As soon as the door closes and Zed is gone, for good, I close my eyes and lay my head back against the chair. I don't know what I'm feeling, all of my emotions are jumbled, swirling around me in a cloud of confusion. Part of me feels relived to end this back and forth between Zed and I, but another, smaller part feels a significant loss. He's the only one who has been there for me constantly out of Hardin's "friends" and it's strange to realize that I'll never see him again. The tears burn, unwelcomed, down my cheeks as I try to collect myself. I shouldn't be crying over this. I should be happy that I can finally close the book on Zed, tuck it away, leaving it only to collect dust, never to be opened again.
The door clicks and I snap my eyes open, wiping viciously at the tears. I'm horrified and embarrassed when my vision clears to see the familiar red and black plaid sweatshirt standing in the doorway.
"I'm.." I can't come up with an excuse fast enough.
"I," he can't seem to find the words either.
"I'm sorry," he mutters and walks back out of the room, leaving me even more upset.
It's not that I want to be with him, it's not that I love him, it's not that I would ever choose him over Hardin, it's just that I do care for him and I wish things would have played out differently. I wish I would have kept our relationship strictly platonic, maybe then I wouldn't have to completely cut him out of my life.
I don't know why he came back in here but I'm glad he left before he could say anything to confuse me or hurt him further.
My office phone rings and I clear my throat before answering, "Hello," I sound pathetic.
"Did he leave?" Hardin's voice carries through.
"Yeah,"
"Are you crying?"
"I'm just," I begin.
"You're crying aren't you?"
"I'm just a little upset,"
"Why?" He questions.
"Because he was my friend, I don't know why I'm upset. Don't be upset with me," the last thing I want to do is fight with Hardin.
"What am I supposed to think about you crying over him?"
"I don't know, I know I shouldn't have let him come in but I had to make it clear that him and I will never be more than friends," the tears are no longer falling but my voice is hideous.
"That's what happened? You told him you only want me?"
"Yes, that's what happened,"
"Then why are you so upset? Do you want to be with him?"
"No! That's why I told him I didn't. I just feel bad for hurting him, that's why I'm upset."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." I sigh.
"So it's done then? No more surprise visits from him, no more of this sneaking around shit?"
"Yes, it's done. I swear."
He takes a deep breath and lets out an exasperated sigh, "Okay then, I don't want to hear anything else about him and I mean it this time."
"Okay," I agree, surprised by his calm reaction. If Molly had visited Hardin I know that I would have overreacted.
"Okay then, I'll see you when you get home. I love you Tessa,"
"I love you," I hang up.
That went much better than I had expected, I don't know if I should be relieved or slightly worried. I decide to go with relieved and finish the last of my time at Vance as peacefully as possible.
Kimberly stops by my office around three, behind her is a girl who I'm sure I've never seen at the office before.
"This is Amy, my replacement." Kimberly introduces the quiet yet stunning girl.
"I'm Tessa, you'll love it here." I assure her with a friendly smile.
"Thank you! I already love it," she beams.
"Well, I just wanted to stop by your office while we were pretending to be taking a tour of the building," Kim laughs.
"Oh yes, you're teaching her to replace you alright." I tease.
"Hey, being engaged to marry the boss has it's perks," Kim praises.
Amy laughs beside her as they leave my office. My last day here finally ends and I find myself wishing it would have gone slower. I'm going to miss this office, and I'm slightly nervous to go home to Hardin.
I take one last look around my first office, my eyes focus on the desk first. My stomach tightens as memories of Hardin and I on the desk flood my senses. It seems so extreme, having sex in an office when anyone could walk in the room at any moment. There could have been cameras in the room and I wouldn't have known, the thought hadn't crossed my mind at all. I was too distracted by Hardin to think of anything else. That seems to be a pattern in my everyday life.
On the way home I stop by Conner's to get a few groceries, just enough to make dinner tonight since we are leaving in the morning. I'm excited but nervous for the trip, I hope Hardin can keep his temper in check for the two day trip with his family.
It doesn't seem likely, I just hope the boat is big enough for the five of us.
I unlock the front door and push it open with my foot, picking up the grocery bags from the floor as I step inside. The living room is a mess, empty water bottles and food wrappers litter the coffee table. My father and Hardin are sitting on the couch, Hardin on one end and my father on the other.
"How was your day Tessie?" My father asks.
"Good, it was my last day there." I tell him even though he already knows.
I begin to clear their trash from the table and floor.
"I'm happy you had a good day," my father says and I look at Hardin.
He doesn't look at me. His gaze is fixed on the television screen.
"I'm going to make dinner then get in the shower," I tell them and my father follows me into the kitchen.
"One of my friends said he can pick me up here later if that's okay, I know you are leaving tomorrow for a few days."
"Yeah, that's fine. We can drop you off in the morning if that would be better for you," I offer.
"No, you've already been so generous. Just promise me you'll let me know when you get back from your trip."
