Shawn Mendes Imagines

Talk Me Down

I don't know if I have ever felt this way. It is like the sun rises bright and full, but with a dimming mist in front of it. My whole mind was like a foggy morning. I went through the day like it was routine. Like a puppet, with someone pulling at my strings to make me do daily tasks. But I wasn't actually doing them. I had no intent to get something out of my actions. It was like I was empty. My stomach didn't feel full of sandbags anymore and my chest didn't ache It was just a dull throb. Knowing I had nothing. My body felt cold, like ice was running down my veins instead of blood.

"Y/N you have to get out of your room. Why are you so down in the dumps. You were just going out and about a week ago," My dad scowled. I didn't answer, sitting in my window seal and watching cars and people occasionally walk down the street. As they went through their days with a destination. I was on an endless road to nowhere and no goal. They say it is about the journey not the destination. But what if you don't even know the destination. Then is it just a lost cause? There is no journey without the thought of a destination at least. "Are you thinking about mom?" He questioned. I didn't answer again. Of course I thought about mom. Or my lack of mom. A mother would be amazing right now. A mother to talk to about my boyfriend problems. I couldn't talk to my dad about him since ha hates him and would kill him if I said his name. But he wouldn't be able to do much help anyways. Not like he knows how it feels to be a girl and watch a guy you love hold another girl's hands. He never even officially told me we were done. Obviously I know now. But he couldn't meet up with me to talk about it? Or even shoot a text or phone call. That is a bad way to break with someone but it is better than just ignoring them then moving on to someone else. He never even told me how his dad reacted and if he found out. Maybe the reason he avoided me was that he freaked out. But couldn't we just go to secret again? It is not like he is on home arrest or anything I watch him walk down the sidewalk every day at dusk and around lunch. He could at least have told me though. All I wanted was answers from life. I don't know anything. Why my mom left me a few years ago, why Shawn left me. Why does everyone leave me? It is not like I bite or anything. "Y/N will you answer me?"

"Why do you think mom left?" I asked. He started a second, then sighed and sat on my bed side.

"I don't know. She had slight signs of depression and she always has been a woman wanting freedom and to go places. I didn't ever expect her to just go missing though. If I could I would bring her back but I can't." I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded. My dad hugged me and then exited my room. Then my phone went off. I quickly grabbed it and turned it on.

From: Shawn

This is Shawn's aunt. Shawn's father has very sadly passed away. The funeral is this Saturday and everyone is invited.

I sat staring at the message for a while. Just not knowing what to think. The fog in my mind consuming every thought I could have had. I had two questions. Why she texted me this? Should I go? I assume she did it to everyone in Shawn's contacts. Does that mean she might have looked at our conversations? Or let's say my spamming of wanting to talk to him before I gave up a couple days ago. She might have group texted it. But should I go? I mean he hated me. Shawn hates me. But maybe just stop by. I was invited. How could I not go to a funeral I was invited to?

Saturday

I looked at myself in the mirror of my car. I looked somewhat good. I put a lot of makeup on to hide my dark circles and acne I never bothered to take care of. I even put some lip gloss on. I sighed and closed my eyes. I told myself all day I would go. Just for a second. Maybe even talk to Shawn. No that probably won't happen. I got out of my car. I walked through the graveyard. Glancing at the names carved into the mostly old stone. I soon was approaching where all the people gathered. I came late so some people might have already left. I saw Shawn. And before when I thought my heart couldn't possibly break anymore. I saw him, in the state I was in a few days ago. Though instead of the useless me he was crying about, it was his own father. His new girlfriend took his hand in hers. I gulped. It was like she was trying to tease me. Even if she didn't know I was there. It was like she just wanted to know that she has him instead of me. That is when heartbreak started o hit me again. Thinking about all the memories we have had that was just memories now. I turned and walked away. Trying to walk off the Earth even. I closed my eyes as I walked through the graveyard. I then found some steps facing the ocean forward. It was a sight. The graveyard overlooked the cliff to the never ending blue. I guess it was something to think about. The fact you stare at blue as you feel blue. Or that the fact it is an empty place. And you feel empty. I sat, not knowing what to do or how to feel anymore.

"Y/N" I felt a tap on my shoulder. And heard a broken voice. Like a scratched record. I glanced up. To see him. Face to face. I saw him before, on the sidewalk and at stores and at this funeral. But I didn't see him. I couldn't see his emotion in his eyes. The flashbacks. He was wearing his cologne. The cologne he always wore. The image of our lips connecting in pure trust and dedication. I just stared at him. That is when his eyes broke our locked connection. And I hugged him. My arms loosely wrapped around his torso. I could feel his whole body clench as he hugged me back. I didn't at the point know what the hug was. If it was a sorrow 'Sorry for your loss' or if it was a goodbye. Like goodbye from our love.

Then his girlfriend appeared. Calling him over. He broke from me. I pleaded for him not to silently. His eyes were searching for some sort of a 'go away' from me. But the last thing I wanted to do was leave him. All I wanted was him. All I wanted to do was lay next to him, feel his warmth, have him with me. To not deal with all of this, all of life, without him. But he did leave, with his girlfriends hand tightly around his arm as she talked to him. I couldn't hear what she was saying. Probably scolding. She treated him like a child. He glanced back at me. I begged him not to leave. He left.

No POV

Y/N didn't know what that hug meant at the moment. But now she did. He was saying goodbye. But not goodbye from only her. Goodbye from her, his girlfriend, his friends and work. From sorrow and the millions of feelings bundled up with a heartbreak package. Everything bundled with with a life package. And as Y/N's lungs felt empty of air as she choked out sobs in her car with her blue feeling as she watched the blue. Shawn's lungs were filled with blue, as he floated, feeling as empty as the blue he was absorbing into his body slowly took his blue feelings away.

A/N

Okay so what is more sad than these imagines is they are the most popular in my book XD I guess I write good sad scenes? Also if you haven't noticed the music videos to Troye Sivan are what this little series is based on.