Chapter 52
I was just glad that there wasn't anybody at the airport who was trying to hit on me this time around.
It was a struggle to get my luggage on and off of convayer belts, but there were a few people around who helped me do it.
The flight was long, over 24 hours. Way too much time to think.
When I got off my flight, my phone went crazy with all of the notifications I wasn't able to get while on the plane.
I looked through them from my lock screen, but didn't respond. I'm sure they all already knew why I did what I did.
It was bittersweet to ride back into my apartment.
It had been so long since I had last been here in New York. So much time of things only getting worse.
I knew that I should probably call my mom and let her know I was back in the USA, because I really wanted to see her.
It was weird going from seeing my mom everyday to being without her for months at a time.
I knew that was the life of every college aged person, but at least they had some time to adjust. I was always on the road.
Somebody rode the elevator with me, and I pushed my luggage to the side when they came in to make room.
When they got off of the elevator I heard a familiar laugh. I put my hand where the door opened and retracted and listened intently for a second.
The voice sounded exactly like my mom's.
"Mom?" I asked, taking a step outside the elevator to look around.
I saw her standing in the door frame of a room, looking inside. I recognized her dark hair and her figure.
"Mom!" I said a little louder, trying to get her attention. She turned around, and it took her a minute to process that it was me.
"Alyssa!" She said, turning completely and walking over to me. I turned back into the elevator and dragged one of my bags out.
"Let me help you," she said, pulling the other bag out into the hallway.
"I've missed you so much," I said, hugging her. She held me in her arms.
"I've missed you too," she said. "Look at you! You're going to pop!" I laughed at her sense of humor, but agreed. I was about to pop.
"What are you doing here?" I asked her. I wasn't expecting to see her when I got here.
"I told you, I'm moving in!" She said excitedly.
"I knew that you were moving in, but I didn't know it was this soon!" I said. I was happy that we could finally be close again.
"What about you?" She asked. "I thought you were going to be in Australia for another two weeks."
I pressed my lips together. I didn't want to say it. It wasn't the time.
"Oh no," she said, expecting the worse. "Is everything okay?" She patted my back.
I shook my head. Nothing was okay.
"Not exactly," I said. "But that's a story for later." I was feeling so horrible that I couldn't stand feeling this horrible for any longer.
I wanted to spend time with somebody who was happy. I knew that if I told my mom right away, she wouldn't be too happy.
"Is it about your boyfriend?" She asked. I bit my lip for a second, but then was interrupted.
"Maria?" A man's voice spoke from the room in which my mom had been standing by. Maria was my mom's name.
I didn't recognize him when he walked out of the room. I didn't know why he was here, or even if he knew my mom.
My mom shot him a look that said "stop". He froze for a second when he saw that she was standing with me.
I looked at him with twisted eyebrows.
"Is this Alyssa?" He asked. My mom sighed. My heartbeat felt painful. I couldn't take any more surprises.
"Alyssa, this is Robert. Rob, this is my daughter Alyssa," my mom said, introducing us to each other.
"Nice to meet you, Alyssa," he said, outreaching his hand. I didn't have the nerve to shake his hand. I just continued glaring at him with the death stare.
"Mom, who is this?" I asked her without taking my eyes off of him. I already knew the answer, but I just wanted to make sure.
My mom began to speak, but stopped herself. I watched as she carefully chose her words. My nails dug into my wrist.
"I'm moving in with him," my mom said. "That's the reason why I was able to get the apartment here, close to you."
My back teeth began to hurt from how hard I was pressing them together.
"Oh..." I was taken aback. "Are you dating, or something?"
My mom looked at Rob, and then back at me.
"We've been seeing each other for a while now," my mom decided on saying. I had to pull my hand off of my wrist before I broke the skin.
"And did you maybe think this was worth mentioning?" I asked. My mom didn't have many boyfriends, and often kept them secret from me until things were serious. I was trying to gage where she was in this relationship. She could move in with him, and I didn't know he existed?
"Alyssa, can we talk," my mom said, motioning for me to come in the apartment.
"Not in there we can't," I responded quickly. I did not want to associate with anything that had to do with Rob, let alone the place where he and my mom would be living together.
