It Happened: NCIS

Chapter 10

Melissa's POV:

Everything Tony did for me all day, literally all day, meant so much to me. He knew I couldn't go back to work after the nightmare came back. Even though Tony spent the day with me, it was in the back of my mind that he was there because of the nightmare.

Yesterday was everything I needed. The idea of him staying over until I fell asleep worked perfectly. I fell asleep while he stayed next to me, but not too close like last time because he woke me up when he moved. He just sat in the chair next to the couch and held my arm. By the time my alarm went off, he was gone.

All I can say is, no nightmare.

Which makes me happy, but nervous at the same time. The dreams went away after a while being at Abby's and laying in the same area together. Tony stayed over and laid with me and there was no dream. Last night, all he did was rest his hand on my arm, and I had no nightmare.

What I'm saying is I can't have someone with me constantly. I don't even want to have someone near me in that way if that's the case.

I don't know what I'll do tonight, but I know I'm not helping my case, by going to Abby's lab because I have nothing to do and Jack isn't there.

"Hey Melissa." Walking in here feels familiar, and like home. Considering she opened her home to me, it makes sense. She's one of the few people that hasn't been treating me with kid gloves since I've been back.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"Honestly not much. Just going through something's for Tony and Ziva."

"Is it okay if I hang in here for awhile? I promise I won't bother you."

She chuckles. "Melissa, I think we know that you could never bother me."

She makes me smile. I'm thank fuck for her.

She opened her house up to me for all those months and I always will appreciate it. I'm so glad we and her and him reconciled before everything happened.

I sit in a chair nearest to the windows and just stare out it.

"How's it been being home?"

Being home alone, horrible. Being home as long as someone's there, a great time.

"Fine. I realized yesterday that I have no food, so I'll probably do that today."

"Good for you." She says. I can tell she's busy.

I'm just going to sit her and let my mind wander while she works.

"Are you okay?"

No, I'm in here because I'm incapable of being alone.

"Yes, it's just quiet in my office without Jack being there to talk to."

"Oh, okay. Well you're welcome here anytime." She doesn't look at me. She continues to work, which I respect. I came in here and she's not kicking me out so I should be thankful for that.

I continue to look out the window at all the people passing by and I think about what Tony said yesterday.

I know being back at the house is going to get easier with time. The part I'm think about the most is being happy. I know I'm not fully happy but feel as if I show it a tiny bit, I'll get closer to forgetting him. That could never happen, and Tony told me something I already knew. I know I'll never stop loving him.

I know I'm supposed to move on with my life, but that's what scares me.

I never wanted to know life before or without him, but I don't have a choice.

I don't like thinking about this, yet I have too. I have to get used to this life. It's not like he's coming back.

"Abby." I hear someone say and they catch my attention. "Melissa?"

"Hey Gibbs."

"What are you doing here?"

I sigh. "Just getting out of my office. I asked Abby if I could stay, but if you guys need the room."

He comes closer to me. "No, no. Stay. Are you okay?"

I'm honest with him. "My office is too quiet without Jack. I have nothing to do anyway."

He pats me on the back. "Okay."

When he walks away, I see Tony standing behind him.

"Hey." My attitude changes. "Where did you come from?"

"Where did I come from? What are you doing in here?" His approach to me is a little aggressive. Is everyone having an off day.

"I'm bored alone in my office."

"Oh." I see his shoulders fall. "Are you okay?"

Suddenly all these questions make me want to be back in my office for the purpose of being alone. "I'm fine but now it's actually too crowded."

"Melissa." Gibbs calls me as I get up from my seat. "If you have nothing to do, you can go home if you want."

Home isn't where I want to be, I remember that I get to go to the store and shop for, just myself.

I might as well go now to get it over with.

"Sure. Thank you." I make my way out of the lab and start walking to my office.

"Melissa." I hear a whisper and tune around. It's Tony again.

He comes to me and smiles. "Sorry about all that. I just wanted to know if you're going to okay later?"

I know what he's talking about. It's only been on my mind for months.

"We'll see."

"Will you call me if you need anything?"

I shake my head. "Yeah." I don't want to call him and it's not that it's him. It's that I can't keep calling people if I need something.

I need to do it by myself even if it hurts.

I walk away leaving him there. I want to keep it short because I just don't know what to do.

I've never not known what to do. I always know what to do and now that I'm here, I don't have a clue.