You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 24

Ashton really opened up my eyes today.

If it wasn't for him I don't know how long it would take me to realise I shouldn't have to put up with Harry's behavior just because he's helping me.

He made that decision willingly so if he wants to stay in my life and protect me from the bad he has to fix the bad in himself as well.

I would never ask him to change himself completely for me, I just want him to show he cares as much as he says he does.

If he's protecting me from a violent, mean, drunk, arrogant asshole, what does that make him? A hero?

How would he be considered the hero if he was only saving me from himself?

Over time i've learned and heard from plenty wise people that we accept the love we think we deserve.

I know my worth and I know I will not except harsh love coming from a broken boy because then i'll be left putting him back together.

Breaking off pieces from my own heart just so I can put his back in place.

That doesn't always work though.

You can't take a random puzzle piece from one puzzle and expect it to fit in another puzzle when there's one last piece missing

Sometimes that puzzle is just left without a piece. You can scribble it in with a sharpie or cut out a piece of paper or find anyway to hide it but at the end of the day that piece is still missing.

It could be anywhere.

Sometimes you just never find it but you eventually move on.

Just like a broken heart never heals you just distract yourself from the harsh truth and pain.

You find ways to ignore the ache. You got out with friends and you maybe cut your hair but you'll never necessarily be healed. You might slap a band aid of distraction over your heart but that piece will still be missing.

That person who broke you whether it was an ex or a family member or friend they hold onto that piece forever.

So why break more of yourself to heal others? Everyone's missing a piece. Nobody's ever completely put together and if they seem that way I can promise you they just filled in the gap.

My love and my heart is completely different from everyone else. So why would a piece of my heart necessarily be the right fit for Harry?

If it wasn't the right fit i'd just end up breaking off another piece of myself just to be let down when our hearts don't collide together.

He could walk away and try again with someone else with the same missing piece where as I would be left with another hole trying to but my pieces back into place cleaning up after his mess.

But it'd be pointless because he would take that piece with him whether it fit or not.

Leaving the people with the kind hearts more broken than those who don't. Because after you try so many times fixing others you'll soon become heartless when you realise all your pieces are gone.

I've been down that road far too many times before and I will no longer let it happen. I not only promised Ashton but myself as well and I never break my promises.

Not that i'm trying to bring Harry down or assume he has bad intentions I just know everything has been moving way too fast.

After we hooked up for the first time things just got even more complicated and I don't know if that's something either of us need right now. I have no idea what's supposed to happen next when it comes to my father but that's what I should be focused on.