59

'*Superficial Love - Ruth B.*'

FRIDAY 09.12.2022

We went home and I lay in Tom's bed. I had made it through the appointment without crying, my body was probably too weak to produce tears. Tom had handled the situation like a pro, asking dozens of questions while I didn't say a word.

We left with several small booklets talking about the two methods we could use to end my pregnancy. In the car, I told Tom that I would look into it, but that for now, I preferred the medical solution.

He respected my every choice, my every mood swing without complaining or retaliating. He was there for me and I felt like I was doing nothing but getting mad at him. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at the situation.

Ever since we got home, his presence was irritating me for no reason at all. For the first time since we met, I was not happy to be with him. I knew that deep down, I didn't feel that way at all, but absolutely everything irritated me.

One second I wanted to hug him and hold him tightly to my body. The next second I wanted to scream at him and tell him to leave me alone. My hormones were going all over the place and my weak body couldn't control them anymore.

Fortunately, for the moment, I had been treating him pretty normally. I didn't want to hurt him, especially since I knew he was in as much pain as I was. He was there for me and I needed to be there for him too.

"It's the right choice right?" I asked as I placed the pillow back under my head.

"It's what you want Ems," he replied with a small smile.

He laid his long body next to mine and pulled the blanket over us. Quickly, I turned sideways and pressed my back against his chest. His long arm came down on my upper stomach, just below my breasts. I slipped my fingers into his and pressed myself against him a little more.

"I don't what to lose this baby," I told him, closing my eyes.

"So you don't think it's the right choice?" he expressed himself, pressing his lips against the back of my head.

"I don't know what the right choice is", I replied, crying softly.

"Look at me darling", he ordered my with a stern voice.

I gently turned over against the mattress, laying my body on my right side. My man's cheeks were completely hollow, showing that he was biting them from the inside. His eyes were slightly bright and tired while his lips were completely closed.

"I understand that this is a difficult decision to make. But you have to make a choice Ems. And you know that no matter what your decision is, I'm here for you," he spoke up, placing one of his hands on my cheek.

"What about you Tom? Don't you have a preference? It would help me a lot to know what you want", I asked him, letting little tears slip from my eyes.

"I want to have a baby. I want to have a baby with you princess. But if you're not ready now, we can wait. I want you to be as excited as I am about us becoming parents. I don't want you to regret having a child," he replied very calmly.

"I want to have a baby with you too Tom. But I don't know if I'm ready. I mean - my parents were never great parents and I don't want my child - our child - to grow up in the same conditions I did. I don't know what a mom is supposed to do or say because mine was never around. I don't know how to raise a baby," I explained, clenching my jaw.

We were really talking about our future child and the life we wanted to give it when we were not even together anymore. It was obvious to me that I would never have a child with anyone other than Tom and it seemed to be obvious to him as well.

"I don't know how to be a father either. I don't think I'll ever be sure what a father is supposed to do. But it's something you learn in the moment, it's not really something you can prepare for," he explained, running his thumb over my lips.

"Do you really think so? Do you think we could be good parents?" I asked as I kissed the tip of his thumb.

"Of course Love. You're a resourceful and strong person, you're going to be a great mom," he reassured me with a little smile.

"So you want to keep it?" I wondered while licking my lips.

"It's up to you princess", he answered honestly.

I didn't want to have a child now, but I didn't want to get rid of the child that was growing inside me. Nothing made sense in my head anymore. This baby was not yet developed but I already loved it. I knew that with Tom by my side, anything was possible, even raising a baby.

"I want to keep it," I cried, tucking my head under my man's chin.

"Are you sure?" he asked, wrapping his fingers in my hair.

"I'm sure. I don't want to lose this baby", I replied while crying a little louder.

Tom pressed me hard against his chest, offering me all the comfort he could muster. My whole body shook gently against his as I sobbed loudly into the crook of his neck. I was terrified of having a baby but was even more terrified of not having a baby.

"Ems just - You didn't change your mind because of me right? Is that really what you want?" my man worried as he spoke softly.

"Yes. It is what I want. If that's okay with you?" I answered with a nod.

"That's perfect for me", he whispered in my hair.

We stayed here for a few moments, in a leaden silence. Only the sound of my sobs and my man's breathing could be heard in the room. We were going to have a baby, it was decided. We were no longer a couple but we were going to have a child together.

Tom's two long arms wrapped around me completely while my head was still resting under his chin. My fingers were tucked in my man's shirt which I squeezed tightly. I was happy, terrified, worried, excited and fulfilled. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Are you happy Love? Does that decision make you happy?" he asked while pulling away.

"Yes, it makes happy. And scared but mostly happy. I don't know why I'm still crying", I answered with a small laugh.

I slowly raised my eyes so I could look at my lover while drying my tears with my hands. Tom was looking at me with a small, satisfied smile that was dimpling his cheeks. He was happy, he was happy because of me.

"I promise you, I won't let you down, okay? Not you or the baby. I'm here for you both," my man assured me with bright eyes.

"Thank you Tom. It means a lot", I thanked him with a smile.

Anything was possible with him by my side. Anything was possible as long as Tom was in my life. Anything was possible as long as I could share my doubts and fears with him. Anything was possible as long as I could count on him. Everything was possible because of him.

"We should - um - I wanted to talk about our relationship and everything, but can we talk about this in a few days? I mean, not now. Because I've got - um - I need some time to get my head together," I said, putting the palm of my hand on his cheek.

"Of course darling. Don't worry. We'll talk about it when you're ready", he answered with a beautiful smile.

"And – um – can you stay with me until I fall asleep?" I asked shily.

"Definitely", he replied with satisfaction.

It wasn't even noon yet but I was absolutely tired. Between the trip, my sleepless night, the gynecologist's appointment, and my changing choices, my body had no strength left. I was just physically and mentally exhausted.

In a spooning position, my man hugged me to his chest and held me tight. I needed nothing more than him and his presence. We were having a baby together and nothing could currently make me happier.