Songs for the final chapter are:
I'm a Mess- Ed Sheeran
Never Say Never- The Fray
Look After You- The Fray
Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope
Poison and Wine- The Civil Wars
Never Let me Go- Florence and The Machine
Tessa's POV.
"You are absolutely stunning, such a beautiful bride," Karen gushes. I nod, agreeing with her. I adjust the straps on my own gown and look back into the mirror.
"He is going to be so stricken. I still can't believe how fast this day has come," I smile.
"What if I trip? What if he doesn't show at the altar."
"He will, Ken drove him to the church this morning." Karen laughs, reassuring the two of us.
"He wouldn't miss this for world." I promise.
"I sure hope not. I will be really pissed." LIam's bride lets out a nervous laugh. Her smile is so lovely, even with anxiety buzzing beneath the surface of the beauty, she's holding herself together quite well.
My fingers gently brush over her dark curls, adjusting the sheer veil on her head. I glance at her beautiful face in the mirror and lift my hand to touch her bare shoulder. Her brown eyes are filled with tears and she's chewing nervously on her lower lip.
"It wil be fine, you'll be fine." I promise. The silver of my dress shines under the light and I admire the beauty of every detail behind this wedding.
"Is it too soon? We've only been back together for a few months. Do you think it's too soon, Tessa?" My friend asks me. I've grown so close with her in the past two years, I could sense something was off when her fingers were trembling as she helped me zip my bridesmaid's gown.
"It's not too soon. You two have been through so much in the last year alone. You're just over thinking this." I comfort her. "I know a thing or two about that," I smile.
"Are you nervous to see him?" She asks, eyes searching my face.
Yes. Terrified. Completely and utterly panicked inside.
"No, I'll be okay. It's been so long," I look at Karen who has her eyes focused on the floor in front of her.
"Too long," Liam's mother says under her breath. My heart grows heavy and I press back the distant ache that accompanies every thought surrounding him.
I swallow the words I could and maybe should say. "Can you believe that your only son is getting married today?" I quickly change the subject. My distraction works like magic and she smiles, squeals, and begins to tear up at once.
"Oh, my makeup will be a mess." She pats her fingertips under her eyes and her light brown hair moves with her as she shakes her head.
A knock at the door silences the three of us. "Honey?" Ken's voice is soft and cautious. Walking into the bride's room full of emotional women will do that to a man.
"Abby just woke from her nap," Ken tells his wife as he opens the door, his daughter on his hip. Her dark brown hair and bright green eyes are striking, lighting up every room the little girl enters. "I can't seem to find the diaper bag."
"It's over there, next to that chair." She points. "Could you feed her? I'm afraid she will throw mashed peas at my dress," Karen laughs. "Terrible two's have come a little early for us." Karen reaches for Abby and the little girl smiles, showing a full row of tiny teeth.
"Momma," the chubby toddler calls, reaching both of her little hands to grasp the strap of Karen's dress. My heart melts every time I hear the sweet little girl speak.
"Hi, miss Abby," I poke the little girl's cheek, making her giggle. It's a beautiful sound. I ignore the way Karen and LIam's soon to be wife stare at me with sympathy in their eyes.
"Hi," she buries her face into her mom's shoulder.
"Are you ladies almost ready? We only have about ten minutes until the music will start." Ken warns.
"He's okay right? He still wants to marry me?" The worried bride asks her future father in law.
Ken smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners, "Yes dear, of course he does. He's nervous as he could be, but Harry's helping with his nerves." Everyone of us, myself included, laughs at this.
"If Harry's helping with his nerves, I better cancel the honeymoon now." The bride rolls her eyes in humor and shakes her head.
"We better get going, I'll feed Abby something small to hold her over until the reception." Ken kisses his wife on the mouth before taking the toddler back into his arms and leaving the room.
"You're okay, right?" Karen and Liam's fiance both ask at the same time.
"Yes. Please don't worry for me, I'm okay." I promise the two of them. I am okay, I have been okay on and off for the last two years.
The worst part of being okay is that, okay is far from happy. Okay is that gray space in the middle where you can wake up each day and carry on with your life, even laugh and smile often, but okay isn't joy. Okay isn't looking forward to each second of your day, and okay isn't getting the most out of life. Being okay is what most people settle for, myself included, and we pretend that okay is fine, when we actually hate it and we spend majority of our time waiting to break out of just being okay.
He gave me a taste of how great life can be outside of okay and I've missed it ever since.
I've been okay for a long time and I'm not sure how to get out of it now, but I hope for the day that I can say, I'm great, instead of I'm okay.
