You're So Golden |H.S|

Chapter 4

After five minutes of Harry taunting me by making butterfly wings with his hands, he finally asks again but in a serious tone, "okay I'm sorry. What are you actually afraid of?" he asks slowly.

"You really like this question" I smile nervously, knowing exactly what it is my answer is, but I'm just scared to admit it because I know it's going to be my reality one day.

I've never said it out loud to anybody before because I never thought it was important enough to share, everyone already knows what my life will look like, and most people don't see anything wrong with it.

Which is fine because everyone looks at life differently, but I just think life is a waste of time if you're always following the rules. Ever since I was little, my father has told me what my future would look like. I've never fought with him because I know I'd never win.

What's the point of fighting when you already know you're going to lose? It's a waste of built up anger and unnecessary added on emotion.

Taking a deep breath I finally answer him, "I'm scared of getting up every morning at the same time, wearing the same clothes, going to the same office with the same coworkers, and pretending like I enjoy my job. Just so I can go home to an empty house, make myself a sad turkey sandwich for dinner, watch a terrible reality show so I can judge other people's lifestyles because I'll secretly hate my own, go to bed, and wake up just to do the same thing everyday for the rest of my life until I become a divorced retired alcoholic" I ramble on, feeling every word that I speak consume me.

I've always hated the idea of growing up, and doing whatever it is society tells me to do. Sure I want to have kids one day, but why follow by the books all the time? Why should I have to work the same job everyday of my life just to come home, make dinner, lay in bed, then wake up and do it all over again?

There's nothing fun or exciting about the same thing all the time. I want to travel, and I want to find somebody who feels the way that I do. Not settle for some guy who works in a cubicle somewhere, who secretly hates his life, and pictures himself with another woman when his head hits his pillow.

This town is bound to fail me, and if I don't get out somehow any time soon, my fear will come true.

But then again nothing fears me more than betraying my father and his wishes, and if I leave that's exactly what i'd be doing.

"What life do you want to live one day? If you could have anything, what would it look?" he asks while fidgeting with the rings on his fingers again.

"A happy one. One where I can get up in the morning and not stress about what comes next. Just enjoy the feeling of being alive without counting the days until it ends" I say honestly, feeling completely open and vulnerable, not worried about what he may say because he's already been so understanding.

All I want is to live a life that feels worth living. One where I'm not constantly wondering why my mother left or why my father hates the way that I am.

I just want to feel at peace, and come to terms with the way things have turned out. I want to be able to sleep at night and be proud of myself for getting through what I have, not go to sleep feeling sorry for myself and the way that this life is what i'm stuck with forever.

"I hope you experience that one day, you deserve it" he mumbles, staring at me as I look down at the cars drive by, "I mean, i'm sure you deserve it" he corrects himself.

My lips lift up into a smile, looking over at him focusing on the street, "what are you scared of?" I ask in a calm tone, nervous he might say something stupid after I was so honest.

Harry folds his arms, propping his elbow up against his other, and pinches his bottom lip with his fingers as he thinks.

This moment felt so fragile, opening up to him and being completely honest with one another. Not worried about what the other person may think, and if you didn't know ant better you probably would've assumed we've been friends for years.