We find the usual group gathered in their dorm room, all prepared to watch yet another episode of DEATH BATTLE! Let see how this turns out.
"That seems like a lazy intro Mr. Author," Ruby said to the Handsome and talented author.
Screw you, Ruby. The last however many had good intros that took a lot of manpower to make and write. Just let me be lazy for this one and then we'll get into a good one.
"Really?" Ruby said excitedly with her eyes sparkling like stars.
Promise. Now get ice queen to start this thing.
"Okie dokie," Ruby said before sneaking up on Weiss and forcing her to push play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interlude
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Wiz: Guardians of treasure, champions of justice.
Boomstick: And proof that if you've got enough brute strength, you don't need to be smart to kick some serious ass.
Wiz: Donkey Kong, defender of the world's largest banana hoard.
"Really?" Blake asked in bewilderment. I mean she new apes and monkeys like bananas but she was expecting something a little bit more, heck a banana shaped jewel would of been something!
Boomstick: And Knuckles the Echidna, guardian of the all-powerful Master Emerald.
"Now that's what i'm talking about," cheered Yang. that sounded like a treasure from a Huntsman lengends
Wiz: We've already established that Mario and Sonic-related power-up's counter each other, for example, DK's Strong Kong could counter Hyper Knuckles, so for this fight, we'll be sticking to the bare essentials.
"Makes sense," Weiss said with a nod.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Donkey Kong
(*Cues: DK 64: DK Isle Orchestral Remix*)
Wiz: Now this is the law of the jungle. As old and as true as the sky, the ones that shall keep it may prosper...
Boomstick: But the ones who touch Donkey Kong's banana hoard must die! See? I know literature. Well, the parts about killing, anyway.
"Of course you would," muttered Weiss.
"You think you could tone down the Boomstick hate?" Ruby muttered. While she could agree the Boomstick could get annoying, it still worried her seeing Weiss act so hostile towards someone.
"Fine, only until he says something I really can't stand," growled out the heiress.
Wiz: Long ago, an illegal pet gorilla famously did battle with his abusive owner atop a construction site.
"Oh my Oum!" gasped out Blake. The poor thing. How could someone do that?
Boomstick: The ape's name was Donkey Kong, and the conflict didn't go so well for him.
Wiz: After escaping, he fled to a remote island with his son, also named Donkey Kong. His son would later bear a child destined to rule the island. This powerful ape was named... you guessed it, Donkey Kong...
"Wow.... That's not very original," Ruby muttered.
(*Cues: The Map Page/Bonus Level - Super Smash Bros. Brawl*)
Boomstick: Being a gorilla, Donkey Kong naturally LOVES bananas.
Wiz: No no no no no. Real gorillas primarily eat plants, like stems and bamboo shoots, and sometimes termites to fight diarrhea.
"....ew," Weiss said with a green face.
Boomstick: Too much info, Wiz. Well, this gorilla loves bananas so much that he's hoarded hundreds for himself. And if someone tries to take away any of his delicious golden treasures, may God help them.
"He sounds like a dragon Grimm protecting its hoard of gold," Ruby said. This comparison made a few shudder at the thought of something that could match a grimm's ferocity.
Wiz: And yet, his enemies have been bold enough to steal his entire stockpile several times. Right out from under his nose. That's what happens when you hog every banana on the island to yourself, just basic supply and demand.
"Yeah! I mean i love cookies, but i would never horde it for myself," Ruby said with a nod, but stopped when she noticed Weiss's glare.
"You did.... And then professor Goodwitch came to me at four in the morning to not only get you, but to also pass a law forces you a limit of cookies you can have," muttered the princess towards her now sheepish.
"Oh yeah~! *teehee* my bad," the red reaper said while giving her royal friend a smile and a hug to make her feel better.