"You ready, Mrs. Payne?" I smile at the lucky woman in front of me.
"No." She says, "but I will be as soon as I see him."
Harry's POV.
"Last chance to bail." I say to Liam while helping him adjust his tie.
"Thanks, jerk." He fires back, pushing my hands away to mess with the crooked tie. "I've worn a hundred ties in my life, yet this one refuses to straighten out." He's nervous and I feel for him. Sort of.
"Don't wear a tie then." I suggest.
"I can't just not wear a tie. I'm getting married." He rolls his eyes.
"That's exactly why you don't have to wear a tie. It's your day and you're the one spending all this money. If you don't want to wear a tie, don't wear a fucking tie. Hell, if I was the one getting married today, they would be lucky if I wore pants."
"Good thing you aren't getting married then. I wouldn't come." My best friend laughs. His fingers twist and tug at the tie around his neck.
"We both know that i'lll never be married." I stare at myself in the mirror.
"Maybe," Liam's eyes meet mine in the mirror. "You're okay, right? She's here. Your dad saw her."
Hell no I'm not.
"Yeah, I'm okay. You act like I didn't know she was coming. She's your best friend and your bride's maid of honor. This is no surprise to me." I tell him. I pull the tie from my own neck and hand it to him. "Here, since yours is a piece of shit, you can have mine."
"You have to wear a tie, it goes with your tux." Liam scolds me.
"You know damn well you're lucky I'm wearing this thing in the first place." I tug at the heavy material covering my body.
Liam's eyes close briefly and he sighs in both relief and frustration. "I suppose you're right, thank you for the tie."
"And for wearing clothes to your wedding?" I push.
"Shut up," he rolls his eyes and runs his hands down the sleeves of his crisp black tuxedo. "What if she doesn't show up at the altar?" Liam asks.
"She will."
"But what if she doesn't. Am I crazy for getting married so fast?"
"Yes." I admit.
"Well, thanks."
"Crazy isn't always a bad thing." I point out.
He takes me in, his eyes searching my face for some sort of hint that I may unravel at any time. "Are you going to try to talk to her?" He asks.
"I don't know. I think her skipping the rehearsal dinner to avoid me is a pretty good indication that she doesn't want to see me."
"She's not the same either. She acts like she's happy but I know she isn't."
Her happiness is the most important thing, not just to me, but the world simply isn't the same when Tessa Young isn't happy. I would know, I spent an entire year draining the life from her while simultaneously making her shine. It's fucked up and makes no sense to the outside world, but I have never, and will never give a shit about the outside world.
"Try and make it through the wedding without causing a scene, but the two of you need to talk. I've been telling her this for months."
"Five minutes guys," my father's voice sounds from the other side of the door. This room is small and smells like old leather and moth balls, but this is Liam's wedding day. I'll wait until after the reception to complain about it. Maybe I'll just take my complaints straight to my dad, I suspect he's the one paying for this shit anyway, given the state of the bride's parents and all.
'You ready, you crazy bastard?" I ask Liam one last time.
"No, but I will be when I see her."
Tessa's POV.
"Where's Robert?" Karen looks around the small wedding party. "Tessa? Do you know where he is?" She asks.
I knew I should have had him ride with me to the church, I just didn't want him to be bored out of his mind waiting for me to have my hair curled and face painted with makeup. "I tried to call him but he didn't pick up. I'm sure he will be here soon." I say, not knowing if it's true or not.
"If he doesn't show in the next thirty seconds-" I don't hear the rest of Karen's sentence. I'm completely distracted by the sound of Harry's voice. He's walking out from the long hallway to my left, his mouth moving in that slow way it always has, as he talks to Liam.
His hair is longer than it looked in the pictures I've seen of him recently. I can't help that I've been reading every single one of his interviews, every article about him, whether it's true or false, and maybe, just maybe, I've emailed a few heated complaints to bloggers who have printed terrible things about him and his story. Our story.
The sight of the metal ring in his lip surprises me, even though I knew it has reappeared, I had forgotten how good it looks on him in person. I'm taken, absolutely consumed by seeing him again, thrown back into a world that I fought hard in, and lost nearly every battle that was thrown my way, only to leave without the one thing that I was fighting for, him.
"We need someone to walk with Tessa, her boyfriend didn't show up," someone says. At the mention of my name, Harry's focus snaps forward, his eyes search for half a second before he finds me. I break the connection first, looking down at my high heels peeking from underneath my floor length dress.
