Sing For Me

Nightmares and Nasty Men

Ben's Point of view

I hear a little whimper over the baby monitor from the kids room, Lisa is fast asleep so I head into their room not wanting to disturb her. Riley is sat up in bed rubbing his eyes. "What's the matter matey?" I whisper not wanting to wake Ellie. 

"The nasty man Daddy" he says, he's clearly had a nightmare 

"Did you have a bad dream darling?" I ask him and he nods. I sit on the edge of his bed and bring him onto my lap wrapping his blanket round him. He's sobbing but quietly I feel his little chest grabbing each breath, he's really upset. "Its OK my little soldier, Daddy's here" I tell him stroking his head to calm him, he's hot and sweating. 

"It was scary Daddy" he whispers. 

"Lets go and get you some warm milk that'll make it better yeah" he nods and I carry him to the kitchen and put him to sit at the table as I heat some milk in the microwave for him. He sits on the chair with his little knees up against his chest the same as his mother does when she is afraid of something. I give him his milk in his Lightening McQueen mug his favourite and make myself a tea while he drinks. "That better little man" I ask and he nods while slurping away at it making me smile.

I sit down with him "What happened in your dream matey do you remember" he looks at me 

"The nasty man was catching me Daddy" 

"Who was he do you know" he shakes his head at me 

"There was a nasty man at my old house" he says "With me, and Mummy and Ellie too" who is he talking about Matt but how does he remember "He made Mummy cry" it has to be him 

"Do you remember him Riley?" I ask afraid almost of what he will say. 

"He shouted and got cross" I suddenly get very protective 

"Do you know who he was" and he looked at me with a determined face 

"The nasty man" that's the only name he had for him. 

"OK darling its OK" I'm amazed he still recalls it, not only did the bastard abandon his son but he's left him with a memory of him and not a good one. With every passing day and every bit of hurt that comes out of my darlings because of him makes me want to murder him with my bare hands.

"He wont come and get me will he Daddy" oh my boy I pick him up 

"No Riley I wont let him I promise Daddy will keep you safe, you Ellie and Mummy" he looks better 

"And Mummy's baby" I smile 

"And Mummy's baby" he starts playing with my ear as he does when he's tired 

"Come on lets get you back to bed" I tuck him in and kiss him goodnight 

"I love you Daddy" he says 

"And I love you too Matey and Daddy will always be here to look after you and chase away all the nasty men" I say tickling him. "Night night Son" I close the door gently allowing him to drift off.

I take my tea to the living room I cant sleep after that. Our Wedding Photos that Dad had printed were on the table, I glance over them Lisa looks so happy in them and so beautiful we all do a proper family, my wife and children my favourite had to be the four of us having a confetti fight in the garden Riley and Ellie's faces were a picture. I'd be damned if I was going to let a single person take this from me, If there was any chance that him or my dear mother in law were to show up I would take them away make a life somewhere they couldn't find us anything to keep them from being hurt.

"Ben" I hear Lisa call from the hall 

"In here darling" I call to her, 

"What you doing in here, are you OK" she comes and sits next to me 

"Yeah I'm fine Riley woke up, bad dream and so I went to see to him she looks worried 

"Is he OK?" I cant tell her what he said but I know I should 

"He spoke about Matt Darling" she goes pale at the mention of his name getting restless "The nasty man he called him" this didn't surprise her 

"That's what he used to call him after........." she hesitates 

"After what?" she cant look at me surely there isn't more that she couldn't tell me

"Tell me Sweetheart" she looks up 

"Riley saw him loose his temper one night, Matt went to lash out at him I couldn't let him touch my baby, I put myself in the way and................he hit me in front of him" there are no words that can describe the anger in me that sick feeling, the bile rising taking over me. "But it wasn't the first time he used to hit me a lot but Riley never saw" she says she doesn't cry when she tells me its as if she cant

"It was the day before I went into labour with Ellie" now I'm seething 

"He hit you while you were pregnant?" I ask not raising my voice I couldn't let her take my disgust for him. 

"I'd started having pains and told him which was what started the row, caused him to flip just because Riley asked me why I was crying" I stand up and walk to the mantle piece "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it was just another thing that made me feel abused, useless, unworthy, all the things you knew I already felt Ben, please don't hate me" her words eat at me I feel my eyes sting. I turn to her 

"I don't hate you sweetheart, I hate him" I come back and sit next to her 

"Riley never mentioned it again he just stopped calling him Daddy barely spoke to him, we never saw him he would be out drinking all day and night, before he buggered off"

I look into her eyes what she must have felt the pain the hit causes, the pain it gave her inside, I know how she feels I've been there. "He doesn't deserve to breath Lis not only did he hurt you but he was willing to hurt Riley and his unborn child" she puts her nose to mine 

"I survived it was that day that I made Riley and Ellie my priority, Dad had Riley when I was in hospital and after I had Ellie I started putting money away where Matt wouldn't find it, when he started checking bank statements I'd skip lunch at work and keep the money in my purse, sold some of my clothes and things on eBay stuff like that" she was so brave after everything he'd done she stayed strong determined to get away.

"Dad would take Riley out of nursery here and there and keep money in a jar in his house, I told him it was a holiday fund" hearing her tell me all this just makes me love her with more power than I could handle "But then when he raped me and fled I kept saving I wanted to get away take Riley and Ellie from any reminder of him, wipe him out of their lives" She seems different when she tells me these things, this was something she had been in control of that she had done herself making me swell with pride."I never heard Riley say Daddy again until he asked you to be his Dad" he chose me, I was the father he wanted.

"They were my world my reason to get up in the morning nothing came close to them, until I met you" 

"Oh sweetheart I wish I could wipe it all away from you" she runs her thumbs under my eyes 

"You have" she says 

"Is there anything else sweetheart really?" she look at me shaking her head and I know she is telling the truth, everything he did out in the open, nothing she couldn't let go of anymore 

"Sweetie your tired and you've got work tomorrow, come on bed" I suddenly do feel drained we head off to bed and as I do every night I take her in my arms and protect her from the world and its demons, its nasty men.

"Please say your not upset with me Sweetie?" she asks 

"No darling I'm not I never could be, from the first day we met there were things in that pretty little head of yours that would come out when you were ready to share them" and now she had I had to turn it all around make what was once sour into something sweet for her "I want you to enjoy being Pregnant sweetheart not be full of fear" she smiles her eyes glaze over "It will be the experience you deserve the appointments and scans something to look forward to we can go to antenatal classes if you like anything you need, and for all the parts that are not so much fun I'll be there to coax you through" I brush her cheek removing her tears "And when this little one decides to say hello I will be at your side darling I swear, we will do it together" now she's crying but they are tears of happiness not the sadness that she had carried for so long.