Born to be a slave.

53

I have decided to avoid Edmund at all costs. It was not a wise idea to go and see him and bring him tea those days ago. Seems like, just my presence makes him mad and loose control over minute of details. I believe, he never meant the things he said. It felt, as if he wants to scare me, make me so afraid of him and his words, that I would never want to see or face him again. But this is not a reason I am staying away. I see Edmund going through  emotions, which are difficult for him to handle. I do not want to trigger them. With my absence, I hope he will grow calmer. It hurts to see him turn into a person, who my Master is not, deep in his heart.

Every member of staff have gone to their beds. The sky is dark outside, few stars dot the black nothingness above. It is little bit cold, but if I hurry, in no time, I will be in my warm bed. It is located in a quiet corner of the servants house with nothing much in it, but it is more than enough for me. I have a bed. Fiona insisted for me to have one, but it couldn't be compared with a bed of my Master – soft, warm and almost as big as my current room.

The wind is swaying few bushes in the yard, making scarry shadows, which seem to crawl along the walls. One suppose to feel safe in this large property, but I don't. 

I run up to my door and shut it. It is such a relief to feel the warmth of home. Summer is going to an end and nights are getting much cooler. 

I am too eager to get rid of my dress and put on my nightgown and get in bed as fast as possible, as tiredness holds on to my bones.

Just mere minutes after, I nearly jumped out of my nightwear, as the door shut with a loud thud behind me. 

My legs almost gave out, when I saw Edmund with a stare, like I had done something very bad. 

"Edmund.... why are you here?"

His focused gaze made me feel unnerving.

"Why? I came to check on my property. Am I not allowed to do it?"

"Depends of what you consider a property." I didn't like his subtle implications.

Remember, you are still mine."

Edmund grinned.

"I hope you haven't forgotten about your debt. I am here to.... collect it."

He couldn't be serious. I thought those were just words to scare me, to make and see me frightened. I desperately wanted to think, that it is another of his games, in which he just makes  fun of me.

"N...No.... Edmund!" It felt like I have lost my voice, when it came out as only a whisper.

I had no time to do anything, when he came and put himself in front of me, so close, I could feel his body heat and his characteristic scent. Before his eyes hold mischievous expression, but now, there was nothing. His face matched the calmness of his gaze. I was paralyzed.

"Are you afraid?" Edmund asked quietly.

I couldn't get a courage to look up at him. Suddenly his hands got hold on my sides, his grasp was firm and I felt his thumb graze along the side of my breast. If I would be many years younger, his gesture would look innocent, a sight of an adult picking up it's child. But here, this was not the case and his touch was different too. He shook my body one time.

"Do you fear me?"

"Yes.... you scare me, Edmund...." I felt my lip quiver. "....this side of you sca..."

I could not say a single word, when he leaned even closer and kissed me. It was strong and filled with passion. Edmund's hands coiled stronger around me, my breathing stopped and it felt like my heart too. Butterflies in my stomach could not calm down. Feelings and emotions were so intense, I wanted to get out of my skin. I couldn't control the reaction of my body, I shivered, but didn't know why. From fear of Edmund? His close position to me or the fact he have kissed me?  I felt so confused. 

He left my lips and traveled along the line of my jaw and over my neck - breathless and like a hungry beast ready to devour me. How far will this act of his go? I feared for the worst. I didn't want to be used, looked down upon and treated like scum, just because he have taken me. I will have no life in eyes of other people. Me, who have not been married, with no husband, sleeping around with men.... I am satisfied with any kind of life or work, but this type of route for my future I wish to never see. The worst would be to take that kind of place in Edmund's eyes, it would hurt me, if he is to see me just, as an object for his pleasures and nothing else.

I wished him to stop. He didn't. Edmund hands traveled along the length of my body, while his lips tasted the soft skin on my neck. My Master was glued to my form, I could not get my hands in between or push him away, but it didn't discourage me from trying more. 

"Edmund.....please....stop..." I began to sob. "Let me go....., just please..... let....me...."

He didn't hear me or just didn't want to hear my pleading words. Then, like out of mind consuming dream, he said in my ear, his voice - a low whisper.

"Say... that you hate me! Say it, Thea!"

Edmund have lost his mind. What kind of person would beg to hear such words?

"No......no....I." My voice hitched, when I felt his teasing bite.

"I want to hear it, how much you hate me...."

"I... don't hate you, Edmund."

My Master suddenly stopped, stepped back and gave me a look, like I have said the most insane thing ever.

"Yes, I am scared and frightened of this person you have become, but I don't hate you and never will."

"Don't say you feel nothing for people who hurt you."

"Do you know, how many people had done bad things to me, had beaten me, bullied and so much more? If I hated every single one of them, nothing would be left of me. Hatred would eat me alive. What kind of person I would become then? I don't want to be consumed by this ugly emotion."

I watched as his face expression didn't change, but something in his eyes did. I saw a small glimmer of light, but as quick as it came, it was gone seconds after. Maybe the low light of lamp was playing tricks on me.

"Why do you hate the world so much, Edmund? Why do you hate everybody? What is happening to you?" 

He came back to me, his previous expression wiped clean off , his stare set hard on me.

"It is not your business, Thea. Also, don't walk around in the dark, next time I see you, I might hurt you much worse, than I intended tonight. ... Stay away from me."

And just like how he came, he disappeared, closing the door with a loud thud. He was mad, clearly about things I said.

I let my tears fall free. It pained me to see him in such state, consumed by anger and hatred for unknown reasons. I wish to know, what is going inside of him, why he does all these nasty things to me, what bothers him? What makes him so unhappy? 

If only he would let me inside his heart and troubled mind.... I would do anything to ease his pain and help....