"Who can walk with the maid of honor? See, this is why everyone should come to the rehearsal dinner," the wedding planner huffs as she walks past me.
"I'll do it." Harry speaks up, raising his hand. He looks so put together, so devastatingly handsome in a black tuxedo with no tie. Black ink shows just beneath the clean white collar, and I feel a soft touch to my arm.
"Is that okay with you?" Karen asks me. I blink a few times, trying to understand what's happening while being confused and a little embarrassed that he still affects me the way that he does after all this time.
"Yes of course." I nod, clearing my throat and tearing my eyes away from Harry.
"It's settled then, let's go. Groom to the altar please," the planner claps her hands and Liam rushes past, gently squeezing my hand as he passes.
Breathe in. Breathe out. It's only for a few minutes, less than that really. I can do this. I can walk down the aisle with him next to me.
For Liam's wedding of course. Momentarily, I battle within myself to not think about walking down the aisle with him in any other way.
Harry stands next to me without a word and the music begins. He's staring at me, I know that he is but I can't bring myself to glance up at him. With the height of these shoes, I'm near his height and he's standing so closely that I can smell the soft cologne clinging to his tux.
The small church has been transformed into a beautiful, yet simple venue and the guests have quietly filled almost every row. Beautiful flowers, so brightly colored that they may as well be neon, cover the old wooden pews and white cloth is draped from row to row.
"It's a little too bright, don't you think? I think simple red and white lilies would have done the trick." Harry surprises me by saying. His arm loops through mine as the wedding planner waves for the two of us to begin our descent down the aisle.
"Yeah, lilies would have been gorgeous. This is nice too, for them." I fumble with the words.
"Your doctor boyfriend didn't show?" Harry taunts me. I look over to find him smiling, only teasing behind his green eyes. His jaw line is even more defined than before and his eyes are deeper, not as guarded as they always were.
"He's in med school, he's not a doctor yet. But no, he isn't here yet. He will be here I'm sure, he's just late." I say. I know he will be here, he's not the type to leave me hanging without giving me a warning.
"How are you two? It's been a year now, hasn't it?" He asks, his voice betraying the emotion he's trying to hide.
"No, only a few months. No where near a year." This aisle is a lot longer to walk down than it looked from the hallway. I can't bring myself to ask if he's seeing anyone, and I haven't asked Kimberly for updates on his dating habits in over six months.
"Not longer than us, then?" My feet catch, and Harry grips my elbow, steadying me before I fall face first onto the white silk covering the aisle.
"No."
"Good." He replies, keeping his eyes toward the front of the church where Liam stands.
"You put your lip ring back in," I change the subject before I embarrass myself further. We walk past my mother, sitting quietly next to her husband David. She looks slightly worried but I give her credit when she smiles at Harry and I when we pass. David leans into her, whispering something, and she smiles again, nodding to him.
"She seems much happier now." Harry whispers. We probably shouldn't be talking as we walk down the aisle but Harry and I are known for doing things that we shouldn't do.
I've missed him more than he could ever know.
"She is. David has been an incredible influence on her."
"I know, she told me."
I stop again, this time Harry smiles while helping me continue down the never ending aisle. "What do you mean?"
"Your mum, I've spoken to her a few times. You know that."
I have no clue what he's talking about.
"She came to a signing last fall, when my second book came out."
What?
"What did she say?" I ask. My voice is too loud and a few guests stare at us for much too long.
"We will talk after this. I promised Liam that I wouldn't ruin his wedding." Harry smiles at me as we reach the altar and I try, I really do try, to focus on my best friend's wedding, but I can't keep my eyes or mind off of the best man.
Harry's POV.
The reception part of a wedding is the most tolerable part. Everyone is a little less uptight and easily loosened up by a few glasses of free booze and an overpriced complimentary meal.
The wedding was flawless, the groom cried more than the bride, and I am proud of myself for only staring at Tessa ninety-nine percent of the time. I heard some of the vows, I swear I did. That's about it though. Judging by the way Liam's arms are wrapped around his new wife's waist and the way she's laughing at something he's saying as they dance across the floor in front of everyone, I would say the wedding went well.
"I'll have a club soda if you have it," I ask the woman behind the bar.
"With vodka or gin?" She asks, pointing to the row of bottles of liquor.
"Neither, just the soda. No liquor." I clarify. She stares at me for a moment before nodding and filling a clear glass with ice and soda.
"There you are," a familiar voice says as a hand touches my shoulder. Vance is behind me, his pregnant wife next to him.
"You've been looking for me, have you?" I sarcastically remark.
