You wouldn't care if i explained

Pain II

everything around me is fine
blue skies
the sun is shining
birds are chirping
you're on the phone giggling about your dog
everything seems fine
the world around me is at peace
but in my head is the complete opposite
in front of my eyes is soft green grass
but behind my eyes is a dark rain forest
waiting to consume me
full of my thoughts

i watch as i sit in the boat
the murky water flows by me
but i only see deadly poison
that has the ability to rid my pain
and make my body tingle
and go numb so i won't feel anything

your voice tells me to put the blade down
my head screams for me to pick it up
the scars began fading
until i ruined it again
red liquid builds
as it begins to ooze on to the surface
suddenly things are almost better
i begin to wipe away the red liquid
and the tears from my face

i wonder if i'll ever feel better
if tearing away at the surface of my skin
will one day stop being the answer
when the sight of a sharp object won't scare me
will that day ever come?
will i ever feel better someday?
or will i keep turning to the sharp edges
and hard surfaces
fearing the objects in any room
because i know how much of a possibility
they all have to hurt me
but the physical pain
is definitely better than the pain in my head