Chapter • 61

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Holly's POV

We exited the large hall and out into the hotel lobby. I looked at Calum in the light and realised that he looked slightly older but in that moment I didn't care.

"So what do you wanna do?"

I looked up at him

"Ummm something that will make me feel alive"

He smiled and nodded.

"Okay! come with me"

He took my hand and started to run, I ran along side him and he started to laugh and so did I. We got into the lift and took it o the very top floor where he used his key to open what I was guessing was his hotel room. He lead me inside and I sat down on the bed while he went over to a small plain black backpack, he rummaged around until he pulled out a large bottle of vodka. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

I was 14. I had never drunk in my life but that was only because I hadn't had the chance before. He unscrewed the lid and took a large swig...his face scrunched up while he swallowed it. He passed me the bottle

"Here"

I took it and copied his action. We repeated this a few times until the room began to spin and the lights went fuzzy. By this time neither of us cared about anything and we were both laughing hysterically.

"Come with me!"

He jumped to his feet and left the room. I dragged myself off the floor and attempted to run after him.
We made our way to the hotel roof. Once on the roof we ran around for a bit laughing and smiling. I felt so care free and happy for once in my life.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I draped my hands over his shoulders. We smiled at each other and he leaned in and kissed me. I ran my hands through his hair and took in his great smell while his hands rubbed my back and waist. I never knew I could feel like this. I felt so good!

After a while I came down from the high the alcohol had given me and I began to crash back down to reality. I was currently sitting next to Calum leaning on his shoulder, we were sitting in silence but it wasn't awkward it was a nice silence. I was thinking about my life and how I had messed a lot of it up and how ill I had made myself. What was I doing? I began to cry.

"Hey? what's wrong?"

I sat up and began to sob and pull at my hair.

"Hey hey hey! stop"
He grabbed both my wrists and realised how both of my wrist were littered in scars.

I completely broke down and told him everything, I told him about my self harm and about my eating. After that I fell asleep on his lap while he hugged me.

I suddenly awoke to hear my phone ringing. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. It was Cameron.

"Where are you?"

"I'm coming back now"

"It's late and we have a flight tomorrow!"

"I know, I know! Sorry"

"Okay, see you in a minute"

" Yeah bye"

"Bye"

I hung up and sighed. How long had I been here?
Well long enough for me to sober up, I looked over to see Calum still asleep. I thought about waking him but then I thought about my drunk realisation. Today was the day I was going to leave the past in the past and recover! And that meant I needed to leave and forget tonight.

I looked down at him and sighed. I stood and gently kissed him on the forehead. As I walked towards the door leading out onto the roof I found a rock, I decided to write Calum a message.

'To Calum,
Thank you for tonight it was amazing. I had to leave without saying goodbye because it's time for me to leave the past in the past and get better. I hope you understand :)

From
Holly x'

I quietly walked away and back to my hotel room where I found Cameron sitting in bed. We exchanged a hello and smile before I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I got into bed and closed my eyes to sleep.

Cameron's POV

I woke up to my alarm. It was 7am, Holly and I were catching a flight at 11am. We had packed before the party and were planning on having breakfast with the other boys at 8am. I woke Holly up so we could shower and pack the last few things.

At 8am we went down to breakfast and something seemed different with Holly but I couldn't quite work it out.

Holly's POV

I sat at the breakfast table staring at the blueberry pancakes I had ordered. I sighed. NO I wasn't going to let my eating disorder win. I am Holly and I can eat again! Who cares if I don't have a thigh gap! Food is fuel! And I deserve to be healthy and happy!

So I picked up my knife and fork and ate. I finished half but that's as much as I can do right now. It will take time but I will recover I told myself.

Cameron and I collected our bags from lobby and made our way outside to the taxi. The boys hugged us we said our goodbyes. Cam climbed into the car and I took one last look at the hotel, this is where I am leaving my problems. I saw Calum standing by the automatic doors smiling at me, I made eye contact and I smiled back. He gave me thumbs up and walked back inside the hotel, I looked at the rest of the boys and smiled. I went over to Jack Gilinsky and hugged him

"Than you!"
He looked down at me smiled.

I climbed into the car and shut the door behind me. This is where I get better and when I get home I'm going to our parents and I'm going to get help. I leant my head on Cams shoulder and fell asleep as we drove to the airport.

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THAT'S IT! FINISHED! I HOPE YOU LIKED IT!

Authors note:

Than you so much to everyone who has ever read this story and voted for it! Thank you! I may write a 5sos fanfic sometime in the future but don't hold me to that! I have enjoyed writing this story and I'm sad to have ended it but I think it's best as I am very limited for time at the moment which is why I hardly ever update.

In this chapter I don't want people to think that this is how easy recovery is because it's certainly not! After 2 years of self harm and 1 and a 1/2 years of an eating disorder only now I am staring to recover. I am currently 2 months clean and eating 3 full meals a day, I am no longer underweight and I can stay clean for longer than 12 hours 😔

RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE HOWEVER YOU HAVE TO CHOSE TO RECOVER, HAVING PEOPLE TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO RECOVER DOESN'T HELP! YOU MAKE THE DECISION! I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS BUT YOU HAVE TO IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET BETTER. I CONVINCED MYSELF A YEAR AGO I COULD RECOVER BG MYSELF BUT INSTEAD I JUST GOT SICKER.

Everybody is perfect in their own individual way! who cares if you don't have a thigh gap! who cares if your stomach isn't flat! who cares how much you weigh! as long as you are happy that's all that matters!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

If you want me to do a Q&A type thing leave a question and I will answer them! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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