Born to be a slave.

31

Over the years my life have grown harder. I never received a response back from Edmund. For very long, I wondered, what happened to a letter we wrote, but now all of it is forgotten and buried deep inside my memory. 

I could write another one, as Nicolas once showed me how to write. I practiced by myself in a dark hours of the night, when I was free of Martha's watchful eyes. I am thinking, maybe Edmund just did not chose to send a letter back to me? After all, I feel like I have never been so important to him, as he have always been to me. It makes me sad. I should not feel this way, I should not expect any kind of affectionate behavior from him. He is my master, my owner, I am just an 'animal' to him, to most of the people.

A distant memory popped in to my mind, which oddly made me crack a tiny smile. Edmund told me, I will be his pet at my first day here. Now that word just sounds so cute and innocent, not like then, when I was so young and afraid.

I am no longer a pet in this house, but a slave to it's full extent and meaning. 

My work have been hard and at some instances even unbearable. Martha enjoys torturing me, whenever she is getting a chance. I do my work well and try hard to finish her given tasks in time. If I wouldn't, she would be more on to me, than it is now. There are times I slip away, just to get some time for reading and my other studies. Martha have not caught me yet. I feel glad. I have been doing a bad job at tasks Edmund left me. I haven't been in his room for ages, no time for visiting Storm and also not enough work put in to books these days.

My stomach hurts. I have not eaten well. Sometimes I don't receive food at all and it starts to affect my work performance. Whenever Fiona has a chance, she gives me some scraps, which are easier to deliver me. I long for a filling meal made of tender meat and fresh, succulent vegetables and something sweet in the end to satisfy my hunger. It feels like an unattainable dream. Edmund should have never treated me with the food of his standards, so that now I would be satisfied with low quality meals, as I would have never experienced the taste of something better.

Today I have chosen to abandon my life in a house, to go and see his maniac horse, James, maybe Harry. And hopefully find something to eat at the stables, where Martha is not watching me. 

The day is sunny and it warms up the yard of servants to a blissful temperature. In order to get out of the house, I have to go through , where I hope not to see Martha. Upon stepping on the steps coming from a garden, I see her form. Martha is not looking at me, as she is busy enjoying a confectionery from a tiny box in her hands.

Finally as I get out of the mansion, I fill my lungs with an air of freedom. Even it is for just an hour or too. Better than feeling that suffocating sensation in my chest constantly. Grass under my feet is soft and a day reminds me so much of a time I first walked this path. In the end of it Storm is waiting for me. I hope he still remembers who I am. 

The characteristic smell of hay and  dung finds it's way in to my nose. As closer I am getting, the more nervousness I feel, but it is not that of unpleasant anticipation, rather the kind of unknown excitement.

Heads of the horses stick out of their stalls, every one of them eyeing me curiously. 

Then I see a box filled with fresh carrots and a bucket containing dry bread. My stomach rumbles again. I want to eat so much, like never in my life. My eyes draw near food once again. I know it is meant for animals, but ..... at the same time those were remains of our food once. I take a look around to see, if nobody is in sight. It would be a shame to get caught in such position - so low, that I am forced to eat scraps.

As my fingers touch the dry loaf, I realize how hard it is, almost like a stone, but it will do for now. As long as something is filling my body until the next remnants of the food. It fills my mouth with crumbles and it feels amazing. I had never appreciated food so much, as I do now. I even let out a moan of satisfaction.

"Thea? What are you doing? ........ No, no, no. Drop it. Come on! Whats wrong with you?" 

I turn around and see James running up to me. A bread is still near my lips and only, when he have reached me, I attempt to hide it, but seems he already saw, what was happening.  Total embarrassment takes over me and few tears leave my eyes.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to..... steal it. I just...." I could feel my heart break.

"What are you talking about? Steal? I am not about that.... Why are you eating this rubbish, Thea?" There was a sincere worry in stable boy's eyes.

"I.... I...." I looked up in to his face, my eyes still teary and ready to spill more. "I was hungry.... very hungry." I couldn't take it anymore and covered my face - shielded it away from a look James was giving me.

"Thea...... Come, sit down. I will bring you something better. .... and don't cry, everything will be fine."

He sat me down on a medium sized block of hay. I saw no one in my sight and let my tears fall free. It hurt so much. The feeling of realization, that those tiny moments of peace and times of plenty are long gone. I am back were I was before. At my miserable life.

Between my sobs I hear a low rumbling coming from somewhere near me. It is a horse, I know it, but when my eyes come up, I see two dark eyes watching me, as it continues to lowly nicker. It is Storm. His looks have not changed at all in years, only now he appears much calmer, that I remember him being all the times before. Seeing this animal here after such long time makes me feel even worse. I have left him alone, even though I was ordered to take care of him. I did nothing in his good. 

I sob for a while blocking out all the sounds, wanting to be alone and invisible to everyone around. I hear footsteps and my guess it might be James. I don't bother to look up. I see his feet in front of me, slightly blurry. He is just standing and saying nothing. Does he enjoys seeing me like this?

"Thea... ! I brought some food for you and .... something else. I hope it will cheer you up little bit."

...

"Thea! Look up!" 

I lifted my eyes and back at me looked two odd, brown looking ones. James have brought a lamb and was holding it in his arms, as this animal was very quietly enjoying the comfort he have given him.

I could not help but smile at a little creature.