Lotte sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her phone. She had to call him, filling him in about the changes. But she was so sick of it – she couldn't live with herself, with the betrayal. Especially now Juice had gone into rehab and wanted to start over, she didn't want this to ruin their relationship.
She however had no choice. She couldn't let her little sister suffer because of her feelings for Juice. Sighing she looked for the right number and called it. Like every time she was listening to the dial tone she felt ice cold. Before every call she was afraid that he would give her the final order – to kill him in his sleep.
"Yeah?"
A shiver traveled through her body as she heard his cold voice. Tears stung in her eyes. "I don't know how much longer I can take this," she whispered.
She hadn't wanted to speak out that thought, but somehow she never controlled her thoughts when she was speaking to him.
"You think he will kill you?"
"What? – No," she answered baffled.
She heard him snort. "He's no longer beating you?"
"No. He's just back from rehab, he's doing well. He told me Dana had called him." She held her breath, afraid that mentioning the girl's name stirred up his darkness. There however was no doubt that Maddox expected her to mention the call, whether he already knew about it or not.
"I know. Dana wants to distance herself from him."
"Yeah..." Her voice was shaking. "I think he made peace with the situation."
At least that was what Juice was thinking. Lotte had her doubts. She had the feeling that the fact that he wanted to be with her now, had little to do with his feelings for her; he was rather fulfilling a promise he had made Dana. He was doing this for Dana, and not because of her.
"His sister has been sent to prison and he has to take care of his nephew now." She found it hard to share the information; the last thing she wanted was putting little Mikey in danger. The thought however of what Maddox would do if he found out she had kept things from him, was much more terrifying. She wanted to offer him transparency; that was the best way to keep everyone safe. "He moved in with me because I have an extra room." She took a deep breath. "You want me to move the cameras?"
"Hmm. Just buy some new ones for your house."
She bent her head and squeezed her eyes. A pounding headache was coming on. "How long do I have to keep doing this?" she whispered. "How much longer before you finally release my sister?" She wiped her eyes as they were filled with tears. "Dana is with you for over a year. And all this time Charlie..." Her lips were quivering. "Please let her go."
"Be careful you're not starting to annoy me, Lotte. I already rejected two customers who were interested in her."
She pressed her lips together. Once he had sold her, it would be impossible to track down her sister. Bile was burning in her throat. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he did this to a fifteen year old girl.
She started to sob, no matter how hard she fought against it. The secret she was keeping was weighing too heavy; she no longer knew how to keep her head above the water. She wanted to tell Juice what was going on, but as soon as Maddox would get wind of it she would lose her sister. For good. While she was going through even worse things than Dana did.
"Haven't I proven my loyalty?" she whispered. "I'm always obedient. I... I... Please Maddox. Take her away from that place."
He was silent for a while. She didn't know whether he was angry or seriously considering her pleas.
"If you will show your best behavior the next couple of months, I will make sure she gets another job."
"Job? What job?" Her voice cracked; she was afraid that she was only making things worse for her sister.
"A job where she doesn't have to spread her legs," he answered coldly. "I will personally see to the fact that men will no longer touch her. Does that reassure you?"
She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath through her nose. He had to be in a terrifying good mood if he offered this. "Yes," she whispered. "Where – where will she go?"
"You ask a lot of questions, Lotte." There was not only disapproval in his voice, she heard that it also amused him. "My girl will need a bit of help after giving birth to our son or daughter. Being a nanny instead of keeping the bed of old men warm; isn't that an improvement?"
A shiver crept down her spine. So Dana was pregnant again. That poor girl.
Despite the pity she felt, there was also something else, something that gave her a nagging feeling in the stomach. For some reason she felt jealousy. Not because she was a prisoner, but because she could bear so much suffering without breaking, because she could help Juice with one call while her days were blacker than night for more than a year. Giving up just seemed a word she didn't know. Lotte admired her, but there were sparse moments that jealousy took over.
She herself had the feeling that she was a vase full of cracks that would shatter at the slightest touch.
"I had expected a little more enthusiasm."
His dark tone made her shiver again. "I – I am grateful," she whispered. "It's... It's a very generous offer. I'm just... I'm just afraid that I will ruin it for her."
"Keep in mind for who you are doing this, Lotte." She could easily imagine his wink. "If you behave like a good girl, I will bring your sister to a safe place. Is that enough motivation for you to handle your stolen life again?"
Stolen life. Her stomach hurt and she felt sick. It was a painful accusation; that she had stolen Dana's life. She had seen the look on Juice's face when he had played with the Lego while she was making lunch. He had wished that it had been Dana who had been in the kitchen, and that their daughter had been sitting next to him instead of his nephew.
In a way it was true; she was a replacement for Dana and she had stolen her life, her boyfriend. But only because a psychotic dark soul had forced her into it.
And if Juice would ever find out, he would hate her for it. Then she would lose everything – her lover, her sister... maybe even her life.
The skin of her face started to burn as if the invisible scars were lighting up. He had beaten the shit out of her just because she had been angry with him for cheating on her. What the hell would he do with her when he discovered that she was spying for Maddox?
Suddenly she heard the front door open. Quickly she wiped away the tears, trying to control her breathing. "I have to go."
"I believe that you first need to tell me something."
"Lotte?" she heard from the living room.
Lotte tried to think, but she was scared to death that Juice would enter the bedroom, somehow knowing what she had done. Hanging up was neither a possibility – people would get hurt if she ignored Maddox's question.
Suddenly she knew what he wanted to hear.
"Congratulations. With the fact that you will become a father."
She got an amused, satisfied laugh in return. "Thank you. We're not there yet, but it won't take long. You can go now, Lotte. We'll be in touch."
The door of the bedroom opened. Quickly she lowered the phone and stared at Juice.
"Who was that?" he asked. She could feel his scorching, searching gaze.
"Um, my sister," she said, slipping the device in her pocket.
"I didn't know you had one."
She nodded absentminded, feeling a warm glow creep up to her cheeks. "She lives on the other side of the country." Quickly she stood up. Was she seeing spooks now or did Juice look suspicious? "You got your stuff?"
"Enough for the next days," he muttered. "After that we'll see."
A shiver crept down her spine as he turned around. Her heart was racing in her chest, so wildly it hurt. Maybe it was because she had just spoken to Maddox, who was always poisoning her mind and scaring her, but suddenly Juice didn't seem as loving as he had been earlier today.