It's a long one! I've been writing this for a while (even before the last chapter) trying to get the letter perfect, so I hope you enjoy!
I step through the glass doors, and into the bright entrance to the hospital, alone. I left Sophie with the guys for the day, which she was more than happy with, and to be honest she deserved it having heard what she did. After a couple of days ago, and Terry's attack, I was unable to go back to the apartment. Now it didn't just have the fear of being watched by Tanner, it held the memories of what Terry did. Even though he was arrested, I dropped the charges afraid of what it could cause. It's more trouble than it's worth. I am staying in a hotel currently, although the guys insisted that I stayed with them. I denied their offers, not quite at the point where staying with them seems like a good option. It could cause more complications than good. Instead, after a lot of persuasion from their part, I allowed them to pay for a hotel room for me and Sophie.
I walk up to reception and give a smile to the woman behind the counter.
"Hello, how may I help you?" she asks, her fingers at the ready on her keyboard.
"I'm looking for Amanda Raye," I say. After a few taps of her fingers, she looks back up and gives me directions with a warm smile. I follow the receptionists directions, and find myself at another desk. I repeat the earlier discussion, this time with a scowling man.
"You can go through," he grunts at me, as I look around at where I am. Behind the desk are windows showing a corridor, and at the end is a social room with a TV that is on. People are walking out of the rooms on the corridor and some are accompanied by family or friends. The man's voice has me focusing back on him, and his expectant expression. "Room 12." I thank him, and move to the door pulling it open. I walk down the corridor, stopping outside door 12. I look through the window of the door and see my mum sitting in the bed, a scowl on her face to rival the man at the door's as she stares at the wall. I rap my knuckles against the door before pushing it open. I meet my mum's annoyed expression, which lessens only slightly when she sees me.
"I thought you were that stupid doctor," she tells me as she goes back to staring at the wall.
"That doctor is helping you," I say as I enter the room, ignoring the fact that she didn't seem pleased to see me. She lets out an un-amused laugh.
"I don't need helping, Bambi." I bite my tongue to stop me from getting angry at her, remembering how we left things when I last saw her. I also feel angry at her for allowing Terry into our home. Even though she was not directly responsible for what he did, the feeling is still there. I know that she knows about what happened, because the cops said that they had passed a message to her explaining what happened.
"Yes, you do mum. They wouldn't keep you here unless they thought so too." She harrumphs and crosses her arms.
"How have you been?" I ask her, sitting down on the chair beside her bed placing my bag by my feet.
"God, you sound like her. We're not going to be able to help you, unless you start opening up," she finishes in a patronising tone. I press my lips together, wondering if I will get an answer or even if she will ask after me or Sophie. When I get no answer I decide to get to the point of my visit.
"Mum where did the ten thousand dollars come from?" I ask. Her head snaps to me, her eyes ablaze with anger.
"How- What money?" she asks.
"Don't lie to me, mum, I saw your other account. I was tidying up the other day and found the laptop."
"I don't know-"
"Mum!" I shout to stop her from denying it further. "Are you selling your body? Is that it?" I ask. It's the only way I can think of her earning that kind of money. It explains the constant stream of men in an out of her life.
"No!"
"Then what?" I snap.
"Your boyfriend came to visit me the other day," she says.
"What?" I ask shocked at the sudden change in topic. "I don-"
"Oh god Bambi, don't tell me that all the different men you've been sleeping with has addled your brain. You've done well with him. Tall. Brown hair. Green eyes. Quarterback at your school..." My mouth goes dry. Tanner.
"W-What did he say?"
"He told me his concerns about you cheating on him, even showed me a photo of you in your underwear with three guys." I balk at her. Clearly she could tell that it was from cameras which were put in our apartment, but she didn't seem fazed. He probably had an excuse ready for her.
"What did you say?" I ask, fearful of the answer.