"Do you want to talk in your apartment?" She asked, beginning to walk towards me.
"That would be great," I said with a sarcastic edge. I turned around and pressed the button on the elevator, my finger shaking so much that I almost missed it.
"I'll be right back," my mom said to Rob, and then she brought my luggage into the elevator with me.
"I'm sorry, Alyssa, I really am," she said. "It was just that you had so much going on, and I didn't want to pile even more on. Besides, it's not something to say over the phone. I was going to have you two meet when you got back in two weeks and everything was settled."
"It wouldn't have made a difference," I said. "Do you have any idea what I've been through in the past months?"
I put my hand over my heart, but it didn't slow the beating.
If emotions took up space, the elevator would have exploded.
"You were about to tell me," my mom said in a calm voice. I knew how much she would have liked to shout at me right now, but she controlled her emotions, something that I didn't know how to do.
"You really think I want to talk about that right now?" I asked. The elevator stopped and we both got up.
My apartment was just the way I remembered it. It even smelled the same, like the Chinese food I had for dinner the night before I left.
My mom put the luggage behind the door, and then we both took a seat on the couches.
Looking out at the city, it reminded me of how hard I thought things were back then. Things back then didn't even compare to the current situation I was in.
"Again, I'm sorry that you had to meet him that way. He's a really great person, Alyssa. I know that I'm making the right decision," my mom said, sitting across from me.
I was still staring out of the window, admiring the simplicity of it all. I sighed, trying to calm myself down.
"I just feel really stupid because you left me out of something that is such a big deal," I said, lowering my voice and my emotional charge. "Telling you I was pregnant was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I forced myself to do it because I didn't want you to feel left out of something in my life."
I watched as my mom bit the inside of her mouth.
I told her everything that had happened in the past two weeks. How the secret was getting harder to control and that Melissa had shown up and got all the attention I never had.
The story almost bored me now that there were so many things going wrong in my life. It just seemed like old news.
As soon as I said everything, I automatically regretted it. I knew that I was saying it to hurt her, and she was already hurt enough.
"I'm sorry that happened," my mom said, her voice shaky. It sounded like she had a lump in her throat from fighting off tears.
I rested my elbow on the edge of the couch and admired one of my nails. I picked at some of the old nail polish.
"I haven't met a guy that I like as much as Rob for so long. Your father left over eighteen years ago. I have to move on eventually," she said. "You were always pushing me to go on a date or meet other people."
"Yeah, but things are complicated enough right now," I said. "I was looking forward to things being just me and you and the baby."
I sighed.
"Does he know anything?" I asked urgently. The fire in my chest had returned. I couldn't stand having anybody else around that I had to hide from.
"About Niall? No, I wanted to leave that decision up to you," she said.
I felt like another huge weight was just dropped on top of me. I hated reality. I hated secrets.
"He can't know about any of this!" I said, a bit louder than I intended. "How are we supposed to keep this a secret when I have the baby and Niall's there at the hospital? What about when Niall and I are here when he's on break? How can I explain that I can't introduce him to my boyfriend? You know he's going to want to meet my boyfriend. Everybody always asks about him,"
My mom stared at the ground for a few seconds, thinking.
"You could tell him," she said.
"No! I can't!" I said. "Do you know how many people know or who are close to knowing? I don't even know Rob! He could let it slip to some people. It's not fair if he knows and some other people who I love I can't tell."
My mom's eyes wandered to the ceiling.
Neither of us had any idea how to keep this from him without being questioned or under an extreme amount of pressure. It was a sure thing that he was going to want to see the baby when he was born. I knew that my mom would want him to be a part of the baby's life too.
I just couldn't believe that she chose now of all times to meet somebody, and I hated finding out like this. I came home to get away from my problems, but they were still with me.
"Mom, I am so sorry," I finally spoke. "I just wasn't ready for another surprise. I am happy you are moving on."
"We are in this together, Alyssa. We always have been," my mom winked at me, and I felt at ease.
A/N
I hope everybody is enjoying Made In The A.M. as much as i am!!! let me know what your favorite songs are in the comments (:
mine are hey angel, never enough, and if i could fly (((:
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