Background
Height: 6'1" | 185 cm (on knuckles)
Weight: 800 lbs | 363 kg
Name was meant to translate to "Stupid Ape"
According to the Crystal Coconut, is destined to rule his home island
Can devour several dozen bananas in three seconds flat
Greatly expanded his percussionist talents over the years
Boomstick: Donkey Kong weighs 800 pounds and stands about eight feet tall. That's almost twice as big as a normal gorilla. He spends his afternoons as if he were a Florida native, by finding ways to kill crocodiles, such as crushing them with his sheer weight, chucking barrels at 'em like his old man, or just straight up punching them to death.
"He really hates crocodiles," muttered Blake. On one hand, it was horrible that so many animals had to die, but on the other hand, they were harassing DK none stop and had plenty of chances to stop.
(*Cues: Irate Eight (Chase) - Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze*)
Wiz: The strength this ape wields is so tremendous, his very palms can shake the earth. And his trademark Giant Punch can send his victims flying beyond the horizon.
"This guy is a powerhouse," Yang said, thinking he and the Grimm would get along.
Boomstick: But just because he's strong, doesn't mean he's slow. He can unleash a flurry of blows so fast, he ignites the hydrogen in the air, creating explosions!
"But shouldn't he lose an arm from that? Or at the very least have some singed fur?" Blake wondered.
Wiz: This is similar to a meteor catching fire while falling through the atmosphere... at 25,000 miles per hour.
Boomstick: I'm telling you, Wiz. It's only a matter of time before the apes take over.
"Those damn dirty apes!" Ruby yelled as she hit the floor.
(*Cues: The DK Rap - Donkey Kong 64*)
Wiz: While common gorillas have impressed the scientific community by using basic tools, Donkey Kong is a little beyond that.
Boomstick: Yeah! He's got a shotgun! Like, I know it looks like he's just carrying around a log, but no, seriously, it's a boomstick that Funky Kong somehow made out of a tree, that fires concussive homing coconuts!
"Good thing he doesn't have the resources to make real weapons," Weiss muttered, knowing the destruction would be devastating.
Abilities & Weapons
Tremendous strength & durability
Giant Punch
If fully charged, unleashes a punch of significant power
Hand Slap
Causes small-scale earthquakes that can alter the environment
Weaponry
Coconut Shooter
Holds up to 20 homing coconuts
Orange Grenades
Actual fruit turned into actual explosives
Wiz: It can fire in spurts and if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt. At least, that's what the DK Rap tells us, but what it doesn't tell us is that the series of grunts you hear from the Kongs is actually them speaking their own language.
Boomstick: Really? I wonder what he's saying...
"Me too! I would like to hear the words of someone who could make such devastating weapons out of wood and without magic," Ruby said in glee.
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Robo-DK: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
"...... somethings are better left unknown," the cat faunus drawled out in a dead tone.
"How ironic, a pursuit of knowledge resulted in everyone feeling Dumber..." Weiss muttered.
Wiz: Mostly just that, sometimes he sings too.
"Oh no!" screamed the group.
Donkey Kong: (singing) From uptop of the White Mountains, your glory rises high to the skyyyyyy...! (Episode: To The Moon Baboon)
"Oh god!" screamed the group. Covering their ears from the horrid sound.
(*Cues Main Menu - Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze*)
Boomstick: What the hell?! Okay, I know I watched some of this show, but I do not remember there being any musical numbers, like, at all!
Wiz: Oh, there were two in every episode, forty episodes in all, your brain likely shut down watching to protect your fragile consciousness.
"Sounds about right," muttered Weiss. Hell she felt like she was going crazy from just that small sample.
Donkey Kong: (singing) I'd shower you with coconut cream pies.... (Episode: Raiders of the Lost Banana)
"EWWWW!" Ruby and Weiss groaned.
Yang's face turned green and Blake immediately hugged himself. "I felt dirty just listening to that..."
Boomstick: Good one, brain, I owe you a beer.
"Might be the only time I would agree with that," Yang sighed, planning to get drunk later to forget that part.
"I feel like my brain needs a shower..." Ruby shuddered.
