Songs for this chapter are:
Slow it down- The Lumineers
Gravity- Sara Bareilles
To say that I've been avoiding Harry would be an understatement. As the days have passed, only two of them somehow, I have avoided him at all costs. I know he's here in this house but I can't bring myself to see him. He's knocked on my door a few times but was given a weak excuse behind my not opening the door.
I just wasn't ready.
I've put it off too long now and Karen is going to get restless, I know it. She is bursting at the seams with happiness and I know she doesn't want to keep the addition to their family a secret for long. She shouldn't have to, she should be happy and proud and excited. I can't ruin that for her by being a coward.
That is exactly why I can't avoid this moment any longer. I know he's here in the house, I just heard his boots rapping against the hardwood floors of the hallway. I just heard his door shut and moments later I am hearing it open again. I hear those heavy boots, this time outside of my door. I wait silently, pathetically hoping for a knock but wishing for him to go away at once. I'm still waiting for the day when my mind clears, when my thoughts go back to making sense.
The more time that passes, the more I begin to question how clear my thoughts have ever been. Have I always been this confused, this unsure of myself and my decisions? I'm not sure but I wish I had the answer.
I wait, eyes closed and lip throbbing between my teeth, for him to leave before knocking. I'm disappointed yet relieved when I hear his door slam across the hall. Gathering all my strength and my phone in my hand, I check my reflection in the mirror one last time and cross the hall. When I lift my hand to knock, the door opens and Harry is shirtless, looking down at me.
"What's wrong?" He immediately questions.
"Nothing, I-" I ignore the twist in my stomach as his brows pull together in a worried gesture. His hands are touching me again, thumbs gently pressing into my cheeks and I just stand in the doorway, blinking up at him, not a coherent thought within reach.
"I need to talk to you about something." I finally say. The words come out hushed and he's looking down at me with confusion clear in his green eyes.
"I don't like the sound of that," he somberly remarks as his hands drop from my face.
He sits on the edge of the bed and beckons for me to join him. I don't trust the short distance between us and even the thick air in the stuffy room seems to be taunting me.
"So? What is it?" Harry's brow raises and he spreads his hands out behind him and he leans back onto them. His athletic shorts are tight, the waistband of them hangs so low that I can tell he is not wearing boxers underneath them.
"I'm sorry that I've been so distant from you. I just need some time to figure everything out," I tell him. That wasn't what I had planned to talk to him about but my mouth apparently has different plans than my head.
"It's okay. I'm trying my best to give you space but I'm glad you came to this room because we both know that I'm shit at giving you space and it's been driving me fucking crazy." He seems relieved now that the words are between us. His eyes rest on mine and I can't look away from the intensity behind them.
"I know." I can't deny the control he has seemed to gain over his own actions during the past week. I like that he's become a little less unpredictable, but that shield that I've built against him is still present, still lurking in the background, waiting for him to turn on me, the way he always does.