"He has not." Kimberly smiles, her hand resting on her giant belly.
"You okay? You look like you're going to fall over with that thing," I look down at her swollen feet, then back up to her sour expression.
"That thing is my baby in there. I'm nine months pregnant, but I will still slap you." She warns me, sass still intact.
"If you can reach past that stomach of yours of course," I tease her. She proves me wrong and sure enough, I'm slapped by a pregnant woman at a wedding.
I rub my arm as if her playful assualt actually hurt me and she laughs when her husband calls me an asshole for goading his wife.
"You looked nice walking down the aisle with Tessa." Vance says.
My breath catches and I clear my throat, searching the dark room for her long blonde hair and that sinful satin dress. "Yeah, I wasn't going to be doing any wedding party shit outside of letting Liam call me his best man, but her douche bag of a boyfriend didn't show up."
"He's here now." Kim informs me. "But he's not actually her boyfriend. You didn't buy that crap, did you? She spends time with him but you can tell by the way they act that it's nothing serious. Not like you two are."
"Were." I remind her.
She grins at me, a cunning grin, and nods her head to direct me to the table closest to the bar. Tessa is sitting there, silky dress shining under the moving lights. Her eyes are on me, or maybe Kimberly. No, her eyes are on me, and she quickly looks away.
"See, like I said, you two are." Smug and pregnant, she laughs at my expense and I down my club soda and toss the cup in the trash before ordering a water. My stomach is twisting and turning and I'm acting like a little fucking girl right now, trying not to stare at the beautiful girl who stole my heart all those years ago.
She didn't just steal the damned thing. She found it, she was the one to discover that I even had a heart to begin with, and she dug it out. Struggle after struggle, she never gave up. She found my heart and she kept it safe. She hid it from the fucked up world. Most importantly, she hid it from me, until I was ready to care for it myself. She tried to give it back two years ago, but my heart refused to leave her side. It will never, ever leave her side.
"You two are the most stubborn people I've ever met." Vance says while ordering a water for Kimberly and a glass of wine for himself. "Have you seen your brother?" He asks me. I look around the room for Smith and find him sitting a few tables down from Tessa, alone.
I point to the boy and Vance asks me to find out if he wants something to drink. He's old enough to get his own damn drink, but I would rather not sit and talk to Smug and Smugger, so I walk over to the empty table and take a seat next to my little brother.
"You were right," he says, looking over at me.
"About what this time?" I lean back against the decorated chair and wonder just how Liam can justify calling his wedding "small and simple" when they have some curtain like shit covering each and every chair in the damn place.
"About weddings being boring." Smith smiles. He's missing a few teeth, one happening to be one of his front teeth. He's sort of adorable for a brainiac kid who doesn't care for most people.
"I should have made you bet money." I laugh, settling my gaze on Tessa again.
"She looks pretty today," he says.
"I've been warning you off of her for years now kid, don't make me cause a funeral at a wedding." I gently hit his shoulder and he smiles a crooked and toothless smile.
I want to walk over to her table and push her doctor boyfriend out of his chair so I can sit next to her. I want to tell her how beautiful she looks and how proud I am of her that she has been excelling at NYU and is set to graduate in a few months. I want to watch her get past her nerves and I want to hear her laugh and watch her smile take over the entire room.
"Do me a favor," I lean into Smith.
"What kind of favor?" He asks.
"I need you to go up and start talking to Tessa."
"No way." He flushes, shaking his head rapidly.
"Come on. Just do it."
"Nope." He's a stubborn child.
"You know that customized train you wanted that your dad won't get for you?"
"Yeah?" His interest is piqued.
"I'll buy it for you."
"You're bribing me to talk to her?"
"Damn right I am."
"When will you buy it?"
"If you get her to dance with you I'll buy it next week."
"No, for dancing it has to be tomorrow." He negotiates.
"Fine." Damn, he's too good at this.
He looks toward Tessa's table, then back to me. "deal," he agrees while standing up. Well, that was easy.
I watch as he walks over to her. She smiles a smile at him that even from two tables away, knocks the breath straight from my lungs. I give him about thirty seconds before I stand and make my way to the table. I ignore the doctor sitting next to her and find joy in the way her face lights up as I stand next to Smith.
"There you are," I rest my hands on the boy's shoulders.
"Will you dance with me, Tessa?" My little brother asks.
She's surprised, her cheeks glow in embarrassment under the lighting, but I know her and I know she won't turn him down.
"Of course," she smiles at him and stands from her chair. Her boyfriend stands and helps her to her feet. Polite bastard.
