Shawn Mendes Imagines

Could've Would've Should've

Shawn's POV

You never know when your last words with someone is going to be. Unless they are in a hospital bed with you beside them (that's how the lucky ones go) and get to say how much you love them.

The hardest ones,

are the ones that just disappear.

I didn't know the conversation about why platypus has a y if it makes a uh sound was going to be our last conversation. I would've talked about something deeper. I would've said how I felt. But I didn't know. I thought the conversation went well. Though it wasn't a very serious conversation. She was laughing. Smiling. Being happy.

Oh how didn't I catch that it was all a scene.

Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe you were happy at that time five days ago.

1:49 pm to be exact. In history. You were wearing your Fall Out Boy shirt. Skinny jeans and those ruby red converse I said looked like blood. Your hair was beautiful as it cascaded down your back. You were gorgeous. I wish I would've told you that. That is how it is now though. Should've, would've, could've. It is in the past now. You are in the past now. You were gone. Forever. Last night, I kept saying you were coming back. That you were sick. That you were on vacation. It was the third day without your seat filled in Biology. The class we talked about Platypuses just five days ago. The day after you passed, was canceled. Did you think you would make that big of a impact? Basically everyone was panicking. A kid in our small school committing suicide? You were on the news. Everyone in our area knew about you. When everyone found out, it shocked everyone. It shocked me. You were always smiling. Why did you lie? Why did you try so hard to make everyone smile when you couldn't be happy. Every moment I go back to when I figured out you were dead. Dead. Has an evil taste to it.

"Sweetie come to the living room!" My mom called. I was in my room, playing video games. Thinking about you. About how angelic your voice was. And how you messed with your thumbs when you were nervous. It was cute. Did you know I noticed that? I got up and walked into the living room.

"What do you want?" I asked in a sarcastic tone, though me and my mom always knew we were joking.

"Do you know this girl?" She asked. That's when I looked up and listened to the news.

Y/N Y/L/N was found dead in her bedroom at 5:47 pm.

I didn't know what he said after that. My head got woozy. I stumbled. Grabbed onto the couch. I said she isn't dead. That I heard the name wrong. But her picture was on the screen. I couldn't mistaken her face. It was her. No one else could look at beautiful as her.

I went to my room and slammed the door.

My mom didn't chase me. She knew I didn't want her to. She knew it wouldn't help.

I cried. So much. I couldn't stop. I never have felt as heartbroken.

I walk down the halls, everyone knew I liked you. It was obvious. Did you ever know though? Did you know how much I cared? Even if I didn't show it? Everyone kept there distance. As I wanted them to. I didn't speak. Not once. No teacher called at me. I stared at her empty desk. A girl from my art class drew roses on the desk she sat at in every class she had. We didn't get rid of it. Maybe as a reminder. You only left a note. It said: No one cares unless you are pretty or dying. It had pretty flowers on it. The girl from art class couldn't draw as well as you could at flowers Y/N. You didn't blame anyone for your death before you left. But we all blamed ourselves.

Because we

Could've, would've and should've.

But how useful was thinking about those. You were gone. You weren't sick. You weren't on vacation. You weren't going to fail that biology final you were so worried about that was coming up soon. You weren't going to figure out the real reason why platypus has a y. You were dead. But fuck I wish I could think you were. I wish you were here. I regret not saying hi in the hall every time we saw each other. I will never hear your voice again. I regret not looking at you every second you spoke. I will never see the pretty color so bright in your eyes again. I regret not holding your hand when I walked you home some days. I will never feel your soft fingers intertwine with mine. I remember the last time I saw you. It was when you walked to the bus. Because you moved two months ago, I couldn't walk you home. You were sitting in the window. Leaning your head against the glass. Your eyes were closed. Headphones in your ears. I couldn't sworn I saw, tears. You were crying. I didn't think twice about it. Why didn't I? I thought I just was far away so I was seeing wrong. Though I have perfect vision. But if I had prefect vision how did I not see your sadness behind your fake laugh. I should've called you. Again with the damned word. But I realized. As humans we do this. Should've, would've could've. We mess up. And we think about what we should, could or would have done of we could redo. But if we could you might have been here. Not dead. But we can't. You can never come back. You are now just a body. But you were so much more to me Y/N. So the question is, why did you have to leave me?

A/N

... bye