You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 42

"Whoop his ass babe" Harry yells over to me, leaning up against his car, while he smokes from his poorly rolled blunt.

When I first saw Harry flick his lighter against the tip of the rolled shell, wrapping his lips around the bottom of the stick, sucking in his cheeks to inhale the smoke deeply, I almost slapped it out of his hand.

Well I did try, but he grabbed onto my hand immediately after I reached over, stared into my eyes like he was about to kill me, but aggressively kissed me instead.

It's like his spidey senses were tingling.

I know it's clearly very different to what he was addicted to, but it's hard not to be worried, knowing there's a chance he could want to top the high he feels from the marijuana.

The highs are both completely different and i'd hate to see him fall back to the cocaine all because the high he gets from the weed isn't enough for him.

When I asked him why he even wanted to smoke, he told me it was easier for him to relax, and he was feeling most irritable today, so he needed something to help him calm down.

I suggested maybe meditation, listening to music, or even getting out of the house for a bit before we got here, but he just laughed and quickly promised and assured me, telling me I had nothing to worry about.

Which is easy for him to say, but all I do is worry.

I know I can't tell him what he can or can't do, but i'm hoping he's making the right decision. I'm not trying to baby him, or act like his mother, but i'd hate to see all his progress go down the drain over a stupid blunt.

Maybe i'm overreacting or overthinking it, but I just get worried whenever things seem to be good.

You start to get happy for one second and then here comes the universe throwing a big ass brick at your face, telling you to humble yourself.

Stupid universe is a vibe killer.

"Shut the fuck up before I give her the taser again, ass face" Ashton snarls back at him, glaring at Harry over his shoulder while walking towards his car for another smoke break.

He's only taken like ten in the past hour, what would one more hurt? My legs.

Between Ashton constantly stopping for a break, and Harry staring at me like he's about to pounce on me, i'm having a hard time focusing and getting this over with.

All I wanted to do today was lay down, maybe try to catch up on some sleep, rest my body after being completely destroyed yesterday; but no.

Ashton came over earlier before I had even woken up, dragged me out of bed by my legs, and forced me to come out here so I could practice more self defense, which is fine but what would missing one day seriously change?

I know it's important, and I know I should be able to defend myself in case anything were to happen, but nine times out of ten i'm with Harry or Ash. Besides that, I still haven't heard directly from my father, other than the letter I received that day at the cafe.

Maybe i'm just completely clueless and naïve, constantly telling myself that i'll be safe no matter what, and he won't come after me, all because i'm too caught up in Harry and what's going on between the two of us.

That's exactly what it is...I guess it's a good thing i'm self aware.

It's hard not to think about Harry though, wherever I go he follows, and wherever he goes I worry.