"Well, I told him a bit more about you, and that I wouldn't be surprised, especially with your past." I sit as still as a statue as her words hit me. I can feel tears creeping up, but they never surface. I want to defend myself or tell her that she wasn't talking to my boyfriend, and that she might have made Tanner's pursuit of me worse, but the words never form.
The door opens and I look that way, to see a woman in walk in. She takes her glasses off, letting them hang around her neck on the chain, and gives my mum a levelling gaze.
"Amanda, how are we feeling today?"
"Like a prisoner," she grumbles. I press my lips together, my statue resolve crumpling, and I know I am going to burst into tears if I stay here one moment longer. I don't want my mum to see how she's affected me. I snatch my bag up, striding towards the door and to go pass the doctor.
"You must be her daughter..."
"I'm sorry, I have to go," I mumble, my throat closing up. "Bye mum," I force out as I push past the doctor.
"Are you up for talk-" the doctor starts before the door closes. I rush down the corridor, wiping away the tears that are starting to leak out. I thought she would have been on my side, and defended me, but to hear in her own words what she's thinking of me and not trying to hide it from me anymore, is like a slap in the face. I have always known, and when she first was admitted to hospital with her addiction problem it came to the surface to some extent, but it was more suggested.
I rush out of the lift, and bump into someone on the way out. My bag falls to the floor, and I mumble an apology as I bend down to pick it and the contents up.
"Bambi?"
"Oh, Gerard, hi," I say as I begin to stuff things back in my bag.
"What are you doing here? Were you visiting Levi?" he asks.
"Levi?"
"Yes, he was transferred here yesterday. I'm just going to see him now, do you want to come with-"
"Look, Gerard, I'm sorry but I'm not in the mood right now," I tell him, shoving my bag onto my shoulder. He studies my face.
"What's happened?" he asks.
"Nothing, I was just visiting my mum."
"Ah," he says. "I may not be a doctor in the traditional sense, but I know that your mom is going through a tough time right now, especially as she has been relying on alcohol for years. She is bound to be having withdrawals, and that can make people grouchy, and they will say things they don't necessarily mean." I let out a mirthless chuckle.
"My mum meant it." I spin and start toward the exit, only to be stopped by Gerard calling my name.
"What?" I ask, somewhat harshly.
"You forgot this," he states, unperturbed by my tone. I look at his hand and see he is holding up the letter that the guys left me in my bag. I put it in my bag, thinking if I got some time where my mum was not there or she was asleep I could read it. I hadn't had the chance yet. I had partly apologised for running out of them, especially after they saved me. I walk back to Gerard and take it from him.
"Thanks," I mutter trying to show him I wasn't angry with him.
"You're welcome." I force a smile for him and fiddle with the corner of the envelope, before turning and walking out of the hospital. I unlock the car feeling much calmer than I did when I left my mum. I fall into the seat, placing the bag on the seat beside me. I look down at the letter in my hands. Do I want to know what it holds inside? I don't know why I am getting myself so worked up about it, it's probably just a letter telling me that they're sorry. With that thought in mind, I flip it over and rip it open. I unfold it, and start to read.
Bambi,
We have been trying to write this letter for longer than we care to admit, and it has resulted in many crumpled balls of paper which Brody and Colton are now using as weapons in a war with me caught in the crossfire. But, jokes aside, the whole reason there is so much ammunition is because we don't know what to say. When Gerard told us about his niece coming to LA and attending our school, we didn't know what to expect. We certainly didn't expect for you, and Sophie, to become a big part of our lives only after just under a week. It feels like much longer, it must be everything that has happened. I don't know what you must have thought when you saw us staring at you on your first day. It must have seemed like we were stalkers, as Jesse is telling me as he reads over my shoulder and breathing right in my ear. Was that one of the reasons you ran out on us? Did you think we were too much like Tanner?
The last sentence was crossed out, but I was able to make it out. The guys could never be like Tanner, and I don't want them to think that is the reason. I feel guilty about not giving them an explanation after I ran out on them. I sigh, promising myself to give that explanation when I can find the right time. I don't want to do it with Sophie around. With that promise to myself, I continue to read, finding that the handwriting has changed.
