Broken promise

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My hand slipped

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Mmm, what's wrong babe?"

"I can't find the stupid promise ring."


"The one Denki gave me. He'll definitely notice it's missing."

"Whatever, it's just a stupid ring from a stupid boy. You have me now."


Still I can't shake the foreboding shadow. The strange coincidence that I lose Denkis promise ring the first time I sleep with someone else after accepting it.

I try to ignore the restless thoughts but they lurk in the farthest corners of my mind.

"Hey Toshi! I'm glad you could make it in between all your training sessions and such you've been having recently."

I feel like he can see through me, I feel like he knows all the secrets I'm hiding. Probably just paranoia or stress.

"I wouldn't miss our meet up for the world, Denks."

I watch his eyes as they flick over my bare knuckles and look back up at my face.

"Aww, you're sweet today."

He says nothing about the missing ring and I breathe a sigh of relief.

-Denki Pov-
I keep the hurt and pain in a small little ball. So many emotions tucked away in a hard rock that settles in my stomach.

"Damnit." I mutter into the soft collar of my winter jacket. Hot tears warm my cheeks but cool quickly in the frostbitten air.

My feet take me away from my apartment and take me to Minas house.

She's home and luckily answers on the third knock.

"Denki! What a surprise! Come inside before you freeze to death."

"Thanks Ashy." I smile, stepping into the warm house.

"Now what's wrong."


"Don't play stupid, you look ridiculously adorable. You always do after you cry. Why can't you have a normal ugly cry? Anyways." She looks at my face waiting for an answer.

"You know those stupid couples rings I got? The ones that don't come off unless you cheat?"

"Yeah? What ab- oh no."

"Toshis is missing. But mines still on." I press the back of my hand over my mouth, eyes squeezed shut.

"Oh, maybe there was a mistake? Maybe it's just broken. Or a scam."

"I don't think so."


"He's been having an awful lot of training sessions and overnight shifts, remember? That's why I got the stupid rings."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Com'er."

I melt into Minas arms and let out the sobs that have been building up inside my throat all day.

Heartache rips at my insides and it hurts so bad. Now that I've finally come to terms with it, it hurts so bad.

My boyfriend.

My darling.

My moon and my stars.

My significant other.

The love of my life, who I thought was my soulmate....

Doesn't love me back.

The hurt and pain gets stuck in my throat until I can hardly breathe. My legs give out and I fall to the ground, choking. Choking on air and nothing and everything.

"Denki?! Denki! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ashido rubs my back, concerned.

When this happens, Recovery Girl tells me to breathe. The choked wheezing tones down to crying and coughs. Evaluate what's making you feel this way.

I'm hurting inside. Why?

Hitoshi is cheating on me. Why?

Because... because I'm not good enough for him. Why?

I'm- I'm stupid and ugly... Why?

Because that's just the way I am. Why?

I'm just not someone that people can love and that's all there is to it. It's my own stupid fault I'm hurt so badly, it's because I'm not good enough. I'm never good enough.

My tears dry up but only because a sticky pool of self loathing seeps into my brain, filling all the cracks.

"Denki, I'm so sorry. Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"N- no thank you. I should figure out what to do next."

"Okay, I'm free the rest of the night, call me if you need anything at all."

She helps me stand and I hug her one last time.

"Thanks, sorry for coming over here unannounced."

We say goodbye and I step out into the bitter cold.

Once out of eyesight, I take my jacket and sweater off. The frozen wind nipping at my bare arms and face is a physical pain that overpowers the mental pain.

I take the long way home. I don't want to be in that apartment, filled with memories of Hitoshi but nothing more.

I sit down on a frosty bench and watch people walk past. They all are so busy, immersed in their own lives.

Meanwhile all I'm doing is sitting out in the cold like a small child, pouting.

Soon it begins to snow, the first snow of the holiday season. It seems like I'll be spending it alone.

They say somewhere that if you spend the first snow with someone, you're destined to be together for a long time.

Guess I'll be on my own for a while.

I bury my head in my arms and wish that I had someone else's life. Someone who matters, someone who wakes up and knows their self worth, someone who wasn't alone in a crowd.

I wish I was smart.

I wish I didn't love Shinso.

I wish I could hate him. Hate him for hurting me but in the end I know it's all my fault.

I wish my wishes would come true but I doubt even a shooting star could help me now.

-That's why I'm not allowed to read Shinkami angst lol-

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