(*Cues: Title Screen - Donkey Kong Jungle Beat*)
Wiz: Donkey Kong has done some ridiculous things. With a clap of his hands, he can create a shockwave strong enough to shatter meteors, also, I exaggerate nothing when I say he ate an entire plantation of bananas in a single afternoon.
"Sweet Oum! That's more insane then the time Ruby and Yang tied in a pumpkin pete's cereal eating contest!" Weiss gasped out, and those two stopped at 500 boxes!
"*shiver* so much projectile vomiting," Blake muttered. Being one of the people who had to help clean up after that contest.
Boomstick: He's agile enough to dodge arrows on a narrow ledge, and tough enough to survive point blank explosions, multiple times!
"The guys a tank!" Ruby cheered. Using some gaming lingo she learned from Yang , who told her what a Tank was.
Wiz: But most impressively, after surviving an explosion that launched him into orbit, he used a fully charged Giant Punch to send a moon careening into the planet.
For a brief moment, everyone heard glynda screaming in the distance...
Boomstick: He apparently expands his power by using both his bananas, and...his body hair, like a monkey Burt Reynolds. If he gets a haircut, though, he loses his power, and looks really weird.
"Seriously? That's his weakness?" Weiss asked disbelievingly.
"Though I can relate when it comes to hair," Yang said while stroking her mane.
(*Cues: Super Smash Bros 64 - Kongo Jungle*)
Wiz: Wow....I....wow...well, perhaps DK's cranial deformity is linked to his greatest weakness, you see, Donkey Kong is kind of an idiot.
"How dumb are we talking about?" Blake asked.
Boomstick: We're talking about an ape who didn't realize he was following his own treasure map, until after he found the bananas it led to.
"Oh my god he's so stupid," Weiss mumbled as she couldn't believe how dumb this ape was.
Wiz: Or, while suffering from amnesia, a pirate crocodile was able to convince him that he was a crocodile, through song and dance. Donkey Kong joined in, singing about physical features he clearly does not possess.
Blake's eye twitched at this. "SERIOUSLY!?"
Weaknesses & Stupidity
Immensely stupid
As lazy as he is unintelligent
Motivated exclusively by bananas... and sometimes his loved ones
Should the hair on the top of his head be cut, he will lose all his strength
Despite his extreme power, he's still susceptible to being kidnapped easily
Boomstick: He's also just as lazy as he is stupid. One time, he and Diddy were making a killing selling frozen coconuts and could've had all the bananas they ever wanted, but the simple task of just cracking coconuts open all day was too strenuous for the big ape, so he sold the business for a couple measly bananas.
"He gave up that easily? And only for a few bananas?" Yang wondered, not fully comprehending Donkey Kong's stupidity.
Wiz: Bananas are the only motivator that seem to work on DK, but they're also the only one he needs to bring out the big guns.
Boomstick: If something separates him from his precious fruit stockpile, someone is going to die.
"I'm not even that bad when it comes to cookies," Ruby said in bewilderment.
(Donkey Kong Country - Hunka Hunk Burnin' Bluster)
King K. Rool: Nothing's stopping me this time!
Donkey Kong: Not a doin', you're gonna stop, because that's what you do when you're faced with an irresistible force!
(He punches K. Rool, sending him flying)
"I didn't even understand what he meant," Yang said while blinking a few times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knuckles the Echidna
(*Cues: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric Main Theme*)
Wiz: 4000 years ago, the echidna race thrived due to their advanced technology and talent for warfare.
"Sigh... sadly two things that go well together," Weias muttered disheartenedly.every time science advances, there was a group who wanted to use it to counger.
Boomstick: Now that's what I call a pet!, I know what i'm picking up at the pet store on the way home!
Wiz: Just a heads up, the males have four heads on their penises.
Boomstick: What.....? AWESOME!
EVERYONE turned their attention to Blake for confirmation, she simply blushed and nodded without saying a word. Everyone couldn't help but shudder at the disturbing fact.
Wiz: Desperate for the power to command the world, the Knuckles tribe staged a raid to obtain the legendary power of the Master Emerald.
