We Were There

Chatper 75: Memory: Children

I gave birth to two beautiful twins. They had my cheeks but they had their father's eyes. Sometimes, I would hope to tell them someday, that their real father was Thomas not Winston. Sometimes, I would hope to bring them with me to someplace far away from here and  maybe, just maybe, we could start from scratch. And maybe, it still wasn't too late to take Thomas's offer. 

My pregnancy brought trouble to the Walters. I vomitted everywhere in our beautiful Victorian home. My cravings were superficial and my mood swings were uncontrollable. I often got depressed way too many times. I hadn't eaten much during my pregnancy. I had lost weight and that's what made the remaining term of my pregnancy hellish. When I went into labor, the midiwives had trouble tending to me. I was losing a lot of blood. I was dying. 

The labor took nine hours. And every tick of a minute was hellish pain. It was the longest nine hours of my life. There were times wherein giving up was an alluring idea. Death itself was enticing. But what stopped me from doing so was the mere thought of my children growing up and Thomas, who was my life at the moment. 

Winston was out on a business trip as always; leaving his wife in petty matters such as this. To what's petty to him, anyway. 

Everyone around me was a complete blur as I struggled to keep my heavy eyes open. My eyes were blurry. It's either because of the tears that were welling or my vision itself was blurry. I was weak. I couldn't lift my hands up. I could make out the hazy silhouette of Thomas at the edge of the bed, shoving the midwives as he made way to me. I felt his warm hand on my forehead as he wiped the sweat off it and he whispered these words to my ear:

Don't give up on me, darling. Don't you give up on me now.

 

His voice was far. It was so far away. His mere voice was comfort. I heard the midwives scream something but I never knew what. I felt Thomas's strength as he grabbed a hold of my left hand. I must look horrible now. I felt Thomas's grip tighten but I couldn't feel anything. There wasn't any pain at all. Thomas was saying something to me but it was a mumble of words. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say. Everything was peaceful all of a sudden and I then, decided to close my eyes. I was about to succumb to death's call when I heard cries. They were small and fragile. 

I couldn't open my eyes but I could hear them loud and clear. The cries were getting closer. I felt their small bodies on my chest as someone placed them there. All of a sudden, a powerful surge of power and strength rushed into my arms and I could lift them. I caressed the small bodies on my chest. A mother's instinct was very powerful. I opened my eyes and saw two beautiful angels. I couldn't help myself but smile. I let out a quick sob as I felt tears running down my cheeks. 

" You have two beautiful twins. One's a boy and one's a girl." I heard one of the midwives say. I looked at her and smiled at her warmly. She smiled back. 

Neema entered the room, panting. She was carrying a tray and on it were warm towels. She placed the tray on the bedside table and lunched to the floor beside me. She was wiping my forehead from my sweat and my eyes from my tears. 

" Are you okay, child?" she asked. 

I was smiling and laughing. I couldn't contain my happiness. I raised my arms a little to show them the fragile packages I was carrying in my arms. " They're twins." was all I managed to reply to her. 

Neema smiled back and nodded. " They're beautiful." 

I nodded and looked down at them. They gave me strength. 

" What should you name them?" I heard one midwife asked. I looked at Thomas and we exchanged weary smiles. We already had picked out names four months ago and the memory of it was still fresh at the back of my mind. 

" Adam." I raised my right arm carrying Adam as a signal. 

" And how about the little girl?" asked one midwife. 

I gleamed at my beautiful angel and finally answered. 

" Alice. Alice Walter."

***

" Mommy, where's daddy?" Alice asked as I took a sip from my simmering tea. I placed the tea cup down on the study table as I faced her. 

" Daddy's out of town today. He's going to be back tomorrow." I answered as I carried Alice onto my lap. 

" What are you doing?" Alice prodded. 

I looked at the lying documents that lay cluttered on the table. " Oh, nothing. Just some work." I replied. 

" If it's nothing, then why work?" Alice then again countered. 

I found myself smiling at her remark. " Well, you tell me." I lunched at her stomach and she squealed at my tickling. Her laugh was what I loved about her. She has blonde hair like her father. But she didn't know that. None of my children knew that their father was Thomas. 

We heard small footsteps coming. 

" Alice! You were supposed to play with me!" Adam called out childishly from the doorway. 

I motioned him to come near me and he did, without questions asked. I pulled both of them closer to a tight hug. I heard Alice complain to how tight it was. 

" I just want the two of you to know that mommy loves the both of you very very dearly." I softly said. 

There was a lingering moment of silence. I felt Alice rustled out from my grip and before I knew it, she was already on the floor and was standing in front of me. Her blue eyes were deep. Out of the twins, Alice looked a lot like her father. 

" What about Daddy? Don't you love him too?" she asked. I froze to that. I loved Thomas. Their real father. Not Winston. I didn't love him at all. 

I nodded. " I love Daddy too." 

Alice and Adam looked at each other and smiled. They held hands and looked at me. " We and Daddy love you too Mommy." 

That broke my heart. 

I watched them as they skipped happily out of the study room. I stood up from my chair and headed for the glass window behind me. I stared at the shore below. What have I gotten myself into, I asked myself. 

Six years had passed, and here I was, still thinking about such small matters. And in those six years, I didn't have the courage to run away with Thomas with our children. I wanted them to have a comfortable life here with the Walters. They could be given anything. I want my chilren to grow up without any mishaps and troubles at all. 

I want them to be happy. That's what mattered to me now. 

Even if I had to give up on my own.