Medley

109: ANTICIPATION.

"Don't waste one more second of your time worrying about me, Em. Even less about dad. He'll be fine. And I'll miss you like crazy, but I'll be fine too."

"Oh, Stef! I'm gonna miss you sooo much! Who will watch football with me, and scary movies, and give me foot massages and make me my favorite cocktails?"

I can't imagine what my life will be like without seeing my brother every single day.

"You'll have Harry for all that. And if he doesn't live up to that standard, you let me know and I'll be there in a heartbeat to teach him how he should treat my sister."

Harry will have to take on the roles of the many people I'm leaving behind to be with him... that's a lot of responsibility for one person. I hope I can remain clear on the boundaries of what I should expect from him in our new life together. He can't be my boyfriend, my father, my brother and my friend.

But at the same time, he will be all I have.

The more I think about it, the more I question if I'm making the right decision. So, I won't anymore. What Harry and I have is worth the sacrifices, even though he's making none.

I give my brother a long, warm hug that I will re-enact several times in the next two weeks before I leave for London.

The plan was to fly a day or two before New Year's. I wanted to spend Christmas with Stef and our family in Boston like we do every year, even if that meant having to be in the same room with my father again.
But it turned out that my recently-married cousin is spending it in New Orleans with his in-laws this year, so my brother and my other cousins planned a skiing trip to the mountains, which they know I'm not a fan of and which would mean I'd have to stay at my grandma's with my father and my aunts and uncles.

Refusing to be forced to endure that long in the presence of my father without Stefan or my cousins to keep me occupied, I ended up asking Harry if I could just get to London a week early and spend Christmas with him.

Harry was thrilled to say the least. He got what he wanted, like he always does, although by other people's doing this time.

Stef has denied it over and over again, but I can't shake the feeling that it was him who planned this skiing trip to push me to leave earlier.

"Are you going to tell dad yourself, or do you want me to do it?"

I haven't talked to my father since that dinner from hell with them and Harry. After so many years of letting things go for the sake of not going into war with my only parent, I decided I've had enough. In honor of my mother I was determined to not give up on him, but there's just so much that a person can take without breaking. And he finally broke me.

"You tell him. I don't want to talk to him if he won't take the first step. But you'll take care of all his finances and stuff, right?"

Despite our relationship status, I'm still the one in charge of making sure all his bills get paid and keeping that house I still call mine running. My father is a very smart man and an incredible doctor, but he can't keep up with due dates for the life of him.

"Yes! I told you not to worry about him. Don't let him ruin this too for you."

I won't. I've given him countless chances over the past six years and all he's done is waste them. The rejection and disappointment I'm used to, will not travel with me to my new life. They'll stay here to rot away with him and his selfishness.

Telling Jasmine I'm moving away so soon proves no easier. She was the only one who saw this coming, even before I did, yet it still hurts like a bitch.
We talk and cry and smile and weep and laugh until we cry some more and then fall asleep on my bed emotionally exhausted, in our day clothes and on top of the covers like we used to when we were kids.