Sing For Me

What do I need to know

I'm sat in the kitchen, in the dark with only the torch on my phone for light as I don't want to wake anyone, I've made a cup of tea and am currently dunking chocolate hobnobs into it, another of baby's favourites, I left Ben asleep, looking a little more peaceful now, we sat and talked for hours after everyone had gone to bed, yesterday was cruel, so cruel, Ben told me things that he had never told me about his mother, more of what she had done to him, life has a funny way of working things out for us, if she hadn't have turned up now then he would have never let all this stuff out to me, locked in his beautiful mind for ever slowly eating at him or rearing its ugly head triggered by events that were out of our control.

The more he spoke about her the more hate bubbled within me for her, like he had asked, what did she want, the thought that she came to me was watching me, feeling sick at the knowledge that I felt sorry for her before I knew who she was. I thought my mother was bad but Valerie made her look like a saint, there was this spite in me that made me want to hurt her, like she had never known, like she did to Ben. As if the burn and the beatings weren't bad enough, she would belittle him, put him down, make fun of him in front of her so called gentleman friends although I doubt there was any charm in them.

"Somebody hungry" a voice comes from behind me its Dad 

"Yeah, sorry Dad did I wake you?" hoping that other sofa wasn't too uncomfortable, he comes in 

"No lass, I've been awake for a little while now" he comes to sit at the table 

"Would you like some tea" he nods 

"Yes love thank you" I grab and mug and put the kettle on 

"So are you feeling better lovey, I was really worried, when Gran told me, you'd gone to hospital" I smile at him 

"Yeah I'm not too bad, they gave me some medication to keep things steady so it shouldn't happen again" I put down his mug offering him a biscuit 

"I don't want to deprive baby of these" he laughs 

"Oh I'm sure baby wont mind sharing with Grampa" he smiles as he takes one "It means so much to us that you came over Dad" he places his hand on mine 

"There was no stopping me darling, I suppose it was always there in the back of my mind that she would turn up one day, its just as time went on it seemed less likely, like she really didn't want to know." I look at him 

"What do you think she wants?" I ask him "I wish I knew love, but I tell you give me five minutes in a room with her and she'll wished she'd never bothered" we all feel the same about her, its awful that she makes a group of kind loving people turn nasty and spiteful because of what she is.

"I just want Ben to be OK" I tell him, getting upset again 

"Hey come on darling tears will upset that babby and we can't have that" he says grabbing me a tissue from the worktop "He will be fine, we had a long chat, he got a lot of stuff of his chest, I told him to speak to you, did he?" he asks 

"Yeah he did" I tell him 

"Good I'm glad, Look Lisa I think he wants to see her find out why she's come" I thought he might "He wants closure, from all this, and the only way he can do that is if he meets her, but he'll need your support" 

"Of course I will go with whatever he wants I just want this to be over" he taps my hand 

"So does he, he is willing to hear her out then send her packing" which seems fair 

"What if she doesn't come back again" I ask him 

"Oh she will love, I know her and she will" I want to ask