Chapter • 56

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Holly's POV

A.n Could be triggering?!

After swimming we all went back to our room and Cam and I decided on watching Divergent.

Once the film had finished I decided I wanted a shower so I went into the bathroom locking it behind me and got undressed, I looked in the mirror and all I saw was fat. I walked away and stepped into the shower not wanting to look at my body any longer, I washed my body and hair and then I sat down and began to cry.

How had I let myself eat so much?

I reached for my wash bag and pulled out my razor. I cut my left arm multiple times on my wrist and arm.

It didn't make me feel better so I repeated it on my right. I let both my arms bleed and bleed until I felt weak and shaky. I put them under the water and let it wash the blood away. I turned off the shower and stepped out, after I had dried myself I put on my pyjamas and put my razor back in my wash bag so Cam wouldn't suspect anything. Once changed I brushed my teeth and cleaned off the makeup that was now smudged and running down my face. Before leaving the bathroom I took one last look in the mirror and promised myself I wouldn't eat anything the next day.

I walked quickly back into the bedroom and got into bed, Cameron was sitting on his bed wearing just his boxers.

"I'm gunna go brush my teeth"

I nodded and pulled the duvet over myself before falling asleep.

I woke up the next morning to Cam shaking me awake, I didn't feel like getting out of bed but I knew I had to. Today was the last day of Magcon and Cameron wouldn't let me stay here by myself. I groaned and sat up, my head was hurting and so were my arms. I swung my legs out of the bed and slowly stood up, I walked over to my suitcase and pulled out black skinny jeans and a grey sweater, to be honest I was probably going to be boiling but I had to hide my arms. I went into the bathroom got dressed, did my make up and hair before brushing my teeth and looking around to see if I could find anything that would help my headache go away. Then I had an idea. I could pretend to be sick and then I wouldn't have to eat, I mentally applauded myself for my great idea.

"Hey Cam?"

"Yes Holl?"

"Do you have any Advil or anything?"

"Umm yeah I do why?"

"I don't feel well"

Cam walked into the room and handed me the Advil and bottle of water, I took them from him and put the medicine in my mouth before swallowing it with a mouthful of water. I turned to smile at him but he had a frown on his face.

"Whats wrong?" He crosses his arms against his chest.

"I have a massive headache, I feel sick, I'm freezing cold but sweating and my stomach hurts"

He immediately pressed his hand to my forehead and nodded. I was pretty hot, I guess it was the jumper.

"Come on we need to get breakfast"

"I don't want anything"

"But I need you to eat Holly"

"But I'll be sick and I don't want to be"

"Do you really feel that bad?"

I nodded my head and he sighed

"Well come on then, I need breakfast"

I followed him out of the room closing the door behind us and walked down the corridor towards the hotels restaurant. we sat down at a table with just the two Jacks and Taylor, I couldn't see anyone else. The boys ordered their food and I put my head in my hands, I could feel someone watching my which made me feel uncomfortable so I looked up to see Jack G sitting opposite me and staring.

"hey" It came out croaky but I didn't care, I was supposed to be 'ill'.

"No food?"

"I'm not feeling great" I shrugged

"Oh"

I'm glad he didn't push it any further but I knew he wasn't going to stop keeping an eye on me. The boys food all came and they had all ordered massive cooked breakfasts which made me feel sick. Watching them and looking at the grease from the bacon etc made me feel as if I were going to be sick.

"Cam where's the toilet?"

"Over there do you want me to come?" He pointed to sign in the corner that had the toilet sign.

I shook my head and walked quickly towards them. Once in the toilets I immediately locked myself into a cubicle and leaned over the toilet, I gag a few times before throwing up what I had eaten the previous day. I began to cry and shake, I felt horrible and I wanted to go home. I don't know why I'd just been sick but I wished I hadn't I wanted Cam.

I flushed the toilet and unlocked the door. I gathered myself together before walking back out into the restaurant which immediately made me feel sicker. I walked back over to the table to find the boys had all finished and were waiting to pay.

"Woah Holly are you alright?" Cam stood up walked towards me

"I really don't feel well Cam, can we go?"

He nodded "Guys here's the money for mine, Holly and I are going to wait outside"

Jack looked up at me confused and the others just nodded.

We walked out together in silence and out into the fresh air which made me feel 10 times better.

"What's wrong? Were you sick?"

I nodded and began to cry again. Cam hugged me and I hugged back.

After a while the rest of them came out and we walked to the car.

"Will you be ok in the car?"

"I hope so"

"Ok tell me if you feel sick"

I nodded and we all got into the car.

"So what's wrong with you?" I looked over at Taylor and shrugged.

"She's sick" Cam said before doing his seatbelt up.

I tried to sleep in the car but failed. But luckily we reached the venue and I felt better.

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