Songs for this chapter are:
Over my head - The Fray
Through the dark- One Direction
Blood Bank- Bon Iver
"Do I look okay?" I turn around in the full length mirror, tugging at my knee-length dress. The maroon silk has a nostalgic feel to it underneath my fingers. The moment I tried the dress on, I fell in love with the way the material and color reminded me of my past, of a time when I was someone else.
This dress is different than it's earlier version. That dress was loose fitting and high collared, with three-quarter length sleeves. This dress is form fitting and has a slightly lower collar with a cut-out pattern across the neckline and there are no sleeves. I will always love that old dress, but I'm happy with the way this dress fits me now.
"Of course you do, Theresa," my mother leans against the doorway with a smile.
I've tried to calm my nerves in preparation for today but I've managed to drink four cups of coffee, eat half a bag of popcorn, and pace around my mother's house like a madwoman. Every single second of every day in the last two months has been leading up to this day. Harry's graduation.
I'm slightly paranoid that my company will be unwelcomed, an offer made to be polite, but silently taken back in the time we've been separated. The minutes and hours have ticked by somehow, in the same way it always has and always will, but this time I'm not trying to forget him. This time, I'm remembering and healing and thinking back on my time with Harry with a smile.
That night in April, the night that Liam handed me a reality check on a silver platter, I drove straight to my mother's house. I called Kimberly and cried into the phone until she told me to suck it up, stop crying, and do something about the direction my life was headed in.
I hadn't realized just how dark my life had become until I started to see light again. I spent the first week in complete solitary, barely leaving my childhood bedroom and I had to force myself to eat. Every single thought I had revolved around Harry and how much I missed him, needed him, loved him.
The next week was less painful, as it was in the past during our breakups, but this time was different. This time, I had to remind myself that Harry was in a better place with his family and I wasn't leaving him to fend for himself.
He had his family there to help him if he needed anything. The daily calls from Karen were the only thing that kept me from driving back to Pullman to check on him one hundred times. I needed to get my life together, but I also needed to be sure I wasn't doing more damage to Harry's life, or anyone else around me.
I had become that girl, that burden on everyone around her and I didn't realize it because Harry was all I could see. His opinion of me was the only thing that seemed to matter and I spent my days and nights trying to fix him, fix us, while breaking everything else, including myself.
Harry was persistent the first three weeks, but just like Karen's daily calls, they lessened and lessened until I was only getting two calls a week between the two of them. Karen assures me that Harry is happy, so I can't find it in myself to be upset that he doesn't keep in touch as much as I wanted and hoped that he would.
I keep in touch with Liam the most. He felt terrible the morning after my reality check. He came to Harry's room to apologize to me, only to find Harry alone and pissed off. Liam immediately called me, begging me to come back and let him explain, but I assured him that he was right and I needed to stay away for a while. As much as I wanted to go to New York with him, I needed to go back to where the destruction of my life began, and start over, alone.