Sing For Me

Our little Jelly Bean

I feel so ill and so scared, I'm laying on the back seat of the car in Ben's arms. I can see he's worried which hurts me all the more. Please God don't let anything happen to our baby.  The snow has started again making the journey a nightmare "Dad hurry please" Ben says to him the fear and panic in his voice makes me want to cry 

"I'm going as quick as I can lad the roads are awful" he says back "Hang in there Lisa lovey we'll soon be there" he says to me looking at me through the drivers mirror. "Wrap that blanket around her Ben keep her warm I'll turn the heater up" he says cranking up the heater doing his best to make me feel better. 

I grab Ben's hand as he looks down at me "I love you Ben you know that don't you" I tell him 

"And I love you sweetheart everything's going to be fine darling" he says as I get another of those pains making me cry as he grips my hand tighter. 

We pull up outside A and E, Dad opens the door and he takes me from Ben "Come on lovey" allowing him to get out. "Get her in lad, I'll come and find you" I here him saying. Ben's grip on me is so tight. He runs through the doors

"Can someone help us please" he calls and a nurse comes running "It's my fiancée please she's pregnant but she's ill and she's having pains" she point's us in the direction of a cubicle and Ben puts me down on the bed. 

"The doctor will be with now my love OK" the nurse says trying to reassure me. 

I break down in tears again "Ben" he takes my hand 

"Hush my darling it's OK" he runs my hair from my face. "Whatever happens sweetheart, I love you, you know that" god this is killing me I nod at him he has tears in his eyes too. the curtain opens and the doctor walks in

"Lisa isn't it, don't worry we'll have a look at you and see what's going on OK" he does different checks and tests that seem to be taking forever. I tell him how sick I've been. "We will do an ultrasound and see how things are OK" willing him to just do it. "It'll be an internal one as it's difficult to detect baby so early on with the standard one" this panics me even more and Ben senses it. He leans down to me placing his forehead on mine

"I'm here sweetheart" and I don't know what I'd do If he wasn't.

I have to get undressed for the scan with Ben's help. Then lie back trying to prepare myself "Just relax Lisa and we'll soon be done" the doctor tells me. The image comes up on the screen but I can't look fear gripping me making me feel worse. 

I turn to Ben and he's crying but smiling too "Look Sweetheart, Look" he tells me I turn to the screen and spot this tiny little flashing spot 

"There's baby looking like a little jelly bean" the doctor says "If you look closely you can see the little heartbeat" I feel the tears flow down my face and feel one fall down my nose it's Ben's tear. "Everything is fine Lisa" the doctor says 

"So why am I feeling so ill?" I ask 

"You have a urine infection my dear which we will treat and I'm afraid you one of those unlucky mums that's going to have severe morning sickness" 

"But I didn't have it with my other two pregnancy's" I tell him 

"I'm afraid every pregnancy is different you're dehydrated and worn out, but we can give you antibiotics and something for the sickness so you don't feel quite so poorly" he prints out a picture of the scan, of our little jelly bean and gives it to Ben who hasn't stopped grinning yet.

He leaves us to get my prescription and for me to get dressed. As he closes the curtain Ben pulls me into him "Oh sweetheart" and he sobs into my shoulder 

"It's OK sweetie, it's OK" I tell him. He lifts his head and I wipe his tears. 

We both look at the scan "Our Baby" he says we just smile at each other so relieved 

"I love you Daddy" I say to him 

"And I love you and our little jelly bean" with that we hear Dad's voice so Ben goes to grab him. 

I put my trousers on as they come in "Look Dad" Ben says showing him the scan and his face lights up "Take a look at your grandchild" I tell him and that all is fine 

"Oh thank god you gave us a real fright there lovey" he leans down and gives me a kiss on my forehead. I felt guilty for that, this meant so much to them all 

"I'll go and ring Gran" he says heading back out giving Ben a pat on the back as he leaves.

The doctor comes back in with my tablets and some medication to bring my sugars back up "You need to rest Lisa, take it easy" but work I have to be back in three days I tell him 

"You are not going to work sweetheart not yet" Ben says 

"I can give you a sick note for your boss" the doctor tells me which has me outnumbered and I'm in no state to disagree.

I get myself sorted and we head out to the car park Ben refuses to let go of me which I don't really mind as I'm still unsteady. I didn't want to go through that again.
Dad goes to pay for the parking ticket and Ben puts me in the car. "I'm going to be wrapping you up in cotton wool from now on do you hear me" he says. He pulls my seat belt across me and comes to sit next to me in the back of the car. "Lisa the thought that we may have lost the baby frightened me" I could see that 

"Me too" he seems in a hurry to speak 

"I don't want to wait, I want us to get married as soon as possible" he's serious now "We can just slip away and do it sweetheart, just me and you, then we'll tell the world" I start to stutter "Just say you will" I cant argue with him 

"You know I will" and before I can say anymore I'm lost in one of his kisses completely lost.