You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 39

Harry Pov

I nuzzle my head against the pillow Ariana had slept on last night, breathing in the smell of her vanilla perfume, that for some odd reason reminds me of home.

As I slowly blink my eyes open, I cant help but feel the heavy pressure and moisture under my eyelashes, that was caused by the vulnerable talk I had with her last night.

The talk, we should have never had.

She shouldn't have seen me like that, and she shouldn't have to worry about me. I should be worrying about her and protecting her, not the other way around.

She's already going through so much, how selfish could I be? I shouldn't be begging her for her help after what i've put her through.

Sometimes I wish she would just tell me to go fuck myself and leave her alone, but that's not Ariana. She wants to help me, even though I should be her last concern.

I hate that she saw me like that. So upset, fragile, and completely desperate for her comfort. She didn't deserve to see me like that, and I know it made her upset.

I never wanted to upset her but I just completely lost control over myself. I don't even remember what I had dreamt about but all I know is it made me want to never close my eyes again.

I know for a fact if I was alone I wouldn't be able to sleep, but the second she held me in her arms, told me she was there, and tangled her fingers in my hair, I easily fell asleep like nothing had happened.

Her reassuring words, soft voice, and sweet touch made it easy though. She made me feel safe, and she made me feel comfortable even when my mind wasn't.

The entire time I was asleep I felt the urge to jump up and run away so I could cave in, but the second she comforted me the pain almost faded away completely.

The craving and dark thoughts were still there in the back of my head, but if I had the option to get high or stay wrapped up in her arms, i'd easily choose her every single time.

Maybe i'm a fool for feeling the way I do but nobody's ever seemed to care about me like she does. It may be guilt she's feeling, or it may be lust, but either way i'd never deny her and the feeling of her precious caring words spilling into my damaged heart so gracefully.

I fear though, that I messed things up. Because the day that I felt her lips against mine, was the day I realized I had way too much to lose.

I can't deny the sexual attraction I feel towards Ariana, but it's not like that anymore. It feels like it could be so much more than what I thought it was, even if it hasn't been very long.

I've never felt this way about anybody, not since Madi.

With every other girl i've been with i've just used the sexual pleasure to hide and push down the thoughts that overwhelm me.

But with Ariana, after I come down from that high, instead of telling her to leave like everybody else, I just want to hold her in my arms forever and tell her how thankful I am to have her in my life.

Although I am selfish and wish that could happen, i'm smart enough to know I can't let my feelings get in the way of protecting her.

If I tell her how I may feel and she doesn't feel the same, then what happens? Will she go out on her own while I sit back praying he never hurts her?

That's like reading almost every chapter of a mystery book but never finishing the ending.

I've been around way too long, looking after her just to make sure she's safe, so why would I risk my feelings knowing there's a chance I could lose her?