Medley

27: HAPPY.

Once out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, I walk straight to the dresser where I folded our clothes on but Harry calls me out.

"Hey, you better write these down, Brant! Rule number whatever: Clothes come off and stay off. Here..." He heads for the closet and throws one of the hotel's robes on the bed next to where I'm standing. Then grabs another one for himself.

Not even a minute after we've finished getting ready there's a knock on the door.

"I told you we didn't have enough time in the shower." I tease.

Harry walks towards the bedroom door but on his way out he stops next to me and whispers:

"Don't overestimate me. I can be quick, too. Especially with you."

And without even looking back at the mess of a girl he's left behind, he exits the bedroom and proceeds to open the door and let the people in. I stay inside the bedroom until they leave, they don't need to see who Harry's with.

Devouring a burger and a salad takes us no effort at all, we were really hungry! Harry is amazed by my ability to eat all that food and still have room left for (real) dessert. I guess he's used to being around women that don't eat at all. Like ever. All those Hollywood girls I've seen him with on magazines, I suspect survive only on water and vitamin pills. No solids.

Dessert takes place on the living room floor, the tray full of fruit placed on the coffee table. I'm in complete shock when I look at the clock on the wall and see that it's almost 4:30 already. The day has gone by so fast!

Harry sits on the floor with his back against the table and I sit with mine against the couch so we're facing each other. Every now and then he feeds me grapes as we talk about his band and his love for old Classic Rock bands and his pupils get bigger and bigger and his eyes brighter and brighter the more he talks about his passion for music. He really loves what he does and it shows.

No one has ever seemed so interested in hearing me talk about the concerts I've been to, from finally seeing Celine Dion live on her first tour after all her years in Vegas, to the day-long rock festivals I go to with my brother to see all the heavy metal or alternative rock bands he taught me to love.

"Never in a million years would I have taken you for a metal head! All I see are some tattoos but no other signs." He mocks.

"Might not look the part, but this girl knows how to rock out." It's so easy being silly and goofy and myself around him. I hate how comfortable and natural it feels!

"I'd like to be the judge of that. You'll have to take me with you next time." Ugh, why does he say these things?

"That would require you to be around for a while." I regret the words as soon as they come out. That was meant for my internal voice to say to me, not for me to say out loud to him.

"Well, I want to try to be." For such a revealing response it comes out effortlessly, no processing, and in a firm voice. He really means it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He cuts me off and I'm partly glad because I have no idea how I was going to phrase my apology. I just don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him when I've been elusive about my own willingness to move past today. It's not fair on my part.

"It's okay to talk about us, you know? We don't have to pretend we're indifferent to what happens next." There are no other words I could've rather hear him say, they're exactly what I didn't know I needed. "Emi, don't keep from me how you feel, or I'm gonna start to think I'm imagining this."

Harry gets up, places the grapes he was holding in his hand back on the tray and comes to sit down next to me. I struggle for words but none come despite my best attempt.

"Am I?" He continues. "Imagining this, I mean. Or was this not... unexpected for you too?"

I have to give him credit for getting here. I don't know what changed, but earlier he pretty much told me this one day was all he could give me, and now he's the one trying to get me to talk about a possible tomorrow.

"God, no! You're not imagining anything. I just don't know what to make of it and I hate uncertainties." Harry holds my hand and with the other draws zigzag lines across my forearm, his eyes focused on his moving fingers.

"We don't have to figure it out right at this moment, but you have to give it a chance if you want to find out what 'this' is."

"I will."

I've known all along I was determined to see him again, but Harry didn't. My plan was to not tell him, to not make it seem easy for him to have whatever he wants all the time, to rethink this once alone at home.

But the day has taken a turn I wasn't counting on and he's let his guard down low enough to show me he's as confused about us as I am. I suppose neither of us expected today to mean this much, or mean anything at all.

At the sound of those two short but full-of-promise words, his face lights up and he finally looks at me.

"I don't want you to think I was trying to put pressure on you with the things I said before. I know what we came here for and I agreed. You have to know I don't have any expectations, you don't owe me anything." I add, feeling it's important for him to know I didn't come here plotting to change his mind.

"I was the one who asked you to see me again, wasn't I?" He rebukes.

"Yes."

"There you go."

Cue for Leona Lewis to start singing in the background.

"Someone once told me
That you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything

Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
'Cause love won't set you free

I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy, but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world
Just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy
Just wanna be happy"

And this is my cue to stop doubting.

Him, myself, this.

Whatever we're starting I want to live it fully.

It's my turn to feel a little joy in my life.

It's been too long.

I'll deal with the consequences when it all goes to hell.

Like it always does.

But I don't care.

'I'm just trying to be happy.'

For as long or for as little as I can.

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HAPPY - Leona Lewis.