I SHOULD HAVE END THE PAIN, NOT MYSELF
Warning: Read at your own risk.
I got my black hoodie and wore it.
It's already 2 in the midnight, but I went out from my apartment.
I look at the peaceful dark street, though there are street lights for me to see the road clearly.
I just walk without destination.
I'm already decided. Today is the day.
A small smile crept on my lips. Finally.
I took a deep breath as I saw the bridge and the river below. I can even see the full moon above the dark sky. A perfect place.
Even if I am wearing a hoodie, I felt the cold breeze. The wind even messed up the strands of my hair.
I climb up in the railings. Now, I am facing the river evidently. If I'll let go my hand right now, everything about me will end.
I felt the tears coming out from my eyes. I bit my lower lip.
I turn my back and face the railings, then I let go both of my hands from it.
Everything went slow-mo around me. No one will witness my own death but me.
While I'm falling, I remembered those happy memories that I didn't remember when I was alone in the dark room. Why I got to remember everything?
I saw all their faces and smiles.
Then the tears let out that I keep on holding back.
I hardly closed my eyes when I felt the cold water on my back.
"I don't want to die..."
And due to the force from falling, I fell so deep towards the river.
I'm already numb but I felt the pain, but I don't know what kind of pain was that.
I tried to swim and reach the sky, but I keep on sinking.
My parents. My friends.
My little brother...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Help me...
I drank the water from the river because I am sobbing.
It's painful. It hurts. I'm already drowning.
God, I am sorry for the life you gave me that I decided to end.
I want to see my little brother to grow, I want to teach him things I learned. I want to hang out with my friends. I want to make my parents proud even if I don't have a clear goals.
Finally, there are many things I want to do now... why it got to be end like this?
I want to live. I want to survive, but who would notice me here?
All I want is to end all the pain, I should have end it, not my life.
Is it too late to regret? Is it too late to ask for forgiveness?
I'm sorry for everyone and I am sorry for myself.
I'm dying and I still hate myself.
"I'm sorry..." I murmured, my voice was not clear because of the water, but I tried to speak despite of my situation.
Once I again, I tried to save myself... but everything went black.
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HartleyRoses