"And I'll bet that didn't turn out horribly," Weiss mocked. Why can't some Societies just be happy with the golden age they already had?
Boomstick: What they didn't know is that it was protected by a giant, murderous water dragon with tentacles named Chaos, and it just killed the shit out of them.
"You'd think that they would research the thing they want to steal before running star shaped dick first into danger?" Yang joke. Getting a few groans from her friends.
Wiz: Miraculously, a young echidna girl survived, and managed to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald. The resulting energy output ripped the echidnas' home into the sky to become Angel Island, perpetually floating so long as the emerald remained in it's shrine. Sonic lore everybody...
Boomstick: Centuries later, one final descendant of the Knuckles clan remained and his name was.... Knuckles.
(*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA2 Version*)
Boomstick: So, not the most creative parenting in the world but hey. Knuckles is the lone guardian of the Master Emerald, dedicating his entire life to protecting the family jewel. Ha! But he spends most of his days sleeping and doing nothing, because really, who's gonna fly up all the way up to a tiny, floating island just to steal a rock?
"Do you want that list in alphabetical order?" Ruby asked as pulled out a list from her mane, consisting of villains from the various games, comics, and TV shows.
Wiz: Why the nefarious Dr. Eggman of course. As a ploy, Eggman convinced Knuckles that a certain blue hedgehog and a fox with two tails planned to steal the Master Emerald. Knuckles left to stop the thieves, and Eggman swiped the gem for himself.
Boomstick: Not the sharpest head on the dick, is he?
"Dammit Boomstick," muttered Weiss, wishing the he didn't remind her about echidna's... privates.
Wiz: Without its energy source, Angel Island plummeted out of the sky, until Sonic the Hedgehog literally beat the sense into Knuckles and together, they saved the day, forming a tense bromance.
Background
Age: 16
Height: 3'7"/110 cm
Weight: 88 lbs/40 kg
Sole survivor of the Echidna race
Actually does have spikes on his knuckles
Doesn't chuckle
According to a recent redesign, evidently skips leg day
"Hey look Yang, another friend of your boyfrie-" the heiress was about to say, but a glare from her friend silenced her.
"I still have that ursa costume, ice queen." threatened the blond brawler, earning a "gulp" from the heiress.
Rouge: Sounds like you've got an inferiority complex.
Knuckles: Huh? I have a what?
Rouge: Oh, nothing. Never mind Knuckles...
"Oh they have so been shipped," giggled out Ruby.
Boomstick: Since then, Knux has continued to try to guard the emerald. However most people who try to steal it... do. But luckily for ol' rad red he can track the Master Emerald using his treasure hunting skills.
"Heh, i wonder who's skills in treasure hunting are better, his? Or Uncle qrow?" Yang wondered.
Wiz: And his special bond with the gem, which allows him to detect its presence and harness some of its power. Which he can focus through the ancient martial art passed down through the Knuckles clan.
Boomstick: The ancient art of "punch the crap out of everything!" No, really. That's the answer to every single problem Knuckles has. Something in the way? Punch it! Need to climb a cliff? Punch it! Falling down a trap? Punch it! Punching not working for some reason? You fucking know he punches it more!
(We see him punch through a wall)
Rouge: You're taking this breaking and entering business way too literally.
"Wow he punches things as much as yang punches things," Ruby pointed out. Getting a grin from Weiss that put Yang on edge.
"So... Yang," started the snow huntress.
Glaring at her friend, Yang growled out. "Don't you dare..."
"I was wondering~!"
"Don't you freakin dare schnee!"
"When's the wedding!?" laughed out Weiss , MUCH to the irritation of Yang.
"Damn it Weiss!" screamed Yang.
(*Cues: Knuckles' Theme - Sonic and Knuckles*)
Wiz: Speaking of which, Knuckles can throw punches so extreme, they create explosions by igniting hydrogen in the air.
Boomstick: Sounds familiar...
