Going Under

Chapter 17:

By the time we get to my place, my mom is at the kitchen cooking something I don't really bother to ask as I don't feel hungry at all. My father is no where to be found and I'm thankfull for that. I don't even ask where he is because it really doesn't matter to me anymore, I just walk to my room followed by Kyle. He leaves the small bag of clothes I had at the hospital even though I only was there for a couple of days, my mom insisted to bring me clean clothes so I could shower before I come home. 

"Are you okay?" he asks me when I sit on the edge of my bed. "Yes, thank you" I smile at him. Not very likely of me to thank people so sincerely and gladly, but he has done so much for me lately. I think if it wasn't for him, I'd probably be into a worst situation if not dead. Paul would have never realized I was so fucked up because he was nearly as fucked up as me, and my mom couldn't reach me in any way so I'm really thankfull for Kyle's help.

"Don't worry" he says without a hint of a smile and I start to find his behavior weird and pretty annoying, to be honest. He's being like this the whole time since I woke up, serious and dry. "Uhm, I... I better be going. I have homework and... you know, I have some work to do" he dismisses me, as if he needed to. I slowly nod at him and he comes closer to me and leans down to kiss my forehead once again, something I never really liked but I won't push him away now. 

"Thank you" I say again, staring at my feet when he's at the door walking out. "You already said that" he mumbles, glancing over his shoulder with a crooked smile and I finally see the real Kyle. 

A few minutes later I caught myself wandering around my bedroom. As I knew she would, my mom removed my shit away from here. My drawer is now out of cigarettes and I have no longer my weed rolls or my booze under my bed. She really did scan through my bedroom looking for every single piece of drug and I can't really complain right now. I wouldn't do anything like that for the next few days, of course. I still have the medication in my system and I'll have it for at least two weeks so I have to keep it clean so I won't go back to the hell of a hospital. 

"I had to..." I'm startled by a soft and quiet voice at the doorway. I turn around and see my mother is looking at me with caution, afraid that I will flip out at any moment. "You know, I had to take it away from you" she says with a crooked smile I pretend I don't see. 

"I know" I say, sitting back on my bed. "Are you okay?" she asks me. "I'm getting sick of people asking me if I'm okay. I'm completely fine, mom" I roll my eyes and she nods. "I was so worried about you..." she whines. No more crying, please. 

"Yea, I know mom" I should be sorry for her, or at least I should lie and say I'm sorry so she won't think I'm a robot without feelings, but maybe I am a robot. I don't feel sorry at all. I can't feel sorry for something that might happen again. Not the overdose, but the drinking and the drugs. That's what I do to escape from this fucked up world I live in, this fucked up house and family. I have to getaway somehow and this is where I found my escape. 

"Are you hungry? I made a chicken salad" she suggests but I fastly deny her. "I'm good, thanks" I say, laying down on my back and closing my eyes. "Okay then, I'll let you rest. I'll come back to remember you of your medication" she says and I nod at her before I hear the door being quietly closed. 

When I wake up I feel confused by the beam across my curtain. I reach for my phone on my night stand and remove it from its charger, checking the hour. It's eight in the morning, oh my god. I have an unseen text from Julie.

*You can take the week off, just get some rest. xoxo* it reads. Does she knows I had an overdose? Who told her I was in the hospital? I have the feeling Kyle did it. I don't know how he could, but he was the one to reschedule my interview so he could have done it too.