Orders | Levi Ackerman

38• I am me

- Mia's POV -

" Do you what you want. " He says, and I completely lose it.

" No - no. " I say, instead of the sadness that had filled me, it's now anger taking its place.

" You can't just do that! " I yell, walking up to Levi. He raises an eyebrow at me, but I dismiss it.

" don't do this. Don't do this to me. " I beg, my breathing beginning to grow more rapid by the second. " Dont you get that I love you!" I yell, slamming my fist onto his chest.

" Mia- " I cut him off, finally giving in to my darkness. " Look - I get that it's easier to act like this doesn't matter, that you don't care but please - for crying out loud, don't act like what I did, didn't hurt you! " I cry, though my voice is being guided by rage, what I say, is none other than the truth. Yes, I'm hurt that he broke up with me, but If anything - I'm even more hurt about how uncaring he is about it, even though I know that he's hurting, I just don't get why he won't show it.

" God sake Levi, I love you! " I yell,hitting him again. " Just - " he tries to speak again, but i shove him backwards " I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, do you understand that?! " I wail.

" before.. I never thought that I could EVER love someone and then I met you Levi, and it felt like everything was going to be Okay. " I say, tears turning my eyes glassy. " And its all my fault that I fucked it up, but please levi - don't do this. "

" Mia. " He says, I look up to him but find it hard to even properly see him through the tears.

" It's better this way. "  I gasp at his response, and hit him again on his shoulder.

" Don't lie to me, Levi! " I cry, " don't tell me that you don't love me. Don't tell me that you aren't upset with me! "

" I won't. " I stop hitting him and freeze, I didn't expect him to actually say something, especially something that answers what I said.

" Levi, I'm sorry. " I say, growing solemn.

" I know. "

" do you hate me? " I ask, drawing closer to him so our chests touch.

I look up into his eyes, awaiting a response, but instead all I see in his clouded eyes is nothing but hurt. " I could never hate you. "

But yet what he said did. I broke his trust, by hurting him, it hurt me. 

" We should head back to the castle. " I frown at how quickly he changes the subject.

" I'm not going back inside. " I say, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt.

" Okay. " he tries to walk away, but my grip remains firm.

" Levi, I really am sorry. " i apologize again, but I feel his walls building up again and myself slowly losing him.

" I know. "

" are we still... together? " I ask, a bad feeling began to brew in my stomach but still a slight light of hope shined of the mere possibility that we'd be okay.

" No. "

I feel hollow, as though that one word is enough to utterly empty me. I try to breath but i fail, it feels like there are bricks on my chests and every where I look is darkness - pure and utter darkness. I grew up in deep fear of the shadows that loomed in the night so I always made sure to carry a candle - my light, to guide me out the night but what do I do, when I become the darkness? What do I do, when my deepest fear becomes my life?

I attempt to open my mouth, to say something -anything, but my mouth feels dry and my mind has come to a halt as I'm unable to say or think of anything. I thought I'd be hurt, but instead.. I don't feel anything at all.