"And i bet it was the debate of a lot of gamers who argued on which furry animal from a game was a rip off or not," Ruby said in a teasing tone.
Wiz: Knuckles is fast, capable of running at least 100 miles per hour. He can also take to the sky and glide. Reportedly by trapping air underneath his dreadlocks, although there's no logical way those locks are aerodynamic enough to keep him airborne.
"He's friends with a hedgehog who can run at supersonic speeds and a fox that can fly by spinning his tails like a propeller, at this point logic stops having any meaning whatsoever." Blake deadpanned.
Boomstick: Hey it's better than a tanooki flying with it's nutsack. Then again he could just be twirling his di-
"NO BOOMSTICK!" Weiss snapped.
(*Cues: Babylon Garden - Sonic Riders*)
Wiz: Annd with the spikes on his fists, Knuckles can effortlessly dig through dirt and rock, add on his attachable Shovel Claws and he can even tunnel through solid metal.
Boomstick: With arms that stringy, it makes you wonder where all this strength comes from.
"More than likely a semblance," signed out Weiss. She was starting to get use to just accepting the fact that things don't make sense.
Wiz: Well, his connection with the Master Emerald is responsible for much of his more absurd attributes, like gliding and punching explosions.
Powers & Abilities
Super strength
Can expertly tunnel through the ground
Gliding
Does this by catching air under his dreadlocks
Limited pyrokinesis and geokinesis
Punches can leave trail of explosions or shoot flaming rocks out of the ground
Apparently can breathe in space
Boomstick: Knux can shatter boulders, dodge machine guns, ride atop flying jets and missiles like skateboards, oh, and he can breathe in space.
'Raise your hand if you think they ever explained that," instructed Weiss, and now one did. "Yeah, me neither."
Wiz: He's matched and even trumped Sonic in battle, runs fast enough to cut holes in the ground, is strong enough to uproot massive trees.... (We see him throw a huge robot)
Boomstick: Hell, he's strong enough to throw this!
"Wow, he could make it big in baseball," Ruby said with a giggle.
Wiz: With a single punch, he can trigger a volcanic eruption. Doing so requires displacing pressure in a volcano's magma chamber, at minimum, this can sit around 3,280 ft or 1 kilometer below the Earth's surface. Knuckles had to have punched the ground with at least 3.9 megatons of force, over three times more powerful than the highest yield bomb in the US nuclear stockpile.
"Note to self, don't get hit by an Echidna," Weias muttered while shuddering at the thought of getting hit by one of those punches.
(*Cues: Unknown from M.E. - SA1 Version*)
Boomstick: That's cute, how about the time he punched the moon? One day, Eggman blew up half the moon, and rebuilt it into a robot moon, because, well, he gets off on that shit.
"I wonder if the same could be said about other mad scientist?" Yang wondered. Blake started to sweat when she heard that.
Wiz: Via remote control, Eggman actually changed the moon's orbit to create a never ending eclipse.
Boomstick: But never fear, Knuckles just dove out into outer space and punched the remote control into dust, causing an explosion visible from Earth.
"Awesome!" cheered out Yang and Ruby.
Wiz: And returning the moon to its normal orbit.
Feats
Can go toe-to-toe with Sonic the Hedgehog in combat
Outruns machine gun fire
Smashes through boulders effortlessly
Punches the ground with such force that it triggers volcanic eruptions
Runs so fast that he crumbles the ground beneath him
Defeated Super Mecha Sonic
Boomstick: But having these abilities isn't enough to let him win every time, especially when his biggest obstacle is his own brain.
"All muscle and barely any brains huh?" Blake guessed with a raised brow.
"More than likely," Weiss said with a nod.
Wiz: Knuckles is illiterate, doesn't know left from right, and one time, didn't realize until too late that he was eating a napkin.
Boomstick: Hey, give credit where it's due, Wiz, when he did figure it out, he stuck to his guns and finished every bite of that damn napkin. Its dinner and clean up at the same time!
"And more than likely mad going to the bathroom a little bit more painful," deadpanned Ruby.
