You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 57

You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time

I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

***

Birthdays are quite strange. I've never understood what's been so exciting about celebrating another day which is just another year closer to your death.

It's dark I know, but I haven't always felt that way, things only changed the year after my mother passed away.

We never did much to celebrate when I was young, but what we did was always just enough.

I never enjoyed parties. Large groups of people have always terrified me, and I never liked the idea of so many people gathering around, pretending we're close when in reality I barely have one clue as to who they are.

The one time I did have a party it was full of a bunch of pricks in suit jackets, with wives who looked too terrified to speak around the men they were with.

My friends never came over because of the rules, so my father invited his work friends instead. Wasn't much of a birthday party though, considering he only got drunk and then did cocaine right next to my birthday cake.

I was young and didn't understand so when I got upset he ruined my cake, he sent me back into my bedroom for the entire night.

Happy seventh birthday to me.

When I finally went to bed later that night, my mom snuck inside with two ice cream sandwiches stacked up on top of each other with two candles lit on the top.

She sang me happy birthday, crawled into bed with me, and then still somehow made that birthday the best one yet.

Little did I know that was going to be the last birthday I would ever spend with her.

The year after that my father didn't do anything for my 'not so special' day. Hell I don't even know if he remembered, but it didn't mean much to me anyways. I had no reason to want to celebrate.

When he went to sleep that night I remember I quietly walked down the steps, snuck into the kitchen, and went to the freezer.

I found the box of chocolate ice cream sandwiches, and it luckily had two left inside. I didn't know how to use a lighter, but I knew where some leftover candles from my fathers birthday dinner were. So I just stuck two on the top and ran back inside to my room.

He always had large birthday parties but I was never allowed to attend. When I was young I thought maybe it was because he hated me or felt ashamed of me, and while that may still be a possibility, it seems more realistic to believe he was just getting high.

Who knows.

That night when I got back into my bedroom, I sang happy birthday to myself, blew out the imaginary flame, and sat there in bed wondering if she was out there looking back on that day just like me.

Even last year I still laid down in bed, stared up at the ceiling and wondered if she was out there missing me as much as a I missed her.

Then there's this years. This year is the first year I don't have to lie in bed, wondering where it is she is or when she's coming back home. Because this year, now I know she never left. Now I know she was by my side all those lonely nights, blowing out the imaginary flame on the candle I placed next to mine just for her.

When I woke up this morning I felt a strange feeling i've never felt before.

The second my eyes opened and Harry stood over the bed, holding breakfast he made in his hands and wished me a happy birthday I started crying.