Ryder was doing an awful job of this, so I am taking over. So, continuing on from where Ryder left off: The reason we were staring was because we were amazed at how beautiful you were, but also curious about the troubles that we saw you hiding. You reminded us, of us, when we first started out on the journey when we were six. We were hiding our secret, although very different to yours, for a long time. We never let anyone know, but you were different. We didn't want to scare you with our secret, and now we all wish that it was something we could all rewind and take back. If it causes this much anguish to you, it's something that we no longer want.
I let the paper fall onto my lap for a moment. The guys would be willing to give up all of the skills that they got as a result of the experiment, just for me. Why? They say in the letter that they all care for me, and I have to admit that I feel something similar, but I have never had someone offer to give up something so important for me. I don't know what to think or do. After I have gathered myself enough to read on, I do so.
If you decide that you never want to see us again, we would understand and respect your decision, but that doesn't mean it would be easy for us to let you go.
The others are all clamouring to write their own bit, and if I don't let them, I might be piled upon.
-Jesse.
I feel the tears that have been building up ever since I left my mum, trying to resurface. How can they be so nice? I never thought that I would get friends like this
There's nothing else that I can say, that Ryder and Jesse haven't already done so. Everything that they say, and more, is true. If you decide that you do want to come back to us, we will wait however long you need. I took a bullet for you once, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Even with it meaning I have to eat the crappy hospital food.
A tear falls onto the piece of paper, smudging a word in a different handwriting on the next line. I wipe my face not wanting to miss any of the words. I blow air out through my mouth. I'm not used to this kind of thing. For three years, I was alone with Sophie, so I slowly forgot what it's like to have good friends who actually care.
We're bound to all say the same thing, or thereabouts, so hang in there with us... but it just goes to show that we all feel the same way about you. We don't want to lose you as a friend, or even m
The sentence cuts off mid-sentence and word. Confused, I turn the page over and see that the writing has changed again.
Brody had to talk to Gerard. Bella regazza,
Before the sentence can continue, there is a squiggle which looks like there was a fight over the pen, before it continues in Storm's writing.
I may fight physically as a source of some income, however when it comes down to the eight of us, we would never get physical with each other. It may get heated at times, but we would never fall out for long. It's very rare that what happened today will happen, and when it does, it's because we are passionate about the topic. I only told Jesse to be quiet as I was more worried about waking Sophie than anything else, but I have to admit that there was also a mixture of jealousy and not wanting to scare you off. I want to be the one to get rid of your fears, not cause them.
I swallow, feeling stupid at how many tears have escaped – we are talking again, and I'm acting like it's just after the event. Composing myself, I read the next guy's part.
As the others have been writing, I have been thinking. I'm not going to say what everyone else has, although it's no less true with me, however I am going to tell you that I understand your reasoning for running out. I was watching you as you went, and I know that you probably regret it now when you are reading this. I understand that it was a mixture of the after effects of the ecstasy, past memories from what you have told us, and needing time to think, so I am going to say what has already been said before – we will be here when you're ready, and I specifically will be down the road if you need me.
There is a lump in my throat, but no more tears are able to escape as I have used them all up. They've been more like a family to me, and Sophie, in the week we have known them than my mum has been in the last couple of years. How can Ashton understand more about me, than my own mother?
Going back to my brother's point at the beginning of the letter, even though it wasn't so eloquently put, I agree with it somewhat. We don't want to seem like stalkers, so I thought that I would warn you in advance, so you don't think the worse, that we have decided we will be watching out for you whether you decide if you want to come back to us or not. I know that some of us have said that we would respect your opinion, and we will but that doesn't stop us from making sure that your life is smooth sailing from now on. You deserve it after everything that you have been through, both here in America and in England. Tanner won't get anywhere near you, we promise. Jesse is trying to turn the cameras off, so you won't have to worry about that. Please don't hesitate to come to us if you need anything. We will not take it as you asking to be friends again. I, and all of us, would do anything for you.
