Sing For Me

Hello Baby

It was boring stuck all day in a hospital bed, but the doctors still wouldn't let me home as my blood pressure hadn't stabilized, it wasn't high it just kept going up and down, I missed Ben and the kids so much, that made me feel worse, every time I'd think about them Id get upset, Ben would bring them in to see me after school but it wasn't the same, not being able to bath them, read them a story and put them to bed every night, to see to Ben's supper, make his lunch box for work, iron his shirts, to be the wife and mother that I should be. They may seem like such simple things to some people so trivial but to me these things were everything, my purpose in life, I enjoyed them put care into them, here I felt useless.

We are due to have our twelve week scan today, Ben is going to come and we'll go together, I so wanted to see my baby, a piece of happiness in what had become one big nightmare. It had hit Ben hard I could see by him, but his need to be in control to be our protector meant he tried to hide it from me pretend it wasn't happening, he was his loving, caring self but there was a sadness in his eyes, his heart that I wish I could wash away.

My head is still sore from when I fell, I don't even remember banging it everything was such a blur but I caught it real nasty and now have a lovely big gash at my temple. Despite the confusion when I look back on it the one thing that was clear in my mind was her, Ben's mother. There had been no sign of her, as far as I know, what if she was still looking for us, maybe what I said had frightened her off, I hope so I don't want her coming back into Ben's life there was no place for her, he'd managed without her for this long, I didn't want our children having anything to do with her. One of the reasons that I didn't want to be here was what if she came here and found me, I need to be in my safe place our safe place.

I got myself dressed ready to go for the scan, fed up of being in my pyjamas all the time, put a bit of make up up to try and brighten my face up a little, the one side of my face was bruised, Ben hated seeing it he blamed himself for what had happened but I was slowly getting him to see that this was nonsense. I'm just brushing my hair taking care as my whole head is still aching and even brushing my hair is painful and Ben walks into my room, his beautiful face, that gorgeous smile taking away my troubles for a short time at least.

"Hey you" I say to him as he walks over to me 

"Hi sweetheart, how are you two doing?" he asks wrapping his arms around me, cupping my tiny little bump in his hands. 

"We are fine we are just missing you baby" he rubs his nose to mine 

"God I miss you too darling" he smells divine, stirring those old feelings in me I don't want to be here I want to be with my husband, 

"I want to come home sweetie" he gives a big sigh 

"Sweetheart you know what the doctor said, you need to rest" 

"I can rest at home Ben, surrounded by what makes me happy, I hate it here" he knows I'm not going to let it rest and he knows why, he knows where I need to be. 

"Lets have the scan done maybe Harry can advise you on what's best" I was hoping so, Harry knew about my history what happened with Matt included he might understand. "Are you ready?" he asks 

"Yeah" he is looking at me with those loving eyes that take me to another world 

"Then lets go and say hello to our baby" he says kissing me softly on the lips holding my face so gently so as not to hurt me. I grab my notes and Ben grabs my hand and we head for the maternity department.

"You OK sweetheart?" Ben asks he can sense my nervousness, I'm just anxious that the baby is OK after everything. I nod at him. 

"Can they tell?" he asks