"Okay.. how will I?"
"Maybe just drive down Lamar? I'm usually out there." He rubs the back of his neck.
"Okay, I will."
"I'll go call him back now and let him know I'm ready," he disappears from the kitchen.
I hear Hardin pester him about having to memorize phone numbers because he doesn't own a phone and I roll my eyes when my father begins the "when I was a kid no one had cell phones," speech.
I decide to make an easy meal, baked chicken and rice. I wish Hardin would come into the kitchen and talk to me but I suppose it's better if he waits until my father leaves. I set up the table for dinner and call for the two of them. Hardin enters first, barely making eye contact with me, followed by my father.
"Chad will be here soon to get me, I appreciate you guys letting me stay." My father says over dinner.
"It's no problem, really." I tell him.
"I'm so glad we found each other again,"
"Me too," I smile, still not able to process that this man is my father. The man that I haven't seen in nine years, the man who I had so many ill feelings toward, is just sitting in my kitchen eating with my boyfriend and I.
I look over to Hardin, expecting a rude comment from him but he says nothing as he brings his fork to his mouth. His silence is driving me mad, I wish he would just say something, anything really. I clean up the kitchen after we finish eating and I give my father another goodbye before heading to the bathroom to take a shower, I was going to wait for his friend to arrive but it's already past eight and we need to pack our bags and get to bed at a decent hour in preparation for tomorrow.
Hardin's POV.
"Is he coming today or.." I was planning on getting in the shower with Tessa but Richard's friend is taking all damn night to pick his ass up.
"Yeah, he said he'd be here soon. He probably just got lost or something." He responds.
"Sure,"
"Won't you miss having me around?" he smiles.
"I wouldn't go that far," I'm tempted to smile but I don't.
"Well maybe I'll find myself a job and see you both in Seattle,"
"Neither of us will be in Seattle,"
"Sure," he repeats my words from moments ago.
A knock at the door ends our obnoxious conversation and he stands to walk across the room. He opens the door to reveal his friend and I stand up.
"Thanks for picking me up man," Tessa's dad says to the man.
I pause and take in his appearance. He's tall, with long black hair swept back in a disgusting, greasy, ponytail. His cheeks are sunken in, his clothes are ratty, and his fingernails are black lines on filthy, boney, hands. What the fuck.
"This is your daughter's place?" The man asks, his voice matches his appearance.
This man is no drunk.
"Yeah, nice huh? I'm proud of her," Richard smiles and the guy pats his shoulder, nodding in agreement.
"Who's this?" Chad asks.
"Oh, him?" They both look at me, "That's Hardin, Tessie's boyfriend."
"Cool, I'm Chad." He states.
"Okay," I say, watching his eyes as they move around our living room. I'm relieved that Tessa's in the shower and doesn't have to meet this creep.
When I hear the bathroom door open, I curse at myself. I spoke too fucking soon. Chad lifts his long sleeve shirt to itch at his arms, I feel like Tessa for a moment and get the sudden urge to mop the fucking floor.
"Hardin?" Her voice travels down the hall.
"You should go now," I tell them in the most threatening tone possible.
"I want to meet her," Chad says and I have to press my feet against the concrete, applying as much pressure as I can, to hold me in my place.
"No, you don't." I hiss.
"Okay.. okay.. we're going." Richard looks up at his friend.
"I'll see you later Hardin, thanks again. Stay out of jail." He smirks and leaves the apartment.
"Hardin?" Tessa calls again as she enters the living room.
"They just left."
"What's wrong?" She asks.
What's wrong?
Hmm.. lets see, you had fucking Trevor in your office, followed by god damn Zed, all within two hours. Not to mention your drunk of a dad just brought some creepy fucking dude into our apartment.
"Are you sure your dad's only into drinking?" I ask her.
"What?" The shoulder of her t-shirt, well my t-shirt, falls down to bare her shoulder. She pushes it back up and sits down on the couch.
"I mean how do you know he's not into other stuff?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, never mind." I don't want to plant the seed that her dad's not only a homeless drunk, but he's a drug addict too. He doesn't look as bad as the asshole who just came to pick him up, but I still have a weird feeling about this shit.
"Okay.." she quietly answers.
I know her well enough to know that her father being on drugs hasn't crossed her mind and she would never assume that's what I was hinting to.
"Are you mad at me?" Her voice is soft, too timid.
I know she's waiting for me to explode any moment. I have been purposely avoiding conversation with her for a reason.
"No,"
"Are you sure?"
"No, I'm not sure. I don't know. I'm pissed off yeah, but I don't want to fight with you over it. I'm trying to change you know? Keep my shit together and not flip out on you over every little thing." I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck.
"Even though this isn't a little thing, I've told you time and time again not to see him but you still do. How would you feel if I did that to you?" I add.
"I would feel terrible, I know I've been wrong for seeing him."
