Juice knew he fucked it up.
This time for real.
He had seen the look in Dana's eyes when he spoke to her in the kitchen. She wasn't going to forgive him anytime soon. The friendship they had built the past weeks, was crushed in a few moments of indomitable rage.
"You leave or I leave."
Kip's words kept racing through his head.
It was probably what was best for her. A life without him.
His body cramped up at the thought to live without her forever, but it had been his own decision. Sniveling he breathed in, rubbing his eyes. Those damn tears just refused to stop, while he didn't even have a right to cry, he was the cause of this mess.
It felt like he was walking a glass bridge above an abyss, seeing the cracks appear underneath his feet. He could fall any moment, into the deadly dept. The handrails that had supported him all this time, broke down. Not only Dana, also Fye.
He had seen the look in her eyes, before she grabbed Mikey's hand and dragged him out of the clubhouse. She was sick of him too. And with good reason.
Therefore he hadn't gone home; instead he'd gone to his clubroom, tossing a bag on the bed and throwing his clothes in it. But now what? Where should he go? He didn't know.
But he had no choice. He was so messed up, he was the one who had to give up on the few things he still had. As the door opened, he sat up straight. Like a silent ghost, Happy entered his room.
For a long time he said nothing, he just stared at the clothes on the bed.
"Goin' somewhere?" he asked mockingly.
He shrugged his shoulders. "You heard what Kip said. He leaves or I'll leave. And since I'm the one fucking things up..."
"Where will you go?" Happy huffed. "You got a seven year old to take care of."
Juice bent his head. Part of him had hoped that Fye wanted to take care of the kid, even if she no longer wanted his uncle.
A deep silence fell, persisting for such a long time that Juice looked up skittishly to see if the man was still in the room at all. Two alert eyes stared down on him.
"You gotta tell her."
"Tell her what?" Juice frowned his eyebrows, not understanding the question.
"That you killed Cherry."
Juice's lips parted a few times, but he wasn't able to say anything.
"I – I can't," he muttered eventually.
"Why not?"
"You know why," he grunted. "Because it will destroy her."
"She'll forgive you." Happy sighed, his face becoming a little softer. "You're the one she loves, Juice. With who she wants to be. Not Kip. She's trying to keep up appearances and maybe she can convince herself now and then, but she never looks at him like she used to look at you."
"Her daughter was murdered in front of her eyes. Of course she can't love someone in the way she did before."
"You found the body of your newborn baby. You killed two women you once cared about. And still I see the same love in your eyes when you look at her. If you can feel that love, she will be able to feel it too."
Juice bent his head. He stared at the tattoo of the arrow. "I can't give her what she deserves."
"She deserves what she wants and what she wants is you," Happy answered. "She's strong. She forces herself to move on, to feel happy. But deep down she knows she's not happy. Because she's still in love with you and she doesn't get why you don't want to be with her. You break her heart, Juice. You break her heart, every time you wake up next to someone else. Yeah – she will be mad when she discovers the truth about Cherry. But it wasn't your call alone, Juice. It was a club decision, we all agreed. I agreed – hell, if I hadn't been in a fucking cell I would have slit her throat myself. Even knowing that Dana was still alive. She was a fucking rat and she deserved what she got."
Juice wiped his eyes. For the first time, someone gave him the feeling that he was no monster, that he had done the right thing.
"I guess he doesn't want to see you – or me – for a while. But once accepting Cherry's fate, you can leave the choice to her. Then you give her a real, honest choice."
After those words Happy turned around and left the room.
Sighing, Juice dropped down on the bed. Everything that had been said today, kept racing through his head until he was so exhausted he fell asleep.
. . .
Groaning, Juice got up when someone knocked at the door. His clothes were uncomfortable; he'd fallen asleep with them still on. Not in a great mood, he opened the door, feeling a little dumbfounded when he saw Dana.
"Hey," she said softly. "You got a minute?"
"Yeah..." Juice looked over his shoulder, to the half filled bag. "You mind to come in?"
She shook her head. Juice stepped away from the door to let her in.
"How – uhh – how's Casper?" he asked.
"He's okay," she answered. "At least as long as he doesn't have to see you."
Juice bent his head, he had not idea what to say.
Dana sighed softly, glanced at the bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Kip's going to ask for a transfer to Tacoma."
Juice snapped up his head. "W-what?"
"We think it's best for everyone. I wished we could have stayed friends Juice. But I guess you can't..."
Juice dropped his eyes again. Tears were stinging his eyes. "You still wanna be more than friends?" he asked quietly. If she would say yes... he would take Happy's advice and tell her the truth about Cherry. If not... he wasn't going to cause her more pain.
"I like how things are with Kip," she answered. "Our sands stopped flowing, Juice. You figured it out sooner than me."
"I lied," he whispered, a tear itching down his cheek.
"Whether you were lying or not; you made your decision. I have to make my decision too and I believe it's for the best if Kip and I leave Charming. I wanted to tell you this in person, before you hear it in Chapel."
"Let me be the one leaving," he said. "Nobody's going to miss me anyway."
"And then what? Where will you go? We both know you're not good on your own, Juice. Mikey, Fye and SAMCRO are the only things you still have. Kip and I will be fine. A fresh start might be just what we need."
Juice pursed his lips. Deep inside he knew she was right. If she believed she needed this fresh start, he wasn't going to stop her. Especially not by telling her what had happened to her friend. This wasn't the right time – this was probably a better solution anyway.
"When will you leave?" he whispered.
"Later today. Kip wants to hang out with the guys in Tacoma for a while before he decides if he really wants to transfer."
"Later today?" he repeated dazed. Painful stabs plagued his chest.
"Yes. I'm here to say goodbye to you."
He looked up in shock, it felt like his bones were all disintegrating. "Does that... Does that mean we will never see each other again?"
"Maybe we will, one day. But not any time soon. We tried, Juice. We tried to fit into each other's lives. I guess we can't. The only option left is moving on separately."
Juice rubbed his face. He didn't plan on saying it, but the words slipped his lips. "I can't... I can't live without you."
"And I'm sorry, Juice. But I'm a mother, the needs of my child are my priority and not those of my ex-boyfriend. And I believe it's better for him when you're not in his life."
Ex-boyfriend. It felt like she was stabbing a knife in his heart, over and over again. He however swallowed his pain; deep down he knew she was right; this was what's best for her.
"Okay," he whispered, staring at the floor. "I get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I ruined."
There were no comforting words, no warm embraces. She got up, pressing a kiss against the shaved part of his head. "Goodbye, Juice."
In some desperate attempt to touch her, he lifted his hand. Her fingertips stroked his fingers; then she turned around and left his room.
And his life.
. . .
Naww, my poor babies. </3
What do you think? Is them going separate ways the best solution?
Also, I have posted a sneak peak of the Juice/Dana high school spin off I plan to write once Ghosts is finished. Hope you'll check it out. It was kinda... refreshing to see them still happy. The story is called 'Upon Deaf Ears', let me know what you think of it! It's not going to be as dark as this one, but also for their younger versions, drama is on its way!