I watch as Tessa follows Smith out to the dance floor and I'm thankful for Liam and his new wife's love for slow and sappy songs. Smith looks miserable and Tessa looks nervous as they begin to dance.
"How've you been?" Doctor asks me as we both watch the same woman.
"Fine, and you?" I should be nice to the guy, he is dating the woman that I will spend my life loving.
"Good, I'm in my second year of Medical School now."
"So you've only got, what? Ten to go?" I smile to soften my annoyed tone and he laughs, agreeing that medical school is too damn long.
I dismiss myself and stride over to Tessa and Smith. She sees me first and freezes when her eyes meet mine.
"May I cut in?" I ask, tugging at the back of Smith's dress shirt before either of them can refuse. My hands immediately move to her waist, resting on her hips. I take her lead and freeze, feeling overwhelmed by my fingers touching her.
It's been so long. Too long, since that spontaneous night in New York just over a year ago.
I need to stop thinking about the events of that night, or anything else from our past, and focus on her now, in front of me.
"I thought I would save you from dancing with him, he's a little short. Terrible dance partner," I finally say when I can pull my head out of my ass.
"He told me you bribed him," she smiles at me, shaking her head.
"That little fucker," I glare at the traitor as he sits back down at a table, alone again.
"You two have gotten pretty close, I hear." There is admiration behind her words and I can't stop the blush rushing to my cheeks if I tried.
"Yeah, guess so." I shrug. Her fingers tighten on my shoulders and I sigh. Literally fucking sigh, and I know she can hear it.
"You look very well." She says, staring at my mouth.
"Well? I don't know if that's a good thing," I bring her closer to me and she lets me.
"Very good, handsome. Very hot," the last words tumble from her full lips by accident. I can tell by the way her eyes go wide and she bites down on her lower lip.
"You're the sexiest woman in the room, always have been."
She tilts her head down, trying to hide in the mass of long blonde curls. "Don't hide, not from me." I quietly say.
Nostalgia fills me at the familiar words and I can tell by her expression that she's feeling the same.
"When's the release date for your next book?" She quickly changes the subject.
"Next month it will release. Did you read it? I had an early copy sent to you."
"Yes, I read it." She says and I take the opportunity to pull her to my chest. "I've read them all."
"What do you think?" The songs ends and another begins. As the female voice fills the room we look into eachother's eyes.
"This song," Tessa softly laughs. "Of course they would play this song."
"I didn't want to go to that wedding," I recall. "I only went to make you happy, but now I thank you for pushing me to go. I really do." I brush a loose curl away from her eyes and she swallows, blinking slowly.
"I'm so happy for you, Harry. You're an incredible author, an activist for self-recovery and alcohol addiction. I saw that interview you did with the Times about dealing with abuse as a child," her eyes well up and I'm positive that if her tears spill, I may lose all composure.
"It's nothing really." I shrug, loving her pride for me, but feeling guilty for what it caused her. "I never expected any of this, you have to know that. I didn't mean for you to be embarrassed publicly by me printing that book."
"Don't worry about it," she smiles up at me. "It wasn't so bad and you know, you've helped a lot of people and a lot of people love your books. Me included." Tessa flushes and I do the same.
"If you loved them so much, why didn't you call after that night?" I should wait until we aren't in a public setting to bring up that night but I can't seem to keep my mouth shut.
"I tried a few times, but it became so hard to get in touch with you without making an appointment," she frowns. "That night was terrible and I really don't want to talk about it. Everything worked out though, now we are at their wedding," she laughs with little humor.
"This should be our wedding," I blurt. Her feet stop moving and some of the glow disappears from her beautiful skin.
"Harry," she glares at me.
"Theresa," I tease. I'm not joking and she knows it. "I thought that last page was going to change your mind. I really did," I admit.
"It did change my mind. It made me want to marry you and run off into the sunset with you, but the odds were always against us. You know that."
"Who gives a fuck about odds now? You're here in Washington for this wedding and I'm here until next weekend before I fly back to Chicago..."
"It's been years, literally years."
"We were together last year, in New York." I remind her.
"For one night,"
"A really good night." I tease. I'm serious under the surface though. Finding her gone the next morning was one of the worst nights of my life. I thought she was going to give me another chance, but she changed her mind, again.
I couldn't blame her.
"Can I have everyone's attention please?" The wedding planner says through the microphone. That woman is annoying as hell. She stands on the stage in the center of the room but I can barely see her, over the table in front of her, she's just that short.
