one shots || N.R

When i needed you most

TW WARNING: mentions of rape, depression, insomnia.
You and Natasha had always been friends but you both a had feelings towards each other that you both buried for the fear of rejection. You two always told each other everything but she wouldn't tell you about the red room, she would talk about it but wouldn't tell you what they did to her in there other than the sterilisation. You were okay with that, you didn't expect her to tell you anything due to the years of being by herself and taught not to trust, she soon realised that she can trust but didn't talk about it still. You both worked at shield.
One week ago:
*fury had ordered you to go on a mission. You had to go into a secret hydra based disguised as a casino, to gather intel on shield.
You were working as a waiter so you could overhear people's conversations. But there had been this group of men that had caught your eyes. You had been serving them drinks all night, the more drinks they had, the more affectionate they become towards you. They would do things like smack your ass as you walked away and when you were serving them drinks they would wrap their arms around your waist bringing you closer to them. You couldn't do anything about it either otherwise, you would've shot them there and then, but then your would've been compromised. The casino was closing now and people kept asking them to leave but they kept ignoring them. So they asked you to ask them. If only you said no. You walked over to them and said "I'm sorry guys but the casino is closing now I'm gonna have to ask you to leave". BLACK.
The next thing you know, you were in a hotel room full of those men. You had a horrible feeling of what's going on. One man said "that's no way to talk to people is it dear. I think naughty girls need to be punished". There was no way you could take all these men down. You were good but you weren't that good, they were all Brutes. Big build and middle aged. Mob leaders was the first thing that came to your head. You studied their faces and they were fully blown with this dark lust in their faces. One took you into a room and yeah. And the rest came in one at a time and slowly had their "turn" with you. By the end you were broken, you didn't want this, any of this, you felt like a failure, used, you were gone. But you knew you had to get out. You had to. You couldn't stay in there any longer. You were trained to be quiet in situations so you could get out. All the men had left leaving you with one man. Shouldn't be too hard. He was asleep so you walk up to him put your hands on either side of his face and snap. You killed him. You put your clothes back on and trudged out of the hotel. You got into a taxi and said you needed to do to stark tower. Your eyes were dark and you had your mascara running down your face, your lipstick was smudged all over your face. Your arms were covered in bruises and so were your hips. The cab driver asked if you were okay. You simply smile and nod. But the truth was you wasn't you were far from it.
When the cab arrived at the tower you got out and stumbled in the building. You ignored all the concerned faces got into the elevator and made your way to the floor with your room. Which was coincidentally the floor where everyone hung around. You got out and walked past everyone feeling your pride draining out of your body. And walked into your room and slammed the door behind you. When you got into your room you cried, and cried and cried until you couldn't anymore. Then, you got up and into the shower and cleaned off your makeup. You got into joggers and a sweatshirt. And got into your bed and hugged yourself under the covers. Everyone was confused and worried. You were always happy to come home after a mission. They figured something went wrong but you'd be okay in the morning like everyone else. But you didn't come out your room, the next day and the next and the next, you didn't come out. They had to supply you with food and water to keep you alive. You barely ate but you drank a lot of water due to the amount you were letting out. You didn't sleep really only from the exhaustion of being awake and crying. You were well and truly broken.

A week had gone by and they were worried. Natasha more than others.
So at night time when everyone was in bed she got up to come and see you, she picked the lock, she knew you didn't want to see anyone but you needed too have someone by your side. She didn't know what happened on that stakeout. But what ever it was, hurt you badly. Natasha opened the door to find you curled up in a ball sobbing. She rushed over to you and put her hand on your shoulder. You winced away and looked at her. She had a look of hurt on her face but it disappeared before you could blink. You didn't know what to you. You wanted to hug her and tell her everything but then you wanted to keep it to yourself you felt ashamed. So you just sat there. Looking at her, your eyes were longing for her to understand. She sadly smiled and put her hand on your shoulder once more. Much more gently and aware this time. This time you didn't flinch away, you stayed still but your body stiffened.