The morning light sweeps over the room as the sun rises in the distance. My eyes move from the uncovered balcony doors to my stomach where Harry's arm is draped over my body. His full lips are parted, soft purrs sound from between them. I don't know whether I should shove him off of the bed or brush his brown hair back from his forehead and press my lips against the reddened skin.
I'm angry, so damn angry at Harry for everything that happened last night. He had the audacity to return to the cabin at one in the morning and just like I expected his breath was laced with liquor. Yet another string in this tangled web. Then there is a girl, a girl like me he claims, that he spent hours upon hours with. He said they were talking, it's not that I don't believe that they were only talking, it's the fact that Harry refuses to discuss Seattle or anything remotely related to Seattle with me but he seems to be able to talk to her.
I don't know what to think and I'm sick of thinking all the damn time. There is always some problem to fix, some argument to have, and I'm tired. Tired of all of it. I love Harry more than I can comprehend but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can't worry about him coming home drunk every time we have a problem. I wanted to scream at him, throw a pillow at his face, and tell him how big of a jerk he is, but I'm finally beginning to realize that you can only fight with someone over the same thing so many times before you are burnt out.
I don't know what to do about him not coming to Seattle but I do know that lying here in this bed isn't of any help to me. I lift Harry's arm from around my waist and wriggle out from under his weight then gently lay his arm across the pillow next to him. He groans in his slumber but thankfully he only stirs and doesn't wake.
I grab my phone from the bedside table and quietly pad to the balcony doors, they open with minimal noise and I let out a relieved sigh before closing them behind me. The air is much cooler than yesterday, granted it's only seven in the morning.
With my cell phone in hand I begin to ponder my living situation in Seattle, which at this point is non-existent. My transfer to Seattle is becoming more of a hassle than I ever anticipated and honestly at times, like right now for example, it seems more of a hassle than it's worth. I scold myself for entertaining the thought. That's exactly what Harry is trying to do, he's trying to make it as difficult for me to move as he possibly can, hoping that I will give up and stay with him.
Well that's just not going to happen.
I open the browser on my phone and wait impatiently for Google to open. I stare at the small screen waiting for the annoying circle to stop going round and round. Frustrated at the slow response of my ancient phone, I tread back into the bedroom and grab Harry's phone off of the chair and go back to the balcony without waking him.
I know he's going to be angry with me if he wakes up and finds me on his phone but he has no reason to be. I'm not going through his calls or text messages; I'm only using his internet.
"Yeah, she's okay," his words play through my mind as I try to search for apartments in Seattle.
I shake my head, disposing of the memory and admire the luxury apartment on the screen that I wish I could afford. I scroll to the next, a smaller one bedroom apartment in a duplex. I don't feel comfortable in a duplex, I like the idea of someone having to go through the lobby to come to my door, especially since it appears that I'll be alone in Seattle. I swipe my finger across the screen a few more times before finally finding a one bedroom in a mid-size high-rise. It's over my budget but not by much. If I have to go without groceries until I get settled in I will.
I save the phone number into my phone and continue to browse through the listings. Impossible thoughts of searching for an apartment with Harry haunt me. The two of us would be sitting on the bed, me cross-legged, Harry with his long legs stretched out in front of him and his back against the headboard. I would show him apartment after apartment and he would roll his eyes and complain about the process but I would catch him smiling with his eyes focused on my lips. He would tell me how cute I am when I'm flustered before taking the laptop from me and assuring he will find the place for us.