"I have to get ready for my speech." I groan, swiping my hand through my hair.
"You're making a speech?" Tessa asks, following me to the designated table for the wedding party. She must have forgotten about the doctor, and I can't say that I mind that one bit. I love it, really.
"Yeah, I'm the best man, remember?"
"I know," she gently shoves my shoulder and I reach for her wrist. I planned to pull it to my mouth to press a kiss against the bare skin there, but I'm thrown off by a small black circle printed there.
"What the fuck is this?" I bring her wrist closer to my face.
"I lost a bet on my twenty-first birthday," she laughs.
"You actually got a smiley face tattoo? What the hell," I can't help the laughter falling from my mouth. The tiny smiling face is so ridiculous, and so poorly done that it's funny. I do wish though, that I could have been there with her for her birthday.
"Sure did." She nods proudly, running her index finger over the ink.
"Do you have anymore?" I ask her, honestly hoping that she doesn't.
"No way. Just this one."
"Harry!" The short woman calls for me and I carry out my intention of kissing Tessa's wrist. She jerks her hand away, not out of disgust, but out of shock, I hope, as I walk toward the stage.
Liam and his wife are sitting at the head of the table and his arm is wrapped around her back, her hands resting over one of his. Ahh, newlyweds, I can't wait to see them ready to rip one another's heads off this time next year.
I take the microphone from the planner and clear my throat. "Hey," I start. My voice sounds weird as fuck as I can tell by Liam's face that he's going to enjoy this. I continue, "I don't like talking in front of a lot of people usually, hell, I don't even like being around people usually, so I'm going to make this quick." I promise the room full of wedding guests. "Most of you are probably drunk or bored to death anyway, so feel free to ignore this."
"Get to the point," Liam's bride laughs, holding up a glass of champagne. Liam nods in agreement and I flip them both off in front of everyone. Tessa laughs and covers her mouth from the front row. "See, I wrote this down because I didn't want to forget what to say," I pull a crinkled napkin from my pocket and unfold it.
"When I first met Liam, I instantly hated him." I continue my speech. Everyone laughs as if I'm joking, but I'm not. I really did hate him, but only because I hated myself.
"He had everything that I wanted in life, a family, a girlfriend, a plan for his future," when I look at Liam, he is smiling and his cheeks are slightly red. I'll blame that on the champagne. "Anyway, throughout the years that I've known him, we've become friends, family even, and he has taught me a lot about being a man, especially in the last two years with the struggles these two have had to deal with," I smile at LIam and his bride, not wanting to get too into the depressing shit.
"I'm going to end this shit now, basically what I want to say is, I thank you Liam for being an honest man and for giving me hell when I needed you to. I actually look up to you in a fucked up way and I want you to know that you deserve to be happy and be married to the love of your life, no matter how soon it is." The crowd laughs again.
"You won't know how lucky you are to be able to spend your life with the other half of your soul, until you have to spend your life without them." I bring the microphone down and lay it in the wedding planner's palm. I catch a glimpse of silver rushing through the crowd and I hurry down from the stage to follow after her.
When I finally catch up to Tessa, she's pushing the women's bathroom door open. She disappears inside and I don't bother to look around before following her inside. When I reach her, she's leaning against the sink, her palms resting on both sides of the marble.
She looks up into the mirror, eyes red and cheeks stained with tears and turns to face me when she realizes that I've followed her.
"What the hell was that?" She shouts, hands flying into the air.
"Excuse me?" I raise my voice back to her.
"You can't just-" she begins. "You-" she's pissed, clearly.
"Talk to me, what's the problem? It was just a speech." I tell her, trying to calm her down. She paces across the tile floor, heels clicking against the hard surface.
"You can't just talk about us like that. About our souls," she ends her sentence with a whimper.
"Why not?"
"Because.." she can't seem to find an explanation.
"Because you know I'm right?" I egg her on.
"Because you can't say those things publicly like that. You keep doing it in your interviews too." She rests her hands on her hips.
"Trying to get your attention," I step toward her.
"A phone call wouldn't do that?" She yells. An elderly woman, rushes from a stall and leaves the washroom without so much as washing her hands.
"I've called you, many times. You've called me many times. Why do we keep going back and forth? Why can't we both just stop being stubborn assholes and be together?" I ask her.
Her nostrils flare and for a moment, I think she may actually stomp her foot. "We won't work, we never do."
"Yet here we are, together in a bathroom during our best friend's wedding," I call her out.
"I didn't come in here to come onto you, you followed me in here," her voice softens and she can't deny the way she's looking at me right now.
