Medley

45: SAY YOU LOVE ME.

"I was thinking for my weekend off, instead of you coming to meet me in Chicago, we could go to LA and spend all three days at my house. I have to be there on Monday anyway. What do you say?"

"Sure, it'll be a nice break from the hotel rooms."

"I'm sorry that this is the way it has to be."

"Don't be. I care about who I'm with, not where. I just hope you're not one of those pompous assholes who live alone in fifteen-bedroom houses with twenty bathrooms and a garage full with twelve cars and a boat."

"Who says I live alone? You're finally going to meet my four wives and my sixteen kids."

"Kids I can deal with, wives on the other hand..." It's nothing but a silly joke, but the idea of it gets my blood pumping. What is this stupid new feeling? I can't quite describe it, but I don't like it. "I think I like the Chicago idea a lot better!"

Suddenly the nausea returns and I have to jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. Harry offers to help me, but of all the nice things he's done for me tonight, holding my hair while I puke won't be one of them.

"Are you alright?" He opens his arms to welcome me back with a hug and kisses on my forehead.

"I'll be fine. It's not as frequent as it was this morning."

"Sure you don't want to go see a doctor?"

My mom would approve of him, no doubt.

"No, it's either a virus or stress. I get like this when I'm stressed out sometimes."

It hasn't happened in a long time, but all the events of this past week might be taking their toll on me.

"Are you stressed because of what happened with your friend?"

We get back in bed and resume the same position as before. His low, soothing voice in my ear is enough to calm me down.

"Yes, mostly. It's just that I don't talk about things much. I bottle everything up inside and feelings need an outlet. So, this is what usually happens to my body when I don't let them out."

"It's hard to trust people with your most personal things, no matter how close they are to you. We're alike in that aspect, it seems."

"That's true. But I have Jasmine. My entire life's story is stored in that woman, yet when it comes to us it feels too... private, I can't talk to anybody about it."

His grip on me gets tighter at the sound of these words, and it's not until then that I realize what I've just said. I didn't mean to make this about him. It's that stupid filter that completely disintegrates when he's around.

"You're stressing about us, too? I'm here, talk to me."

"I'm just a little overwhelmed by the possibilities, that's all."

I'm scared to death that this ends up going up in flames when I'm already too invested in it. That should be a more honest answer. But I didn't mean to bring this up in the first place, so I should keep it vague and simple.

"I know exactly what you mean." He sighs and nuzzles my hair. "When we first met, there was only one possibility. But that dissolved pretty quickly, didn't it? Now there's a whole world of them and it's all up to us where we take this."

I turn around to face him. God! His eyes are bright even in the dark.

"Yes, you've read my mind. But I don't need to know where we're going, I just want to know that we're both rowing in the same direction, that's enough for me."

"If we were going in different directions I would've been far, far away from here by now, trust me. I'm a fast rower!"

This is his way of telling me that if he didn't really want this, he would've been gone already.

But he's here.

He wants to be here.

His smile fills the room with light and my heart dances inside my chest. I move closer and kiss him, slowly, lovingly.

"I really, really like you, Har"

"I really, really, really like you, Em."

If this moment was a song it'd be Say You Love Me by Jessie Ware.

"Just say you want me, that's all it takes

(...)

Just say you love me, just for today

(...)

Want to feel burning flames when you say my name
Want to feel passion flow into my bones
Like blood through my veins

(...)

Won't you stay?
Slowly, slowly you unfold me
But do you know me at all?
Someone told me love controls everything
But only if you know

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you might"

We fall asleep in a tangle of arms and legs and woke up the same way.

It's the first time we sleep together and all we really do is sleep.

Felt so nice!

Watching Harry get dressed and ready to leave is devastating. I want to tie him to my chair and send William back to wherever they came from without him. But I settle for a mouthwatering goodbye kiss and Harry's word that he'd call at night after his show.

During the day, he texts me every time he has a little break to check on my health and I have to reassure him over and over again that I'm doing much better and the fever is finally gone.

ME: "Thank you again for the surprise. I'm sorry I wasn't the best company. Goodnight, Har."

HARRY: "Your company is always the best. It doesn't really matter how the time was spent, only that it was with you. Goodnight, Em. xx"

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SAY YOU LOVE ME - Jessie Ware.