'Until Death Do Us Apart' (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Chapter 18

'*The Scientist - Emily James*'

SATURDAY 16.10.2021

My trembling fingers had taken refuge in Tom's warm hand. With a simple gesture, he lifted me up. Quickly, I walked into the house and sat on the couch. Still roughly wrapped in the blanket, I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to get warm.

Tom's big body had slumped down next to me. He ran his hand through his beautiful hair before rubbing his eyelids. They were no longer tears of sadness that flowed from my eyes but tears of rage.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you," he exclaimed in a broken voice. His eyes were fixed on me and his chest was gently heaving.

I placed the blanket back around me, making sure to cover every inch of my cold skin. I was freezing and my neck was aching like crazy.

"I'm mad at her, but since she's not here, I took it out on you. I'm sorry," he continued as I turned my head to look at him.

His cheeks were hollow, his nostrils flared under his breath and his eyes were completely red. Like the last time I had seen him cry, I felt extremely bad for him. I hated seeing him like this, distressed, lost and weak.

"You're right, I haven't moved on yet," he finished, taking a long breath.

"What does that make me?" I questioned him softly, a knot in my stomach.

His fingers massaged his tense neck hard as he closed his eyes. Shaking his head, his gaze finally met mine. He clenched his jaw as he looked at my wet cheeks.

"It doesn't change anything Emily," he replied, turning his body against me.

We were only a meter apart and yet he seemed to far but to close to my body. Still frozen, my entire body continued to shake as I tried to swallow new tears that formed in my eyes.

"What doesn't change? What do I mean to you? A way to pass the time? A rebound?" I asked, my eyes blurry with tears.

Tom put his hands on the couch and moved closer to me without taking his eyes off me. He was so close now and one of his hands was resting on my lap. I felt uncomfortable but also at ease knowing that he was so close to me.

"You were never a rebound," he simply reassured me. "You were never a rebound Love," he repeated as he placed his mouth on my temple.

He rested his left arm on the top of the couch, right behind my head. My gaze had left his and was now fixed on his right hand that was gently stroking my knee. I was mad at him but I didn't want him to stop touching me.

"Look at me Emily," he ordered in a soft voice.

My burning eyes plunged into his deep gaze. Those beautifully blue and improbably imposing eyes were filled with a small layer of water that covered the bottom of his iris.

"I never thought I would fall for you. This is not part of an elaborate plan to get over Taylor. This is genuine. I fell for you Love," he said as his hand left my lap and now caressed my cheek.

I wanted to believe him, to imagine that he felt the same way about me that I felt about him. I wanted to let my body crash into his, to hug him and not let go.

"Say something Love," he worried in a broken voice.

"What do you want me to say? You're still in love with her Tom, you should never have gotten involved with me," I replied between sobs.

"I didn't plan to get involved with anyone so soon after she left. But Ems, I feel so good with you," he commented as his slender fingers wiped away my tears. "I wasn't ready to get involved with anyone but I didn't want to let you go Emily. You have to understand that. I love spending time with you, I love waking up to you, I love being with you. Don't you feel the same way?" he asked me with concern.