It Happened: NCIS

Chapter 3

3 Months Later

Melissa's POV:

Abby and I pull up to the house, where he and I started our future together. Who knew our future, wouldn't last as long as I thought it would?

These past three months, I've been staying at Abby's. She opened her house to me, and I couldn't be more thankful. When I was running out of clothes, she would let me borrow hers, or I would give her the key to this house, and she would get some things for me. We tried to avoid that option as much as possible. We're both hurt. I knew that.

The past three months I lived with her, for the past two months I've been working from her home. I thought it was going to be hard to convince Gibbs to let me do that, but he didn't have a problem with it at all.

I didn't work for a month and he thought it was okay because I wasn't forcing myself back to work.

To be honest, I didn't want to be back at work until now. I wanted to forget all the pain, and I couldn't do that if I went to work.

Even though Abby and Tim were best friends, it was easy to stay with her. We were both feeling the same pain. We understood where the other was coming from. We fell asleep together on the couch sometimes when I was able to sleep. There were times I would wake up screaming, sweating, and I would start crying. She would comfort me immediately. It stopped about two weeks ago, and now I'm home. As much as it is a home without him here, which isn't a lot.

Ziva came over every day for the first two weeks when I was at Abby's. They all went back to work after those weeks and her visits became sporadic.

Tony only visited two weeks after the funeral, and he wasn't himself. No one was expecting him to be since we all went through losing a loved one. I didn't say much to him. He didn't seem very talkative at the time, and I didn't want to push.

After that he didn't come over again. He just asked Abby how I was doing every day. I know because she would let me know every time she would come back from work. I know he cares. It's just hard on him too.

"Alright." Abby comes over to me with my two suitcases. "That should be everything."

"Thanks." I say while I continue to stare at the house.

"Do you want me to go in with you."

"No." I tell her. "If I let you in there with me, I won't ever be able to walk in there alone let alone stay there."

She shakes her head and rubs her hand on my back. It was already hard for her to drive me here. She wanted me to be positive that this is something I wanted to do right now. I reassured her about 20 times that this was something I needed to do, from there she understood, and we were on our way here.

I turn to her in the sweatshirt and pants she let me have. "Thank you for everything." I say as I give her hug. There are tears in my eyes, but I can't let them escape, or I won't be able to stop.

She holds me tight. "You call me if you need anything, okay? Even if it's at night. I'll probably be up any way."

She holds me tighter and I hear her sniffle. "Don't cry, you're going to make me cry." I tell her jokingly, even though it's true.

"Okay, okay." She lets me go and wipes her eyes. "I'll back out when I know you're in the house."

"Okay."

I grab my suitcases and Abby gets into her car. I walk to the door, and when I unlock it, I take a breath before pushing it all the way open.

I turn and I wave to Abby. She waves back at me and I can tell she's nervous. I am too, but I can't show her that I am. She might not leave the driveway if I do.

I force myself into the house and see that everything looks the same. I close the door behind me and let the emptiness surround me. It's quiet in here and I hate it.

I look up the stairs and look back at my suitcases. I don't want to go upstairs yet. It's too soon. I can't do it.

I go into our second living room and leave the suitcases on that couch. I go to walk into the kitchen and look out our-my sliding door and see that the sun is setting. I get closer to the door, and see the urn that James is in.

"Holy shit." I walk away from the door and go straight into the living room where we spent most of our time.

It's dark without the lamp on, but I'm not going to turn it on. I like it like this. It's how I'm feeling. The silence is the loudest thing in this house, and I feel like I can't breathe.

I put my hoodie up and reach for the blanket that's closest to me. I curl up under the blanket and try not to feel cold, even though I kind of come to like this feeling. Being cold has made me feel safer in a weird way.

When I get comfortable, I open my eyes again and I just start to cry. I cry in silence, by myself, in this huge house. I curl m body closer to itself and try to feel safer, but all I can do is cry.

I cry for the whole night. I rather be crying, than falling asleep and having that horrible nightmare again. I have this terrible feeling that now I'm back in this house, it's going to creep back into my mind.

I cry, and I cry, then there's a moment I fall asleep. It happens for five minutes, until the alarm that I haven't heard n months goes off. It means I have to go into work for the first time since everything.

I get up and can feel the puffiness in my eyes. I don't have much makeup. It's all upstairs.

I just go into the living room and get clothes for today and hope I can keep it together. Well, keep it together while people are around.