Flashbacks (On Hold)

Blowing Out The Final Flames

        The candle light vigil was today during school hours. It's been three days since I found out my ex-boyfriend died. That was some terrific news! I'm being sarcastic by the way. It was the worse news I ever heard in my life. So anyways, the vigil is in an hour and I still need to type something up to say. Katie and I were waiting by the computer trying to think of something good. "I can't concetrate!" I complained to my sister. "Well, there is only an hour till the vigil. Hopefully you can think of something, Maya." She pat my shoulder then ran to class. I started to type lies. All the things I wanted to say, I couldn't. What would people think of me? The crazy girl who won't sobb over the guy who she used to date, who killed himself. That's a weird label isn't it? Then I heard the door behind me close. I looked back and didn't see Katie or Marisol. No, it was Tori. "Hey, are you doing okay?" I rolled my eyes and continued to type pathetic words. We haven't spoken since Zig and I kissed. Or since she overheard me talking to Zig about it. "Can I get you anything?" she asked in a polite tone. "Oh, now you want to be my friend? After Cam dies. Typical, Tori." She just left after I said that. Didn't say anything. Just left. Well, I kind of made her leave. At least that shut her up. 

        It was time for the vigil. I saw everybody in a crowd. Some were crying or just had a tear stain on their shirt. Some were just silent, like Dallas. "Um, can I have everyone's attention?" Marisol's voice was really soft, but everyone could still hear her clearly. "Here to speak for today, is Maya Matlin." As soon as I heard my name I headed up the stage. I looked around at all the sad faces. I crumbled my paper I wrote  and shoved it in my pocket. "This is so stupid." Everyone exchanged confused glances with eachother. "This is so, so stupid!" I sounded angry because I was. "Everyone blamming themselves or eachother. And I won't cry. I won't. If you think about it, Cam made a choice. Obviously a stupid one. I mean, it's not anyone of our faults. I mean, it's his fault!" Katie spoke out, "Maya, he was sick." I shook my head, "He should have fought!" My voice got louder. "He was really sick." I was mad at her and everybody around me. Forcing me to speak. "He should hace fought harder!" I took a deep breath and took my green bandana off of my forehead and held it like the memory of Cam in my hand. I ran off the stage. I could feel everyone's eyes staring into my broken soul. "Maya!" Katie yelled out among the silence. I started to slow down in my tracks, but I kept walking. Planning to head into the school. I didn't turn back. And I'm never going to.