Shawn Mendes Imagines

Dying in L.A

and love. 

I burst through the door, and I couldn't see her. 

"Y/N?" I screamed. No no no no no no no no. I ran to the edge, tears already wetting my face. "Y/N Y/N Y/N," I sobbed. 

"Shawn?" I turned to see her sitting on the ledge, her legs tangled together. 

"Y/N," I sighed in relief. Everything inside me relaxed. I rushed over to her, placing my hand on her shoulders. She glanced at me. 

"Do you remember the first time you came to L.A?" She asked. 

"Yeah, of course," I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her to my side to make sure she couldn't leave. I had to wipe my cheek with my other hand. I remembered the first minute I landed in L.A. It was a total new world. The mood of the city itself is just so different than any other place I've been too.

"It was so happy. All the beautiful people and the sun and the heat. But then beautiful women turned into bodies that starve themselves and this heat is here because of the CO2 being so high and it's so sunny that we go into horrible droughts. Seeing breathtaking sights turned from being magical to a hassle to drive past. Everything just, changed. It was like going into space, being so mesmerized by all the stars that I forgot that I was suffocating from no air. That even though there are so many people here, you don't have anyone to talk to because everyone is so fake. The tans are fake, people suck in their stomachs and stick out their asses. Selfies with friends in mirrors are great and all, but what happened to grabbing a couple beers that we stole from our parents coolers and running off to a park or a beach and just laughing with people? To have actual conversations that actually meant something, things we were actually passionate about," she laughed, but it was empty of the warmth that should come from a laugh. Cynical, miserable, painful.  I hugged her a little tighter. 

"This place can suck the life out of you. You come here with such big dreams. It is the city of dreams. But you give your dreams away here it seems, and if you do actually make it, it doesn't last. You will have to give them all up at some point. It's like a subscription to the life. Once this place is sick of you, they cancel it and kick you out, leaving you with nothing," I started. But I stopped, and smiled down at her. 

Her. A girl I couldn't call mine. 

"But some people get lucky. Some people come in here with big goals of having everyone love them, but end of loving one person. A person who makes this city that is just an act, real." She glanced up at me. 

Her. A girl who made me feel less alone in this world full of strangers and haters. 

"Love doesn't exist Shawn," she muttered, looking back at the slowly setting sun. 

"Well it doesn't. It doesn't just exist, sitting around. We have to make it," I stated. She laughed slightly. 

"Make it?" 

"Yeah, you gotta be with someone, and when you know, you just know you want to love this person. So you start to form these feelings. And then you love this person, and you hope they do the same thing. And then you create this beautiful relation with someone that even though it might break, you won't have that same thing with someone else again." She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. 

"I don't think I would've done it. If I was really going to do it, I don't think I would've called you. I knew you would drop everything to come save me. But I had the option. And even though I don't know if I would've actually jumped, the fact that I could just have ended it all, in a split second, is so terrifying to me. I think about death all the time like it nothing. I talk about how I am going to die in conversations like it is as casual as 'what's up'. But once I was faced with it. Once I just one measly step away from it, it became so much harder to do. I wanted to so bad, but I was scared. I couldn't even go through with such a simple suicide plan," she shook her head and started to cry again. I did too. I squeezed her body so tight. I couldn't believe I almost lost her. 

Her. The person I was deeply in love with. 

"Y/N? Do you love me?" I asked. She laughed in the midst of sobbing. 

"You mean I just almost killed myself and you are worried about if I have a crush on you?" She asked. I shook my head. 

"No. I am trying to find out if you want to love me back. Because I've already loved you for so long. And I was terrified to tell you. So I didn't. And then you called today. An-and I realized I might have never been able to tell you how much you mean to me," I admitted. "I just, I don't want you to die. I can't have you die Y/N, and I know it gets so hard. And you might feel so alone that you think no one would even notice if you did leave, but I would Y/N. I would cry every time I saw these gorgeous sunsets. I would never wear sunglasses because you loved sunglasses and I wouldn't drink tea and I wouldn't facetime anyone because you would never be on the other side and I wouldn't play music in the car because every time one of those joyful dumb pop songs would come on you would joke about it and dance." She grabbed my hand and held it softly.

"I am not leaving okay? I am going to get help, finally. I am going to get better." I smiled and kissed her forehead. We watched the rest of the sun set, the street lights then starting to light up the city. 

"It is so weird how a city could  be so deadly, but so beautiful," she sighed. 

"I think when you have so many people in a space all trying to do the same things, it is bound to be a disaster. But no one wants to admit that their biggest dreams can become their worst nightmares." 

She glanced at me. 

"I do." 

"I do what?" I asked. 

"I do love you Shawn." She then kissed me. 

Her. 

A girl who loves me back. 

Her. 

A girl I couldn't live without. 

Her. 

A girl who was at rock bottom, who needed someone to help. 

Her. 

A girl that let a city drag her down there. 

Her. 

A girl, with a little help, built herself back up. 

Her. 

A girl who changed her name to Mrs. Mendes after she moved in with outside of L.A. 

Close enough to see the sunsets, but far away enough to where they were suffocated in buildings and walking dolls. 

They were in love, and happy. Even though there was a moment in time where they might have thought there was no chance they would ever be loved. 

They weren't dying in L.A, they were thriving in L.A. 

A/N 

Idk, it's a cute ending. Just work with me.