Dumb Blonde

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    Our voices intertwined in a threatening crescendo- pulling back and forth in an endless tug of war. They crashed like waves in a storm, the song as powerful as the tide- pushing us out and back together. It was a perfect storm. A dangerous beauty.

"And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again..."

    It was the haunting hymn the sirens sung to the sailors, luring them to their deaths.

    "And I can still hear you saying..."

    I hated him right them- or at least I should. I should hate him with every breath I take, but... I can't.

    "You would never break the chain."

    I hate what he did to me. I hate how he made me feel, and I hate the fact I don't hate him at all.

    God- I need to go home and cry to 10 things I hate about you.

    The crowd roared as we finished the song and I didn't even wait for the set to go dark before bounding off stage. I know I should probably be less dramatic, but right then, my emotions and sadness hit me harder than they had the entire time I was singing.

    I was disappointed in myself that I extracted my revenge like that. I was disappointed in myself for letting a man control my emotions so much. But most of all- I was disappointed in myself for falling for the first guy who looked at me differently.

    Well- thats not true. I really did... (do?) love Rowen. I thought he loved me but- I was wrong. So, so damn wrong.

    I start to pull on an oversized jacket and pack up my guitar when I hear my name being called.


    I turn to see all four boys bounding towards me. Rowen in the lead- and it looks like the other three were chasing right after him. Caspian is oddly red faced- it looks like he had been blushing, but maybe just from running. Despite the fact Caspian was extraordinarily fit, it was hard to imagine him working out. I swear he'd flirt with the weights he was lifting.

    It broke my goddamn heart to see him- images of afternoons in the boys attic, our first kiss, wandering around London, the way he would look at me while we played- flitted through my brain intrusively.

    "No- Don't," I said, my voice sounding close to either hysterics or breaking, "Don't come near me. We are done."

    With that I slam the lid of my guitar case and pick it up and begin to walk away. Rowen lunges towards me, as if to tell me something, but he's pulled back by the other boys. I don't listen to the frantic words he shouts as I walk away into the evening air.

    It's dark when I'm outside, and a soft wind and drizzling rain makes the air almost humid. It'd be humid if we were in Nashville, I think to myself.

    God- I wanna go home. And maybe I'm a coward for wanting that- but I was naive to think this would be a fresh start. London would never be my home- I thought I had made myself one, one better than Nashville, one with the boys i loved, but I was dumb.

    I'm sorry Dolly Parton to disappoint you- but sometimes, I am a dumb blonde. And right now is an example.

    I set my face with determination. Never again- he may have broken my heart once but I'll be damned if he does it again.

    "Nola!" I turn to see Ivy running towards me, breathless.

    "Hey Ives," I say, my voice slightly hoarse from singing and the emotions.

    "India is going home with Matteo and I wanted to see if you wanted a ride back to Westwood- I already packed up your stuff I hope you don't mind," Oddly- her spanish accent was thicker than usual and her dark eyes seemed... Different.

    I stare at her for a second, trying to piece together what is different. Suddenly, a light bulb turns on in my mind

    "Ivy, did you say something to Caspian?"

    Her jaw slacked, and her dark skin blushed prettily. "N-no?" She stuttered out, doing a horrible job at lying.

    I shoved her playfully, my mood relaxing as I distracted myself with someone else's love life. "Ivy don't lie to me, you told him you liked him didn't you?"

    She fidgeted with her hands, not looking me in the eyes, "Maybe?"

    "Annd he told you he liked you back?" I pushed, as we hauled ourselves into her car.

    "Shhh! Don't say it so loudly!"

    I laughed and sighed, "I couldn't be more happy for you Ivy Fernandez."

    "Really? I thought with Rowen..." her voiced trailed off, insinuating all that needed to be said.

"Really! Look- I'm sad. And that's... sad. But! You don't need to be. Hell- I'd be sadder if you were as well. I love you Ivy- I only want the best for you." It was the honest truth. I may be sad- and a slight bit jealous of her happiness, but never would I wish to take it away from her. I know she's been pining over Caspian for years. "Anyway- you got to fill me in on all the details."

As we spoke on the ride home, I felt this painful feeling. Not of jealousy, but just.. emptiness? the inability to relate? I'm not sure, but a bitter feeling rose in my throat and I couldn't wait to be alone. Or maybe- being alone was the last thing I wanted.

    When we arrived back at Westwood, it seemed more comforting than ever. The campus was silent as we patted out way back to the dorms. My room was empty of India- no doubt alone with Matteo.

I felt as empty as the dorm room as I lay in bed- watching the shadows move across my room. It felt so... dead. Quiet. Still.

Soon enough, I found myself crying into my pillow, not giving a damn if my eyes would be puffier than ever in the morning. I felt utterly alone.

Little did I know my phone was blowing up as I slept.

HIIIIIII! yo- wtf! 5K? i know thats not a lot but it seems like an insane ton to me! This is obviously my first book here on good ole wattpad. I hope you still enjoy the book. I love Nola- and I hope y'all do too. anyway- comment! vote! I love y'all!

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