"So you want me to come on to you?" I try and lighten the mood.
"No, of course not." She lies, wrapping her arms around her chest.
"Then why is your heart racing the way it is? Why can't you stop looking at me like you want me to fuck you on that counter?" I reach for the collar of my dress shirt and unfasten the top two buttons.
"I-" she falls silent. "This is only sexual, my heart racing has nothing to do with any feelings or anything." She lies.
"Sure, sure." I reach my arms out to her. "Come here," I beg.
She obliges, walking into my outspread arms and I hug her. Having her in my arms this way is more satisfying than any sex we could have. Just having her here, still drawn to me in the way that only the two of us understand, makes me the happiest son of a bitch around.
"I've missed you so much." I say into her hair. Her hands move to my shoulders, tugging the heavy jacket off of me and the expensive cloth falls to the floor.
"You're sure?" I ask her, holding her beautiful face between my hands.
"I'm always sure with you," she admits. I can feel the vulnerability and sweet relief as she presses her mouth to mine, lips trembling, breathing slow and deep.
Too soon, I pull away and she drops her hands from my belt. "I'm just blocking the door." I assure her. I'm thankful for the chairs placed in women's gathering places, and I pull two of them over to the door to keep anyone from coming inside.
"We're really doing this?" Tessa asks me as I lean down to lift her floor length dress from the floor, up to her waist.
"Are you surprised?" I laugh into another kiss. Her mouth tastes like home to me and I've been away from home, living in Chicago alone, for so long.
"No," her fingers hurry to unzip my pants and I gasp when she grasps my cock over my boxers.
It's been a long time, too damn long.
"When's the last time you.." she begins to ask.
"We don't want to talk about that," I urge her. "I don't want to know about you and him."
"We haven't," she says. I pull back, looking into her eyes to find only truth behind her claim.
"Really?" I ask, even though I can read her face like an open book.
"Yes, no one else. Only you," she tugs my boxers down and I lift her onto the counter, spreading her thick thighs with both hands.
"Fuck," I bite down on my tongue when I discover she's not wearing any panties.
"There was a line with my dress," she looks down, flustered.
"You're going to be the death of me, woman." I'm hard as a fucking rock when she strokes me, both of her small hands moving up and down the length of me.
"We have to hurry," she whines, desperate and soaking when I slide my finger over her clit. She groans, her head falls back onto the mirror and her legs open further.
"Condom?" I ask her, barely able to think straight.
"I can't.. you know. It's impossible," she says, her eyes filling with sadness.
Instead of responding, I push a finger inside of her, and caress her tongue with mine. Each kiss holds a confession, "I love you," I try to show her, "I need you," I suck at her bottom lip, "I can't lose you again," I push my cock inside of her and moan with her as I fill her.
"So fucking tight," I whimper. I am going to embarrass myself by coming within seconds, but this isn't about sexual satisfaction for me, this is about showing her and myself, that we are truly inevitable. We are a force that can't be reckoned with, no matter how hard we, or anyone else, tries to fight it.
We belong together and it's truly undeniable.
"Oh god," she claws at my back, as I pull out of her warmth and enter her again, this time completely. She stretches around me, her body adjusting to fit me the way it always has.
"Harry," Tessa moans into my neck. I can feel her teeth pressing against my skin as my release climbs up my spine. I move one hand to her back, pulling her closer to me, lifting her slightly to reach a deeper angle inside of her, and use my other hand to grope her full tits. She spills out of her dress and I suck at the flesh there, tugging at her hard nipples with my lips, groaning and moaning her name as I come inside of her.
My name comes in quick pants as I rub at her clit while driving into her. The sound of her thighs smacking against me and the counter is hot enough to have me getting hard again. It's just been so fucking long and she's the most perfect fit for me. Her body claims mine, completely fucking owning me.
"I love you," she says to me as she comes, her voice strained as she loses herself with me, allowing me to find her. Tessa's orgasm seems endless and I can't help but fucking love it. Her body goes limp, leaning into me and she rests her head on my chest as she catches her breath.
"I heard that, you know?" I press a kiss to her sweat beaded forehead and she smiles a delirious smile.
"We're a mess," she whispers, lifting her head up so that her eyes can meet mine.
"An undeniable, beautifully chaotic, mess." I correct her.
"Don't go all writer on me," she teases, out of breath.
"Don't pull away from me. I know you've been seeing that waiter,"
"You were calling him a doctor thirty minutes ago." She wraps her arms around my waist and I push her hair back off of her forehead.
"Well, he's both. But right now, you're mine, not his."