Even if I decided I no longer wanted to be friends with them, they would look out for me. They would want the best for me. I know that if I had read this when I got it I would have called them straight away to apologise, and even now, after we have started talking again, I want to call them to say sorry and that I don't deserve them, because I don't – I forced all my problems into their lives, and they just rolled with it. I move onto the last paragraph and the last guy.
I see that they have left the best 'til last. Although we all helped write Ryder and Jesse's pieces we all have wanted to put our own things in as we wanted to show that we all feel the same way and are all here for you. I hope that our letter hasn't freaked you out even more, and that you are even reading this, and haven't thrown it out at sight. We don't expect a response or for you to even acknowledge that you have read it, to us. You may even be reading this a couple of days later, but I hope that we have heard from you by then, even if it's just to tell us what you want, as the pool will be lonely all by myself.
I chuckle slightly, picking up the other piece of paper which was in the envelope. The writing is Brody's, but he doesn't mention his earlier unfinished sentence.
Ha! I've got a pen! Storm stole it off me, so I was unable to complete my part of the letter, but I have found another and am completing my part of the letter while the other's do their parts. I wanted to draw you something, to make you smile or take your mind off what has happened today, but I couldn't think of what to draw, so I settled on what has been in my mind since I first saw you.
Under the writing is a breathtaking drawing, which is more like a picture, of me. It looks like I am laughing at something. It's so beautiful, he's made me look so much prettier. I smile as more tears manage to fall. At least it's not sadness this time causing the tears. The guys have all been so sweet. I fold the paper carefully, wanting to save it, and put it back into the envelope. I place it in my bag next to my phone. I stare at it for a moment, before snatching it up. I open it and press the first contact of the guys.
"Hi Bambi, how are things going?"
"Great," I say truthfully with a smile, feeling the best since Terry forced his way into the apartment. "I just left my mum, and will be there soon. How are things there?"
"Good, Sophie seems to be a lot happier, but she still has some episodes of feeling down, but we're keeping her occupied."
"Thank you!" I say sincerely, trying to include everything that they have ever done for me.
"It's not a problem."
I end the conversation and start the car. I look in the rear-view mirror and let out a loud scream. I hit the brake, and spin around in my seat reaching for sizable piece of card in the back.
I'm watching you.
-Tanner.
I frantically look around, trying to find him. My gaze finally falls on him, standing across the parking lot. He doesn't go to move, or do anything. He just stares. Not wanting to give him the chance, I put the car in reverse and hightail it out of the parking lot. As I drive, I decide that I won't tell the guys about Tanner being there just yet. I don't want to cause them more trouble, or worry, especially after Terry. They might have said in the letter that they would wait for me, but that was before they had to save me from Terry. Would they get sick of me, and saving me all the time? I don't want that to happen. There's nothing that they can do right now.
Yes, I'll keep it to myself for now, until things have calmed down or Tanner shows his face around them.
That's it! That's the end! :( I will miss writing it, but it won't be for long as there is a sequel to come!
I will post the pictures of the characters once I have found them all (I am still looking). I of course will be looking for one for each of the guys, Bambi, and Sophie. I will also add some for Tanner, Sam, and Jinx if you want to see them. Let me know if there is also anyone else.
On the questions and answers front, thank you all for the questions, I have had fun answering them. I am still taking more (as I am aware that there may be new questions from the epilogue, or even from your thoughts turning over since the last update) so don't forget to let me know the questions you have, so that they are answered! I will post these in about a week, so keep an eye out.
The sequel will be out as soon as I can get it out (which will hopefully be within a month)! I am planning it, and brainstorming title ideas, so all I have to do is start writing it. Don't worry about missing it, as I will post a part in this book letting you know when it's up!
What did you think?
Did you have a favourite part in the book?
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CC ;)