Well I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting her to yell at me and defend Zed, like always.
"Yes, you have. But if you say you told him it's done then it's done. I've done everything I can do to keep him away from you but he doesn't stop. Short of killing him, I don't know what else to do."
"It's done, I swear. I won't see him again."
I shudder at the thought of her on the phone earlier, she was crying over their goodbye.
"We aren't going to that party on Saturday." I tell her and her face falls.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't think it's a good idea." I know it isn't.
"I want to go," She presses her full lips into a line.
"We aren't going," I tell her again.
"If I want to go, I'll go." She pushes back.
Fuck she's so fucking stubborn.
"Let's discuss it later, we have shit to do if you want me to go on this stupid ass boat shit."
"Could you fit anymore curse words in that sentence?" She taunts me and the vision of her over my knee makes me smile.
She would probably like that actually, laying across my lap, my hand hitting her skin, not too hard, just hard enough to turn the skin pink..
"Hardin?" She interrupts my perverted thoughts. I push them away, for now.
"Let's go pack." I smile, knowing she would hide behind her hands if I told her what I was thinking about.
"Packing" turned into me sitting on the bed while she meticulously folded the clothes, packing both of our bags neatly. She slapped my hand away when I tried to help, ordering me to sit there and not touch anything. Works for me.
"You know what's weird?" She asks while zipping a plastic bag full of shit she doesn't need to take on a two day trip.
"The plastic bag isn't recyclable?" I smile.
"No smartass. That woman from the apartment in the Seattle hasn't called me back yet. I keep calling her but she doesn't answer and she hasn't returned my calls."
Fuck.
"Oh, that's odd. How was your last day?" I change the subject.
The last thing I remember is Tessa repeating the plan for tomorrow morning over and over and over and over until I finally fall asleep.
Tessa's POV.
"Hardin! You have to get up, now. We're going to be late." I shake his arm again.
I'm already dressed and ready, our bags have already been placed in the car, and I've given him as much time to sleep as possible.
"No, I'm not going," he groans.
I wish he was a morning person like me.
"Please get up!" I whine and tug at his arm.
"No, go away." He covers his face with the pillow and I grab it and toss it on the floor.
I decide to take a different approach and bring my hand to the front of his boxers. He fell asleep in his jeans last night while I was packing our bags, I had a hell of a time tugging them down his legs without waking him.
My fingernails gently scratch the inked skin just above the waistband, he doesn't budge. I dip my hand into his boxers and he opens his eyes.
"Good morning," he half smiles.
"Get up," I remove my hand and stand up.
He pretends to be asleep again, making loud noises to mock that he's snoring. It's adorable and playful, I hope he remains this way for the rest of the week, really I'll settle for the rest of the day.
"Not fair," he whines, pulling yesterday's jeans back on his legs.
He walks over to the dresser and grabs a black t-shirt, looks at me and puts it back before pulling out a white shirt. He runs his fingers over his hair, making it stand straight up before pushing it back down.
"Do I have time to brush my teeth?" His tone is sarcastic and his voice is raspy from sleep.
"Yes, hurry up. I packed you a spare toothbrush because I had to put the bags in the car."
"You already took them down?"
"Yes,"
"Why didn't you just wait? I would have done it."
"You wouldn't get up and I didn't want to be late." I shrug and he purses his lips.
"Brush your teeth so we can go," I instruct and do a quick walk through the apartment to make sure everything is in order.
Minutes later Hardin joins me in the living room and we finally leave.
Ken, Karen, and Landon are already ready, waiting for us in the driveway when we arrive.
I roll down the window and Karen does the same, "Sorry we're a few minutes late." I apologize as we pull up next to them.
"It's okay! We figured we'd all ride together since it's quite a drive," Karen says with a smile.
"Fuck no," Hardin whispers next to me.
"Come on, Ken bought me this for my birthday and we never use it." She gestures to the black SUV they're sitting in.
"No, hell no." Hardin says again, a little louder.
"It will be fine," I say quietly, looking away from the other car.
"Tessa," he begins.
"Hardin, please don't make this difficult, please." I beg.
His eyes soften, "fine, fuck you're lucky I love you."
"Thank you," I squeeze his hand and turn back to Karen.
"Okay," I smile and turn my car off.
Hardin puts our bags in the back of Karen's SUV, he scowls the whole time.
"This is going to be fun," Landon laughs as I climb in the car.
"You guys can sit in the back row," Ken says and I thank him.
Hardin sits next to me after making a comment about not having to sit next to Landon. As Ken pulls onto the street Karen turns on the radio and begins to softly sing along.
"This is some shit straight from a corny comedy," Hardin says and puts his hand over mine and pulls them both to his lap.
"Do you guys want to play some car games? My favorite is the license plate game!" Karen says and I can't help but laugh at Hardin's horrified expression.
(Thank you all for commenting and telling me where you're from! Its incredible to have readers from all over the world! ily all so much!! )