Wiz: He hardly ever strategizes before combat, preferring to run in swinging.
Boomstick: Hey, whatever works.
"I used to think that too," muttered Yang, and she still did stuff like that, mostly when her temper or ego got the better of her. But hey, at least she's trying.
Wiz: It doesn't, well, not all the time, and despite being mortal enemies, Dr. Eggman has duped Knuckles into allying with him on multiple occasions. It's happened so often by now, you have to wonder who's side he's really on.
"That must be a headache and a half for his friends," Yang stated while scratching her head.
Weaknesses & Stupidity
By far the stupidest of his friends
Illiterate
Falls for Eggman's deceptions time and time again
Jumps into fights without much in a way of strategy
Possesses a huge ego
Boomstick: Hey, his fists can blow the top off a volcano, so why waste precious time on things like reasoning?
"I could give a few good reasons," muttered Weiss.
Amy: What a dreamboat!
(Both her and Sticks hug Knuckles)
Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Yang blinked. "Aren't they roughly the same age?"
Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governor!
Knuckles: All in a day's work.
"Ok, this is getting weird..." Ruby mumbled.
(Knuckles flies into orbit heroically)
Sonic: (in reality) Hey, that's not how it...
Knuckles: Shh!
"THERE it is! Just a weird fantasy..." Weiss sighed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't know about you guys but i'm hoping Knuckles wins, also shut up Weiss!" Yang quickly yelled at.Weiss, who was laughing with the rest of her friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Death Battle
(*Cues: Guilty Gear Xrd - Django Django*)
Knuckles is seen gliding around DK Island when his stomach starts growling. He sees Donkey Kong's banana hoard and flies down towards it. He picks up one of the bananas and starts eating it but it turns out DK is right behind him watching. He notices DK's angry face but finishes it anyways. DK knocks out the rest of the banana hoard and angrily roars while pounding his chest.
"He's going bananas!" Yang yelled before laughing at her own joke.
"*sigh* can we not make puns," muttered Weiss.
(*Cues: Impulse to Victory - Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3*)
FIGHT!
Donkey Kong attacks first by launching his fist to Knuckles, but Knuckles steps to the side, avoiding Donkey Kong's first attack. DK tries to squish Knuckles by slamming his palm on top of Knuckles, but ends up missing as Knuckles avoids again. Donkey Kong gets furious, repeatedly and rapidly slamming his fists/palms to the ground, but Knuckles avoids every swing.
"Speed is his best friend in this fight," Ruby commented. One hit could mean the end for knuckles.
Donkey Kong then leaps forward, trying to pounce on Knuckles and strangle him. However, Knuckles safely gets out of DK's attacks unharmed, as Donkey Kong still tries to attack in his current area. Donkey Kong then gets dizzy after his attack, leaving him vulnerable.
"Kong as left himself wide open," Blake said with a shake of the head. This is what happens when you get carried away in a fight.
Knuckles uses his advantage by punching Donkey Kong's stomach, next doing an uppercut to lose Donkey Kong's balance, slamming both fists on Donkey Kong's head, and finally doing a blow on Donkey Kong's torso, knocking DK backwards onto a coconut tree.
Due to Knuckles' tremendous force, a coconut hits DK's head once he was slammed into the coconut tree. Donkey Kong gets an idea about his next plan of attack.
"Monkey boys got a plan," Yang said with a giggle.
"Ape," corrected Weiss in a quiet tone.
As Knuckles was laughing at Donkey Kong, Knuckles was also hit by a coconut.
Knuckles: Oh no! (Note: he says this whenever he gets hit with a coconut so you get the picture when it says it)
Knuckles notices that DK is swinging on a vine, shooting homing coconuts with his Coconut Shooter. Several coconuts are flying at Knuckles' head, but Knuckles quickly ducks. As he notices more coconuts are coming, Knuckles quickly reacts, evading all the coconuts shot by Donkey Kong. After Knuckles dodges all of his coconuts, he does a quick celebration.
