How many times he woke up while the shreds of a dream were still flashing through his mind? That he was mistaking the female curves of another woman for hers? Also today, Juice told himself that this was nothing but a beautiful dream and he snuggled up to the to stay a little longer in the moment. His lips touched her warm shoulder and her scent tickled his nostrils. Fuck, it felt so real... A sharp pain hit his heart. No longer wanting to torture himself with this fantasy, he opened his eyes. Her golden hair was draped over her shoulder and he could just catch a glimpse of her jaw. He didn't know where he had found this little whore, but the similarities were stunning.
Fye!
"Shit!" Immediately he shied way from the girl, sitting up straight. Oh shit, how could he have done this? He didn't want to be unfaithful – he had really believed he was in control! "Oh fuck." Grunting, he shook the girl's shoulder. "Hey, you gotta go. And keep your mouth shut about this, otherwise..."
He became silent when she turned around, looking drowsy at him. "I've heard sweeter things comin' from your mouth."
"D-Dana? I thought – how is this possible? I thought this was a dream, that..."
This still had to be a dream. Or was he just going crazy?
She sat up straight, causing the blanket to drop down, revealing her breasts. He stared at them. For years they had been part of his fantasies, but never before he had such a detailed memory of every curve and every birthmark. Underneath the blanket she bent a knee as she took his hand, her thumb stroking the back of it. The small touch made his breathing speed up, sending shivers through his whole body, in such an intense way it called up tears in his eyes. He squeezed them.
For a while he kept sitting there like that, trying to regain control over his breathing. It was just too much to comprehend. He felt how she moved, how she sat down on his lap. A shiver traveled through his body as her hands cupped his cheeks.
"Look at me baby."
Without hesitating, he opened his eyes and looked into her beautiful eyes, as he had done so many times when he was close to a panic attack.
"It's over. Maddox is dead."
"But... but so are you."
Her smile proved him wrong. Her hands wandered across his chest and the longing for her was so heavy it hurt. Laying a hand on her lower back, he pulled her closer. Tears were still on the edge of his eyelids when he kissed her. It was a slow, intense kiss, shutting off all his thoughts. His hand found her breast, massaging it until she softly moaned into his mouth. The sound made him shiver.
The kiss became more passionate, every stroke of her tongue making him feel so excited that it didn't take long before he was out of breath. Hiding his troubled breathing, he kissed her neck and the ink between her breasts and her neck, before he turned his attention to her beautiful bosom.
"Oh Juice," she whispered as he laid his lips around her nipple and started to suck. Her hands glided across his head, her waist pressed against his. He moved his hand to his boxers to free himself, but before he managed to do so she sighed, leaning with her forehead against his.
"I promised your girlfriend not to have sex with you."
"She's no longer my girlfriend. You are. You are my fiance. God, finally I can marry you, make you mine." He looked up to her, caressing her cheek. "I love you."
She smiled, although it was a bit of a sad smile. "Break up with her first. I don't want us to start like this. While you're cheating."
He waved at her breasts who he had loved only a minute ago. "I already cheated on her."
"You know what I mean." She pushed him down and lowered herself on top of him, her elbow propped up next to them to support her head while she looked down on him. "Many things have happened the past years. Things we have to talk about. We can't just pick up where we left."
Sighing, he shoved his hand underneath his head. He didn't want to talk about the past years. What if she found out what he had done to Lotte? She would never look at him the same. He thought about all the horrible things she had gone through herself, suddenly remembering the little boy he had seen.
"That kid... is he your son?" he asked in a low voice. "Or is he with the other girl?"
"Casper is my son. Maddox forced me to have sex with someone so we could have a kid."
Her words caused a pang in his chest. "I... I can't talk about this yet," he muttered. "I – I'm not even completely convinced that you're still alive. I don't get it... I saw you in that coffin. I touched you, I..." Again his breathing fell heavier and he wiped his eyes. "You're dead. This – this ain't real..."
She stroked his cheek. "Maddox used the poison of a fish to paralyze me, making my heartbeat almost undetectable." She took a deep breathe. "I asked Maddox to do that for me." The expression on her face became sad.
He wanted her to stop talking, he wanted to see her smile, but he understood she needed this.
"Maddox had installed cameras in your apartment. He let me watch you... I saw what you were going through, and when you found out that Lotte worked for Maddox..."
He froze. "You saw that?"
"Yeah, Maddox made me watch it. I think he hoped that I would hate you for it. But I could never hate you, baby. I felt so sorry for you. I thought – I thought it would be better if I was dead, so you could find some closure. So you could all find some closure, and so Maddox would believe that I no longer wanted to escape."
It took a few words before her words landed. "You're telling me... You're telling me it was your idea to fake your death? You made me mourn without you actually being dead?! How – how could you do that to me?!" He was getting trouble breathing, his eyes filled with tears again. Roughly, he pushed her away and sat up straight. "My baby girl was dead. I lost everything. I've been sitting at an empty grave for two years; pouring my heart out to a piece of stone and now you're telling me it was your idea?!"
"It was what was best for you. It..."
"How would you know?!" he snapped. "You weren't there! You had no idea how I felt! What it's like to live with the thought that you were dead while I should have protected you!" He wiped his eyes, but the anger made his tears vaporize. "I had just lost Lotte. How could you think that it was better for me to lose you too? For good!"
She stayed calm. "I didn't want you to keep looking for me for the rest of your life. I knew you would never be able to trust a woman again after Lotte's betrayal – you would suspect any girl of spying for Maddox. I didn't know if I would ever find a way to leave him. You had to move on." She kept his glance. "He showed me everything, Juice. The times that you were taking an overdosis, lying helplessly on the floor while all I could do was pray that someone would find you. I saw you beat up your new girlfriend, saw you strangle her..."
"Just shut up!" he yelled. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't need a reminder of his cowardliness, of all the disgusting things he had done. "Leave. Just leave..." He waved at the door. "I can't... I can't do this right now..." He cursed, all his muscles were contracting. Something dark flowed through his veins, making his heart grow cold. "By dying, you caused me more pain than anyone else. You hurt me more than Lotte did. More than Maddox."
"It wasn't an easy decision, Juice." She got off the bed, pulling her shirt over her head. "I did it because I love you. Because I know you, and I knew dealing with my death would be easier than dealing with my disappearance."
He gritted his teeth. He knew what she was insinuating; that he would have killed himself if she hadn't done it, and the thought that she believed that he was such a coward, made him furious. Even if it was true. "Then you should have known too that it was better to stay away. If you really wanted me to move on, you wouldn't have returned."
She squared her shoulders. Even if his words hurt her, she didn't show it. "There were more reasons to return to Charming than you alone, Juice. And you're the one abandoning his girlfriend the moment you saw me. You never moved on. Not really."
His jaw clenched. "If I'd known that you were such a backstabbing bitch, it certainly would have helped me to get over you!"
She looked him shortly in the eye. Her calmness made his blood boil.
"What?!" he snapped. "You don't like my tone? You can't stand those blunt words? Well guess what; you are the one who made me this way!"
"I know," she replied softly. "And I'm sorry. But a cold heart can be warmed. A dead one can't. This was the lesser of two evils."
She took her shoes from the floor and left his room. Yelling, Juice grabbed his nightstand and threw it to the other side of the room.
She had almost literally thrown it into his face.
That he was weak. That he was a coward.