Sing For Me

A Day of firsts

................................. My darling, my sweet darling, the tears fall down my face as I here him open up to Freja I keep away so he cant see me but I can hear him, hear every word it breaks my heart to know how much pain he's in over his Mum I wish I could take it away from him but his consolation is right there lying in his arms she will give him the strength to face it with me there to fill in the rest. Yesterday was harsh it was nasty I never imagined that I could be like that never mind speak to him the way I did, I slapped him for God's sake but I had to shake him somehow for him to let all this out.

He's sensed that I'm here because he turns around wiping his face before I can see "Sweetheart" he says smiling I can see he's hurting "How long have you been standing there" he asks 

"Just got here now, I was worried I didn't know where you both were" I say walking into the conservatory to them 

"Sorry darling I didn't meant to worry you" I come and sit next to him on the sofa 

"Hey baby, you having a cwtch with Daddy hey" I say to Freja who is wide awake yet as quiet as a mouse 

"She's very good at cwtching" Ben says "Just like her Mum" and I smile at him 

"I was lonely in bed without you" I tell him "That's why I couldn't wait to come home I hate not being with you at night sweetie" I say to him 

"I hate it to sweetheart" he says he puts his arm out and I move underneath it as he pulls me in us all cuddled together I love how he has Freja under his dressing gown cuddled against his Grandad pyjamas although he'll tell you they are not of course, but they are and I love them they go so well with his old man slippers bless him as I giggle in my head.

"You'll be wanting a feed again soon my darling" I say to Freja "How long have you been down here" I ask him 

"Since about five, she was awake and didn't seem hungry so I thought I bring her down here to watch the sun come up" he says what a sweet thing not as sweet as the conversation I caught them having though, he can tell me if he wants to but I wont say a word, that was for him and him alone. "Do you feel up to going out today Sweetheart?" he asks me I'm a little unsure and he can see that "Just to the park with the kids to feed the ducks, for some fresh air" he says 

"I don't know Ben" I say 

"Go on darling just me you and the kids just for an hour or so it'll do you good, we have to go out sometime" he says smiling with those pleading eyes 

"OK then, but just for a while yeah" I say 

"Promise" he says as Freja starts to get grumpy, its that time again "Oh dear my darling are we starving you" Ben says to her "Are you OK with her darling" he asks me 

"Yeah fine" I say 

"I'll make us some tea yeah" he says getting up and kissing me on the head as he walks away I stop him 

"Ben" I call as he turns back to me "I love you" I say to him 

"I love you too sweetheart" he says.

It isn't long before the house is a bustling centre of chaos as it always is with Gran head of making the breakfast, I cant actually remember whether or not I've made breakfast in this house since we got here I certainly haven't got the hang of our brand new ray burn through lack of use, but this was Gran's bit this is what she loved to do. Dad had applied for a job at the Imperial war museum as a guide putting his military experience to good use, Ben had told him he didn't need to work but he insisted wanting to contribute. It wouldn't be long before Ben would have to go back to college his two works paternity leave gave him a little extra time taking him to the middle of September before he had to go back but that was still just over three weeks away part of me was dreading it him back to work, Riley back to school Ellie back to pre school, but I had Gran and Freja something tells me I wouldn't get board or lonely with these two out of pocket from the shopping trips maybe oh no I didn't get to pay did I, I swear Gran has a secret job with the government or something crazy because her pension surely cant met her spending habits. Perhaps shes a spy ha ha.