Knuckles: All right!
"Don't celebrate just yet," Blake said. Pride before the fall and all that.
All of the homing coconuts turn back once Knuckles evaded them. Knuckles was then hit by one of the coconuts on the back of his head. Knuckles realizes the all of the coconuts are aiming at himself at the same time. Knuckles was preparing to evade, but Donkey Kong charges in and punches Knuckles upward to the air, but the homing coconuts missed Knuckles.
"Well at least the coconuts missed him," Ruby said, trying to look at the silver lining.
After Knuckles recovers, he jumps on DK's head, then constantly punches Donkey Kong's torso. Donkey Kong recovers from Knuckles's blows, then tries to slam him with his own hand, but misses as usual. Once Knuckles evaded, a coconut hit Knuckle's head. Donkey Kong uses this time to crush Knuckles with his foot, but ends up knocking Knuckles backward, along with more homing coconuts hitting Knuckles in the head.
"Man, even if he wins this, he's more than likely going to have brain damage after this," Weiss said. She was getting a headache from watching this.
Knuckles spins, grabbing a few of Donkey Kong's homing coconuts, then throws it at Donkey Kong's head, successfully hitting him. Knuckles is hit by another coconut, noticing more coconuts are aiming toward him. Knuckles hits a coconut, knocking it back towards another coconut, and repeats a few more times. The homing coconuts was then launched up to the air as Donkey Kong looks.
Knuckles runs away to prevent from being hit by any more coconuts. Suddenly, Donkey Kong emerges out of a bush and head-butts Knuckles, making him stuck on the ground. Knuckles was hit by two more homing coconuts, becoming annoyed with them. Donkey Kong charges up his punch, then tries to slam Knuckles while he was stuck, creating a blast of wind that almost knocks the trees.
"Man Donkey Kong must be a master of whack a mole," Yang said in wonderment.
After Donkey Kong released the powerful slam, Donkey Kong realizes Knuckles is gone. Donkey Kong crouches, then peeks in the hole Knuckles made, scratching his head to wonder where is Knuckles. As DK stands up, after giving up from finding Knuckles, Knuckles punches DK in the back, making Donkey Kong slam into the ground, then he digs into the ground to hide.
"Yeah! Keep doing that and you'll win!" cheered Ruby.
(*Cues: Jungle Level Ver 2 - Super Smash Bros. Brawl*)
As Donkey Kong recovers from the surprise attack, Knuckles then continues digging and popping out of the ground for multiple surprise attacks on DK. Donkey Kong then starts slamming the ground, which disrupts and destroys Knuckles' paths. Knuckles then digs back to the surface and runs around Donkey Kong, making DK notice him. The ground collapses under DK, making him fall down to the pit.
Knuckles: Hmph, not as strong as you thought you were!
RD gave that line a nod as she added the quote to her badass quotes book.
Knuckles then gets hit with the last homing coconut and falls into the pit as well.
"Yep! Pride before the fall," Weiss stated. Didn't need to be a physicist to see that coming.
DK lands on a minecart safely, but the minecart tilts, then ends up riding along the rails. Knuckles glides along the cavern, preparing to strike. Knuckles charges in, preparing to punch DK's face, but Donkey Kong punches Knuckles' fist, blocking the attack. Donkey Kong tries to punch him next, but the minecart is constantly switching railings.
"Their going to run out of tracks eventually," Blake whispered out, and when it did both of them are going to be in trouble.
Knuckles gets in Donkey Kong's minecart and attempts to strangle him, both now in a tight struggle. As the two continue their fight, they notice the railing is incomplete, leading to nowhere. As soon as they realize it, they both hug each other, screaming in fear. After the minecart falls out of the railing, Knuckles clutches onto the cavern wall, with Donkey Kong clutching onto Knuckles' waist.
Knuckles tries punching his fists in to stay on the wall, but due to Donkey Kong's huge weight, it starts to pull Knuckles down. DK tries slapping the wall to keep onto the wall, but Knuckles ignites the hydrogen in the air, creating an explosion on his fist. Knuckles continuously punches the wall in order to stay in, but his solution failed, as both fall down from the wall and creating a rockslide inside the cavern.
