Songs for this chapter are:
All too well- Taylor Swift
All I want- Kodaline
Fall Away- The Fray
Blood Bank- Bon iver
Something Great- One Direction
Life is full of them, mine seems to be chocked fucking full of them, overflowing and spilling out of the top in a never ending surge. Wave after wave of complications collide with the most important moments and things in my life and this moment is one that I can't allow to be drown.
If I stay calm, if I stay fucking calm and try to explain myself, I can hold back the tidal wave that is bound to crash through this small living room at any moment.
I can see it brewing behind the gray of her eyes. I can see the confusion swirling'' with anger, creating a heavy storm, and just like the sea before the lighting crashes and the thunder rolls. The water is calm, resting, just barely rippling on the surface, Tessa is the same in this moment.
She's standing, a sheet of white paper clenched between trembling hands and her expression is ominous, warning me of the danger ahead.
Honestly, I have no fucking idea what to say to her, where to start. It's such a complicated story and I am pure shit at problem solving. I have to get a grip, I have to make more of an effort to mold and shape my words, to form an explanation that will keep her from running, again.
"What is this?" Her eyes move across a page before she tosses it into the air with one hand and crumples the corners of the small stack left in her grasp.
"Tessa," I take a cautious step toward her.
"Do not take another step toward me." Her face is hard, guarded in a way that I'm not used to, as her feet shuffle backward.
"I need you to listen to me." I beg, searching her clouded features. I feel like shit, complete and utter shit. We had just gotten back to us and I had finally gotten back to her, and now this.
"Oh, I'm listening alright." Her voice is loud, her tone sarcastic.
"I don't know where to start, just give me a minute and I'll explain."
My fingers run over my hair, tugging at the roots, wishing I could trade her pain for mine and rip my hair straight from the scalp. Yeah, a fucked up image.
Tessa stands, impatiently patient, her eyes moving from page to page. Her brows lift and drop, her eyes tighten and widen, as I begin.
"Stop reading it," I take a step and grab the manuscript from her hands. The pages fall to the floor, joining the other bullshit pooling at her feet.
"Explain it. Now." She urges, her eyes cold, a thunderous gray that honestly terrifies me.
"Okay, okay," I shift on my heels. "Okay, I have been writing." I confess.
"How long?" She steps toward me. I'm surprised by the way my body retracts as if it's afraid of her.
"A long time," I avoid the truth.
"You'll tell me, and you'll tell me now."
"Don't Tess me. I'm not the same little girl you met a year ago. You're going to tell me now or you'll get the hell out of here." She purposely steps on a page and I can't find it in me to blame her. "Well, I can't kick you out because it's Liam's place, but I will leave if you don't explain this. Now." She adds, showing that, despite her anger, she's still sweet.