one shots || N.R

Autophobia

Autophobia: fear of being alone.
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You suffered from it. As much as you hated it, you needed someone at your side the whole time. Well you tried to. Though you didn't want to seem like a nuisance so you sometimes let yourself suffer. You were clingy, that's how you lost most of the people in your life, they got sick of you.

It drove you down a dark path. No one knew, they just thought you were like this. You had never really been seen alone. You would always glue yourself to someone's side. And when there was no one, it send you into overdrive. You couldn't breathe, your head felt like it was spinning, your breathing became quick and sharp. You would panic. Always fear the worst. The nights, were the worst.

Mostly because you couldn't just jump into bed with one of the avengers, believe me you would if you could. It was because your room was so not cozy, it looked like a cell a comfy but not cozy cell. You had a big bed for your little silhouette to lay on. Making you feel even more alone. You wasn't though you had people in your life, just not the right type.

You needed someone to hold at night, someone to whisper to you that everything was gong to be alright. You needed someone to love. Something you had been deprived of growing up. You had everything taken away from you and was used by hydra for their own needs because you had nothing so you had no leverage, you had nothing so they made you into something.

Not the right something though, you was a something everyone feared, you destroyed families, lives, innocence. You couldn't help but feel alone. All these thoughts running though your head degrading you all the time, though you try to push though it by finding the comfort of others. Though it never did the justice you needed.

This is where Natasha  comes in. She had always felt sorry for you since you had got here, you don't have a family or a life outside the team, you were used, scared to open up, very private yet so comforting. You would always be around someone, she did find it odd but she figured you liked it that way. That was until she began to hear your little whimpers at night time.

She slowly grew concerned. She saw that over time, you had grown attached to people literally. You would whine when they tried to leave your side, look like you were in a state of mind when no one was next to you and it scared her. You were very paranoid, paranoid people would just walk out of your life.

You were sat on the sofa with Bucky next to you, you were watching a film of some sort when his phone went off. He took a look and sighed deeply "Y/N I have to go and train Steve wont leave me alone" he said. You nodded and turned back to the tv to try and regulate yourself.

Though it didn't work, he was up and out of the room, you were panicking, handshaking, breathing fast and sharp, tears escaping. You closed your eyes to try and help yourself but you felt arm, strong hands around you pulling you into them. You look up to see Nat smiling softly down at you.

Almost instantly, you felt the relief wash over you. You smile and lean back into her letting out a shaky breath. Her hands run up and down your arms trying to soothe you. "Thank you." You whispered.

The minute she laid hands on you, you felt calm. You laid you head on her chest and eventually fell asleep.
***
Your eyes fluttered open do find Natasha still with you. Making you smile and lean into her more. You wrapped your arms and legs around her waist hugging into her more making her smile widely. She wasn't asleep, her eyes were closed. She slowly snaked her arms around you making you look up at her.

"Good morning" she grinned. Your cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. "Hi" you said shyly. She smiled and pulled you back into her.
***
You were still in her arms but the two of you were getting hungry. "You wanna go get some food?" She whispered softly. You smiled at the thought of food and nodded furiously making her giggle.

You both get out of bed and head to the kitchen to fetch something. You ate and then went to get dressed, very quickly might I add. You walked out of your room and saw Natasha waiting at your door she smiled and linked your arm in hers.

You both went to the lounge and decided to watch a film. Obviously cuddling into her. Head on her shoulder. Her arm around your waist pulling you close. "Thank you Nat" you smile. She looked a little confused. "For being here" you smile turning to look at her. She smiled shyly "of course". She leaned in slowly hoping to see you do the same thing.

Your lips gently press against each other. Her lips are soft and warm and taste perfect. She smiled into the kiss and cupped your face in her soft hands. Your lips moved perfectly together. She pulled away when she was running out of air. Making you frown a little.
**
It was two months later, you and Natasha were officially together and you were always at her side, meetings, dinners, bed. Always. Together.

But now you'll be apart, Natasha had been recruited for a solo mission. And you'll be alone. Your panicking. She's gone for 2 months and you'll be alone. She's cradling you close trying to calm you down. "SH sh sh you'll be okay.. I not gone for that long" she cooed whilst rocking your fragile body trying to help you.
**
Two months later
Things haven't been going well at all your panic attacks occurred more often then usual, you stayed in your room literally hugging yourself not wanting to bother the others. You wanted, no needed Natasha. She was the sun, your light in dark times without her, the sun doesn't shine.

You were sat on your bed, alone, panicking, hands shaking, breathing unsteady as well as thoughts, nothing makes sense. Your trying your absolute hardest to try and calm down but nothing works like her.

Tears are falling uncontrollably but you've mastered the task of staying silent throughout these times. You tried so hard to think about all the happy memories you had, with the team, Natasha but as soon as your mind traveled to the memories it was just a sullen reminder that she wasn't there. You needed her, you craved her touch.

Hiccups fell from your mouth as you tried to calm yourself down. Your breath was erratic. You were trying. You were too deep in thought to realise the door had opened and Natasha was home once again. The second she saw your state she rushed to your slide pulling you into her. "Hey hey hey, it's okay, it's okay, I'm here love." She whispered trying to soothe you. You could just about make out what was happening. "Breathe love, just breathe" she whispered gently rocking you. "Nat" you whimpered. "Shh darling I'm here just breathe." She said as she kissed your forehead combing her hand through your hair.

Slowly but surely, your breathing did go back to norma, tears dried on your cheeks, though the odd hiccup did fall still trying to keep you calm. Your head was buried in her chest holding her close not wanting to let go, not trusting she's real. You were scared, scared she would leave again, scared she would have enough of you and throw you aside.
You looked up to her and she smiled lovingly, you could see the guilt in her eyes. "Don't leave me again please" you whimper. She pursed her lips and swiftly swiped her thumb across your cheek caressing it slowly. "I would never, I'm not leaving you again" she whispered and leaned down to press a tender kiss on your lips.

An
I had a little break because I've just been a little bit meh. Thank you all for your support I love you all. Thank you all for 110k!! I- I- can't you are all the best, I love you!
Stay safe everyone and love yourself please! 🤍🤍