As Donkey Kong stops grabbing Knuckles waist, he instead claps both hands around Knuckles (shouting his final "Oh no!"), squashing him like a fly and spurting blood all over Donkey Kong's palms. The cavern collapses, creating a large crater that is formed on the island.
"Ewww! He squished him like a bug," Weiss said with a green face.
On a nearby mountain, Knuckles' arms come out of the ground, but it turns out they were severed from his body as the clap DK did on him killed him. DK tosses the arms aside and starts pounding his chest and roaring in victory.
"man... that's pretty messed up," Yang muttered.
Nodding her head in agreement Ruby said. "Pretty messed up indeed."
KO!
DK starts rebuilding his banana hoard, while Knuckles' severed arms are hit with another coconut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Results
(*Cues: Donkey Kong Country Cartoon - Instrumental Theme Song *)
Wiz: Knuckles may have had the edge in speed and agility, but his stubborn strategy of rushing in only played in Donkey Kong's favor by keeping close and in range.
"Yeah! Red would of done better doing some hit and run tactics," Yang instructed.
Boomstick: Both were tough enough to survive atmospheric re-entry and the vacuum of space, but only Donkey Kong has survived an explosion strong enough to launch him into orbit in the first place.
"Yeah i doubt any of us could survive something like that," Blake said, while suffering at the thought.
Wiz: Knuckles and DK may have punched moons but both feats are not precisely what they seem. The moon Donkey Kong punched belongs to the Mario universe, and is clearly smaller than our own moon, by comparing the size to that of Donkey Kong Island, we found this moon is approximately 2775 feet in diameter and weighs 9.9 quadrillion tons. Knocking out of orbit means DK punched it with a strike of over 3000 megatons of force.
"That is one strong monkey!" Ruby cheered out as she jump on the couch.
"Ruby don't jump there! You'll break the couch," Weiss yelled at the Young leader. "Also he's an ape not a monkey!"
"Your royalty, you can replace it," Yang muttered. Heck the couch was from the bargain bin!
"It's the principle of the thing Yang," shot back the princess of ice.
Boomstick: So not quite as impressive as punching our real moon, but hey, still way better than what Knuckles can do. Knuckles only destroyed a receiver controlling the moon's flight path.
"That is pretty miniscule compared to DK's strength," Blake said with a nod. Still a little sad that Knuckles had lost.
Wiz: And although the moon's orbit changed afterwards it's unreasonable to say Knuckles is responsible. He has no other feats supporting this outlier and the moon was previously established to move itself due to being... part robot now... Sonic lore.
"I'm starting to hate Yang's boyfriend's lore," muttered Weiss as she rubbed her temple.
Boomstick: Knuckles' speed wasn't enough when DK was just that much stronger and tough enough to take anything thrown at him. DK just wasn't echidna-ing around.
"That pun physically hurt," groaned out Ruby, while the rest of the group groaned in agreement.... Well besides Yang who was too busy laughing at the joke.
Wiz: The winner is Donkey Kong.
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Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE!
The screen turns black as a voice said, "In all my years, I've never seen anything like this." The screen shows two people as one looks in the back at a third person wearing a yellow suit.
"What is that?" Weiss asked while pointing a finger.
"The character or outfit?" Yang asked, but didn't get an answer.
The camera moves towards the yellow suited individual before showing a human fist. The group watch the screen in confusion just as blade pierced through the knuckles.
"WHAT THE HELL?" Weiss yelled.
"WOAH," Ruby said, feeling excited.
The screen shows many different clips of a man jumping in front of a wife and child, holding something down and laying on a train with those blades scratching it. Before the trailer ends, they see one word and a silhouette of a man that fills them with excitement and wonder.
Wolverine
"We finally get to see Wolverine? This is gonna be so cool," Ruby said with her half sis.
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