Bad Company

Chapter 32: The Worst Part of You, ...Is Me.

"The fuck are ya doin'? You're pregnant." Billy hissed.

"Oh fuck off! You didn't care about me being pregnant a month ago when you screamed at me and shoved me around!" I shouted back.

My lip began to quiver as I watched Billy stand there with an emotionless facial expression. He didn't seem mad at me for what I had just done, he didn't seem happy to see me after all this time, didn't seem fazed that I was crying, he didn't appear to be anything besides empty. He wasn't the smart ass, moody Billy that I had fallen in love with. Now he was someone else, revamped by tragedy and cold as the only motive he appeared to have was revenge.

Tears ran down my face, probably bringing mascara with it. He just stood there, staring at me blankly as if I wasn't even there. A lump formed in my throat, my mouth became dry, my body was trembling in anger and he didn't care at all. I know I'm not innocent - given the fact I just got back from making out with Charlie at his house - but I was genuinely hurt over catching Billy with Jennifer. Not that they were doing anything besides drinking, but given our past - I'm pissed. Clearly the feelings I thought I no longer felt for Billy... were still there.

"I'm pregnant with your... BABY!" I howled, ugly crying. "You piece of shit!" I spat, gasping for air from bawling so hard.

"HOW COULD YOU TREAT ME HOW YOU DID THE NIGHT I TOLD YOU?!"

I pounded on Billy's chest, bawling uncontrollably as he tried to wrap his arms around me. I was surprised he was allowing me to hit him as much as I was, "You liar! You said, you.. you said you protect what's yours!" I sobbed dramatically, refraining from hitting him anymore and instead just falling against his chest in defeat.

"I'm sorry about that, Amber. But... that happened because I'm no longer who I use to be." Billy stated calmly.

Growling in annoyance, I pushed myself back away from him, "YOU'RE A LYING PIECE OF SHIT! You can't keep making excuses! YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS PROT-"

"I AM!" Billy roared, silencing me mid-sentence.

His nostrils were flared, his chest was heaving in and out and to say that he looked pissed off would be an understatement. At least he was finally showing some sort of emotion. Sniffling, I carelessly wiped away running mascara and stared at him in disbelief, shaking my head slightly.

"HOW?!" I screamed, "You're too busy hanging around with that fucking whore!"

Billy raised his eyebrows as he let out a laugh of disbelieve, "From what I hear, you're up in her category. Does this guy Baggy saw you with, know that you're pregnant and fuckin' him?"

My jaw clenched and without realizing what I was doing, I brought my arm up and slapped Billy across the face as hard as I could. Billy narrowed his eyes, face stricken with rage as he lunged for me, grabbing my upper arm roughly and pulling me against his chest.

"You wanna fuckin' know why I ain't going around you?" He asked in a harsh, hushed whisper. "I stabbed one of the mother fuckers who killed Joe, in the chest a few days ago. You know why I stabbed him? Because they killed the only family I had left."

"They started a war that I'm going to finish." Billy stated firmly. "You and my kid are the only ones I have left, use your fucking head once in awhile and you'd realize why I'm keeping you out of sight." He added, releasing the grip he had around my arm and shoving me back away from his slightly.

"It's for your own good, you stupid bitch."

"But I love you." I sniffled. "Why do you have to do this?! You could get ki-"

"THIS IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS." He screamed, spit flying from the corners of his mouth. "They're all gonna fuckin' pay."

He snorted hard, clicking his jaw to the side, "This is the life I live. It's never gonna change."

"Please Billy... we could go away... we could leave this life." I cried pathetically.

"We could start new..."

Billy became tense, sighing loudly before making eye contact with me, "I can't."

"Well..." I whispered, staring down at my one heel and my one shoeless foot, "I can't wait around to find out if you live through this or not.... I'm sorry."

Billy nodded slowly and placed his hand on the back of my neck, pulling our foreheads together. I shut my eyes and let the tears flow freely from the corners of my eyes. I felt Billy gently kiss my forehead before resting his forehead against mine again, "I love ya more than anything."

Sniffling, I stared up at him and shook my head, "Not enough to leave this life for me though..."

Billy sighed through his nose and frowned, "I told ya that ya weren't cut out to be involved in this life."

"I guess you were right...." I whispered softly.

Billy pressed his tongue against his cheek before cupping my face and crashing his lips against mine roughly, kissing me as if he was never going to get the chance to ever kiss me again. Little did I know it was because tomorrow is the day him and his boys going after one of B-street's members. Tommy had found out where one of them work during the day, giving Billy and his boys that window they needed.

"Amber?! What the hell?! Did she hurt you?! What the fuck were you thinking?!" Christy scolded, storming out of the bar.

"-How dumb can you be?" Christy asked, before noticing Billy standing in front of me.

Billy glanced at me for a moment before staring over at Christy and nodding his head up at her, acknowledging her presence. She folded her arms across her chest uncomfortably, trying her hardest not to look him in the eye as he stepped back away from me and casually walked back towards the bar entrance.

My world felt like it had just been turned upside down. As soon as I heard the bar doors slammed behind Billy, I instantly buried my face in my hands and started to cry hysterically. Christy had to wrap her arms around me and lead me to her car.

I've never experienced heartbreak before, but I'd imagine this is what it feels like.