"I've never been his. We are friends. That's all."
I don't argue because I don't have a reason to. I'm happy, I'm fucking ecstatic that she is here with me, after all this time, in my arms, smiling and teasing and laughing, and I'm not going to ruin this. I've learned the hard way that life doesn't have to be a battle. Sometimes you're given a shitty hand from the get go, and sometimes you fuck up along the way, but there is always hope.
There's always another day, there's always a way to make up for the shit you've done and the people you've hurt and there is always someone who loves you, even when you feel like you're completely alone and you're just out there floating along, waiting for the next disappointment, there is always something better to come.
It's hard to see, but it's there. Tessa was there, underneath the bullshit and self loathing. Tessa was there beneath my addiction, Tessa was there beneath my self pity and my shitty choices. She was there as I climbed my way through it, she held my hand the entire fucking way, even after she left me, she was still there, helping me through it.
I never lost hope because Tessa is my hope.
She always has been and always will be.
"Will you stay with me tonight? We can leave here now. Just stay with me." I beg her.
She leans up again, pushing her breasts back into her dress as she looks up at me. Her eye makeup is smeared and her cheeks are red. "Can I say something?" she asks.
"Since when do you ask?" I touch the tip of her nose with my index finger.
"True," she smiles. "I hate that you didn't try harder."
"I did but-" I begin to explain. She holds up a finger to silence me.
"I hate that you didn't try harder, but it's unfair of me to even say that because we both know that I pulled away from you. I kept pushing and pushing, expecting too much from you, and I was so angry over the book and all of the attention that I didn't want, and I let that rule my mind. I felt as if I couldn't forgive you because of other people's opinions, but now I'm angry with myself that I would even listen to that. I don't care what people say about us, or me. I only care what the people I love think of me, and they love and support me. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for listening to voices that didn't belong in my head."
I stand, in front of the sink, with Tessa still sitting in front of me, and I'm silent. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting such a turn around or an apology. I came to this wedding hoping for so much as a smile from her.
"I don't know what to say,"
"That you forgive me?" She nervously whispers.
"I forgive you, of course." I laugh at her. Is she insane? Of course I forgive her. "Do you forgive me? For everything? Or close to everything?"
"Yes." She nods, reaching for my hand.
"Now I really don't know what to say," I run my hand over my hair.
"Maybe that you still want to marry me?" Her eyes are wide and mine feel as if they are going to pop straight from the sockets.
"What?"
"You heard me," she flushes.
"Marry you? You hated me like ten minutes ago?" She's truly going to be the death of me.
"Actually, we were having sex on this counter ten minutes ago." She points out.
"You actually mean that? You want to marry me?" I can't believe that she's saying this. There's no way in hell she's saying this.
"Have you been drinking?" I ask her, trying to recall if I could taste any liquor on her tongue.
"No, I had one glass of champagne over an hour ago. I'm not drunk, I'm just tired of fighting this. We're inevitable, remember?" She mocks me, using a terrible English accent.
I kiss her mouth, silencing her.
"We are the least romantic couple that's ever been, you know that right?" I ask her, my tongue swiping over her soft lips.
"Romance is overrated, realism is in," she quotes a line from my latest novel.
I love her. Fuck, I love this woman so fucking much.
"Marry me? Really, you will?"
"Not today or anything, but I will think about it." She climbs down from the counter, adjusting her dress.
"You'll change your mind, I know you will." I adjust my clothing, trying to understand everything that's happening in this bathroom. Tessa is somewhat agreeing to marry me. Holy fucking shit.
"I may, but I may not." She shrugs, smiling at me.
"Vegas, let's go to Vegas right now." I dig into my pocket and pull my keys from my pocket.
"No way, I'm not getting married in Vegas. You're crazy."
"We're both crazy, who gives a shit?"
"No way, Harry."
"Why not?" I plead, taking her face between my palms.
"Vegas is a fifteen hour drive," she says.
"Something closer then, so you won't change your mind?" I try to wager.
She glances at me, then at her own reflection in the mirror. "I need to think about this. I only decided two minutes ago." I can see the details rummaging through her mind, she's over thinking. Granted, this is a marriage so it's understandable.
"Don't you think a fifteen hour drive is long enough to think about it?" I joke, pulling the chairs away from the door.
"Yeah, I guess so." She shocks me by saying.
..
THE END.
(sometime this weekend I'm going to post a final author's note (and a peek at what is coming next), it's going to be long so I didnt want to make you wait any longer for this FINAL chapter!! love you all!!)